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A little hand holding please...

(511 Posts)
SurvivalOfTheUnfittest Fri 26-Apr-13 03:48:37

My gorgeous husband kissed ds1, aged 5, ds2, aged 3, and I, tonight, told us each that he loved us and went to play football, as he has every Thursday for the last 10 years.

38 minutes later, I had a call from his mate to say that he was having some kind of fit. By the time I arrived at the pitch, he was receiving cpr. Eventually we agreed they should stop at the hospital. He was 39 years old and the best daddy and husband one could hope for.

I'm lying here, wide awake, totally numb, and trying to think how to tell our beautiful boys that their super daddy didn't make it home.

I don't know when I'll be back on here., as I'm supposed to be trying to sleep, but just needed to say the words above.

PicardyThird Fri 26-Apr-13 08:48:51

Oh, you poor, poor love. I am so very sorry. What a horrible shock.

Concentrate now on looking after yourself and your darling boys.

Much love across the ether.


flyingcloud Fri 26-Apr-13 08:57:18

Survival, a dear MN friend, I am so sad for you and your boys and the terrible loss of your DH's life.

Please keep posting if it helps.

Much love and hugs.


FoxyRevenger Fri 26-Apr-13 09:26:24

Oh I'm so so sorry for your loss. I hope you managed to sleep a little.

Your hand is being held by us all.

BabyGiraffes Fri 26-Apr-13 09:44:36

Oh survival sad sad sad. People with more experience will be along to offer practical advice for yourself and your boys but for now, try to keep eating and drinking, try to take one minute at a time and accept all the help you can get. I hope your friends are still with you to support you.

Survival - I am so so sorry.

Thinking of you and your boys...keep talking xxx

Lizzylou Fri 26-Apr-13 11:00:31

Oh Survival, I am so so sorry.

TheDeadlyDonkey Fri 26-Apr-13 11:02:13

I'm so sorry.
Thinking of you all xx

exexpat Fri 26-Apr-13 11:12:05

Survival - I've been where you are. DH died suddenly at age 41, leaving me with DS 8 and DD 3. I was in shock for days, felt completely numb and couldn't really process anything but had to get on with things because of the two DCs and all the aftermath of a sudden death.

No one can make it better, but two things that helped me were Winston's Wish, the children's bereavement charity - I only had access to the advice on the website, as I was overseas, but they do have a helpline. Also, the Merry Widow website and discussion board - it's for young widows/widowers, so you'll find lots of people on there who are going or have gone through this themselves.

Do you have family and friends around to help with the children? What I found mine wanted, after the initial shock, was as much normality as possible, as I think they found familiar routines reassuring. DH died on a Friday afternoon, and they went back to school on Tuesday (they wanted to go back on Monday, but after discussing with the school over the weekend, they wanted to be able to brief the other children first).

GibberTheMonkey Fri 26-Apr-13 11:37:36

I'm so sorry
Thinking of you and your boys

everlong Fri 26-Apr-13 14:14:41

I'm so sorry to read this.

Such a terrible shock for you.

BabyGiraffes Fri 26-Apr-13 23:55:10

Survival, hope you and the boys manage some sleep tonight.

SurvivalOfTheUnfittest Sat 27-Apr-13 00:40:21

Thank you all. It's been a mixed day of tears and laughter. Ds1 understands and has had some prolonged spells of tears, in between completing new levels on angry birds, obviously! He also asked first thing if we could just get a new daddy now. Tonight he told me that when people die, they are still walking next to you, but you just can't see them.
DS2 has very little concept of what's going on. He's been very excited to have lots of visitors and an overnight stay from his uncle. As the day wore on he moved to, "It's very sad," with a sad face. Small steps. I'm being very honest with them and crying from time to time openly so they know that is okay. I couldn't have asked for more support than i've had from family and friends today. Has been truly remarkable and humbling. Our fab gp arrived unannounced and gave me a massive hug. Phone calls and messages from far and wide.
DH's family are struggling, as you would expect (and they have no one playing angry birds to distract them...) and may come up again over the wrekend if well enough.
Post mortem will be on Monday and we hope to clarify things then, all being well. I've requested the extra samples are taken in the hope that it might help us solve some of the gastric mystery that was my dh and both boys-for their benefit.
We blew bubbles up to daddy in the park this morning. Ds1 wants to send him a card on a balloon and to buy him a teddy. I'll definitely ring Winston's Wish too. Have worked with them to support other people's children, but never though i'd need them myself.
Day 1 of our whole new world is complete. We will keep on keeping on, as i've mastered muttering to myself in the last 3 years. My aim is to do dh proud and to do as much with the boys as we wanted us to do. We are still TeamSurvival, just a slightly smaller team. And I could always do more 'keep me ups' than he could, so that's a good place to start!

saffronwblue Sat 27-Apr-13 01:18:47

Oh survival you may not feel it but your strength shines out from every word. Well done on getting through day 1 and surrounding your boys with love and security. What a massive shock- don't forget to eat and drink yourself as you get through each hour.

GoshAnneGorilla Sat 27-Apr-13 01:46:57

I'm so so sorry sad xxxxx

LeMousquetaireAnonyme Sat 27-Apr-13 04:28:01

sad I agree with saffron's post. You are amazing.

StoneBaby Sat 27-Apr-13 06:49:54

Oh survival you are amazing

tumbletumble Sat 27-Apr-13 07:14:33

Go Team Survival! You are amazing xx

TheUnicornsGoHawaiian Sat 27-Apr-13 07:22:33

Survivor I was thinking about you yesterday. Brave and amazing x

marriednotdead Sat 27-Apr-13 07:25:20

Am so sad for your loss. Your family unit sounds amazing as it was, and I hope that the strength you had as a team will help you to carry on without your lovely DH being on hand.
Mumsnet is a wonderful source of support and although there are sadly many others here who have had similar experiences, you may find sharing stories helps a little.
Your DH will always be in your heart thanks

ajandjjmum Sat 27-Apr-13 07:29:55

So sorry for your loss.

But you are amazing and doing so so well for your DC. Don't forget to take time for yourself too.

Love and thoughts to TeamSurvival.

5madthings Sat 27-Apr-13 12:50:48

Oh survival your post has made me cry, your boys sound adorable and yes keep on keeping on, one foot in front of the other.

So glad you have support from family and friends, much love and strength to you and your boys xxx

BehindLockNumberNine Sat 27-Apr-13 12:55:54

Survival you sound amazing and very very strong. Your post made me well up and smile in equal measures.
I have every faith in Team Survival doing very well, with one invisible member (and a bunch of Angry Birds) at your side x

Cerisier Sat 27-Apr-13 13:15:23

Survival I am so sorry to hear your sad news. You sound such a lovely family. Sending you best wishes and strength for the journey ahead xx

PeggySusan Sat 27-Apr-13 13:25:39

I've just read your post with tears in my eyes. How suddenly life can change path. I wish you and your two boys much strength and love in the next few years. You sound so strong and I have every faith that you will get through this. You will make your husband proud. Xxx

ScienceRocks Sat 27-Apr-13 14:11:57

survival much love and hugs coming your way. I am so sorry for your loss.

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