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Advice needed to help friend

(2 Posts)
Milly1707 Wed 17-May-06 08:21:34

My very good friend has just had her 2nd miscarriage. She suffers with endometriosis and due to some other gynaecological probs she has been told to expect to have a hysterectomy by the age of 30. She is 26 now and recently married. Her dh is 32 and they are both SO desperate to be parents. They have been trying for a few years but as her cycles range between 20days and 60days it very hard for her to work out when she should be ovulating. She had the 1st m/c last year and the 2nd yesterday. She is being so brave even though I can tell she is crumbling inside.

I am 22+5 weeks and I am sure seeing me and my bump must be hard for her. She says she is okay and will get over it but I just wish there was something I could do to help.

My reason for posting was to ask for advice, what can I do/say to show how how sorry I am for her loss and give her the support she needs. I don't want to talk about my pregnancy as I feel this might 'rub her nose in it'.

Sorry for the long message.

retailtherapist Wed 17-May-06 21:27:23

I have just had my 2nd m/c this year and had another before having my ds. I have a very close friend who is pg and several of my mother and baby friends are too (or have just had babies).
It was very hard seeing them for the first time and I hate to admit it but I was so jealous just seeing their beautiful bumps. But I am happy for them and although it is hard, they are my friends and I wish them all well. Someone said on another thread that when seeing a new baby after a m/c they were ok about it as it was not their baby and that is who they are missing. Reading that has really helped me to see things differently.
My close friend very awkwardly announced that she was pg several weeks after my 2nd m/c and it hit me really hard. I spoke to someone at the m/c association and they suggested that I phone her to tell her how I was feeling. I did, and am so glad. She was really understanding and is very sensitive towards me. She doesn't pretend not to be pregnant (I have only seen her once as she moved away) when we talk but she doesn't go on about it either.
Being on the other side all I can say that it has been very difficult facing my pg friends but as long as you're sensitive (which you obviously are as you wrote asking for advice) then your friendship will probably remain strong.
Hope that helps a bit.

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