Advice needed to help friend

[Milly1707]

My very good friend has just had her 2nd miscarriage. She suffers with endometriosis and due to some other gynaecological probs she has been told to expect to have a hysterectomy by the age of 30. She is 26 now and recently married. Her dh is 32 and they are both SO desperate to be parents. They have been trying for a few years but as her cycles range between 20days and 60days it very hard for her to work out when she should be ovulating. She had the 1st m/c last year and the 2nd yesterday. She is being so brave even though I can tell she is crumbling inside.

I am 22+5 weeks and I am sure seeing me and my bump must be hard for her. She says she is okay and will get over it but I just wish there was something I could do to help.

My reason for posting was to ask for advice, what can I do/say to show how how sorry I am for her loss and give her the support she needs. I don't want to talk about my pregnancy as I feel this might 'rub her nose in it'.

Sorry for the long message.

[fairyjay]

I would think that for her to know you are there for her is the biggest help you could give. And perhaps be conscious that there may be times when she doesn't want you around?!!! Not being horrible, but I suppose there might well be days when she doesn't want to see pregnant ladies.

Don't forget to look after yourself as well

[megglevache]

Milly, your poor friend I can't imagine what she is going through especially with the added stress of a ticking clock.

Mscarriages are awful and I never thought I'd go through one but luckily for me my friends (pregnant ones) have been amazing and asked me if they minded them being around etc (which I didn't as I really did need them) I really really do find it easy getting back to normal if everyone around me is acting normally. The first few days were awfula s I could sense that they wanted to avoid the topic of pregnancy altogether.

I really can't help but be happy for them but I do have days when I feel very cheated and wish I was still pregnant - when I do I tell them.

It's still early days for me and obviously for your friend,one of my friends bought me a fantastic plant. I was very touched but she wanted me to have something to nurture and take care of. It's a lovely momento. perhaps you could do something similar for your friend?

[Milly1707]

That's a good idea, I think I will try that.

Just to rub salt into the wound a girl at her work has just found out she is preg and has told my friend that she is 'getting rid of it' and has to be careful as she 'falls preg at the drop of a hat'. My friend is obviously very upset and tried to say that she has had a miscarriage etc... and this girl has said, 'you should count yourself lucky, I wish I could then I wouldn't have to have an abortion'.

If I had been there I wouldn't have been able to hold myself back.

She has taken my advice and booked some time off work.

[megglevache]

Oh dear-that really is tough isn't it?

I think she's lucky to have a friend as caring and thoughtful as you.

[Milly1707]

I know this is an old thread but I wanted to give an update. The same friend is now preg again and so far so good. She lost the two at 6 weeks but this little one is holding on and she is 11+1 weeks at the moment. She has a scan booked for the 10th and is so nervous.

I am praying and praying that this little one hangs on for all its might, so if any of you could spare some good thoughts and prayers for my friend then please do, I want her to get as much positive enrgy as possible!!

Thanks Milly

[Neena28]

Positive thought are flying through the air to your friend right now!

Really hope everything goes well for her, let us know.

[cece]

Let's hope all goes well for her.

[Flumpybumpy]

Another update, she has got her first scan tomorrow so my fingers a re crossed, will update you all when I know.

[Jackstini]

What lovely news - will keep everything crossed all goes ok tomorrow

[Flumpybumpy]

Okay update fro you all. The scan was today and thank god there was a one very strong little heartbeat in there!!! Yippeeeeee. I am so thrilled for her. She said she had to take the rest of the day off work to take it in. She still feels nervous but I think seeing that little bean has really made a difference.

So thank you all for your positive comments and thoughts. I, on the other hand, have 4 weeks to go and am getting very impatient for my LO to be born, so if you have any positive vibes left pls pray that I have a quick & painless birth