A bit confused; is this grief or am I ill?

(11 Posts)
ThreeBeeOneGee Thu 18-Apr-13 21:41:21

One of my closest friends died suddenly and unexpectedly yesterday evening. It seems as though everyone around me is reacting in the usual way: sadness, tears etc.

I don't feel any of that. I am feeling the following: constant nausea, loss of appetite (food tastes weird) a tremor in my hands and aching in my legs. I also can't concentrate properly or make decisions. My emotions range from panic to dread.

I haven't cried, but this makes no sense. She was one of my favourite people, so what is wrong with me?

OP’s posts: |
throckenholt Thu 18-Apr-13 21:43:20

Sounds like shock to me (not surprising). Give yourself time - there is no right or wrong way for grief - and you just have to cope as best you can.


KirstyJC Thu 18-Apr-13 21:44:54

Oh you poor thingsad

There is no right or wrong way to grieve, it affects people differently. Some people cry and cry and others don't. It is entirely possible that your symptoms are due to grief. I didn't cry for months after my grandma died and then all of a sudden woke up blubbing my heart out one morning.

Have you got anyone you can talk to about what has happened? Try to eat and drink if you can and be kind to yourself.


donnasummer Thu 18-Apr-13 21:47:22

the panic/dread is def a bereavement symptom ime
my mother died suddenly and the most mundane tasks suddenly seemed booby trapped
sorry for your loss

ThreeBeeOneGee Thu 18-Apr-13 21:56:39

Thank you all for your reassurance. It took everything I had to get through today, and that was just one day. Also finding it quite hard to breathe sometimes. If it keeps going like this then I'm going to find it quite hard to function.

OP’s posts: |
MrSlant Thu 18-Apr-13 22:02:05

Grief does not just come in the usual weeping and wailing (comforting though they may be). You can feel sick, unable to eat, like there isn't enough oxygen, jittery, panicky, even like you are standing on a boat at sea. Accept it for what it is, that trite but true 'be kind to yourself' and know that this will pass, every day will get easier. Promise.

ThreeBeeOneGee Thu 18-Apr-13 22:06:16

MrSlant: that describes it exactly! When I went to bed it felt like I was about to fall out of the (kingsize) bed. I found myself clinging on to the mattress; sleep wasn't really possible.

OP’s posts: |
LillyofWinchester Thu 18-Apr-13 22:07:13

Sorry for your loss, like slant said be kind to yourself, take one day at a time and do the minimum you need to do to get though the day until you can cope with more. Some days will feel worse, some better, then one day you will realise this wasn't the first thing you though of when you woke up in the morning, and that's a sign you are getting through your grief.

MrSlant Thu 18-Apr-13 22:12:30

Such a horrible feeling ThreeBee sorry you are experiencing it, you will sleep soon, amazingly we humans seem to adapt to everything given a bit of time and understanding.

ThreeBeeOneGee Tue 14-May-13 09:04:19

You have all been supportive and helpful; thank you. I am feeling a bit better in many ways (a lot less anxious and more able to function) but I am bumping this because I am waking up at 3.30 - 4 o'clock most mornings and finding it hard to get back to sleep. It's not the light, as we have blackout blinds. I think it might be a grief reaction, but not sure. Does anyone have any advice about this please?

OP’s posts: |
Naebother Tue 14-May-13 09:13:04

Accept that you will feel a bit weird and off. Your world has changed and you have had a huge shock.

Eat regularly even if you don't feel like it.
Talk to friends and family and accept help and support.

It is a grief reaction and there is no one way to feel. You will feel all sorts of emotions. All in the same day sometimes.

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