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Bereavement

My little brother has killed himself :(

11 replies

LittleFriendSusan · 09/04/2013 12:52

Sorry this may be garbled / blunt, I just need to get it down.

My brother killed himself over the weekend. He'd had a troubled life and struggled to deal with it. He finally sought psychiatric help a week or so ago as he realised he was in a bad way and wanted to make it through for his son :( But it seems he could see no way out. My brother found him hanging in his flat yesterday. I think I am still in shock. We're not a particularly close family and there have been many "issues", but, oh my god, I feel so terribly sad for him. I am trying to stay strong for my children's sake (8 & 10), but struggling to keep it together... I really need to talk, but can't as the children are always listening and I don't want to make it any harder than it already is... Don't think DP knows what to say either :(

We have told the children the truth - obviously as few details as we can get away with, but I couldn't lie to them. Also, my brother knew a lot of people and there was the risk they'd find out from someone in the playground... It seems from reading on the Winston's Wish site etc, that we took the right decision as they advocate telling the truth, and answering questions as they arise. The theory is that if they ask questions, they're ready to hear the answers, but they just seem so young to have to know about this :( DS has been asking a lot of questions, how did he do it, why, etc, and it's so bloody hard. What do I say? DP has taken today off work but has to go in tomorrow and I don't know how I'll cope.

Then I start thinking about my poor, poor, nephew , who's the same age as DS, and I just can't bear it. How the hell will he ever get over this? He and my mum were the last people to see DB alive :(

Sorry for rambling... DP has taken the kids out for a while. Any words of wisdom would be much appreciated...

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girlonfire · 09/04/2013 12:56

I'm so sorry for you loss.
I don't really have any advice but didn't want to read and run.
((((hugs))))

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LoganMummy · 09/04/2013 12:56

I'm so sorry.

I think (in time) you may find it helpful to talk to someone who can listen to you and offer better advice. Perhaps GP or Samaritans would be worth bearing in mind.

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ajandjjmum · 09/04/2013 13:01

So sorry - that is dreadful for you all.

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Tortington · 09/04/2013 13:02

so sorry for your loss x

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paulapantsdown · 09/04/2013 13:04

I am so so sorry for your loss, and for your poor nephew.
Perhaps Cruise bereavement could help with what your nephew is going through?

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Doyouthinktheysaurus · 09/04/2013 13:04

I'm so sorry, what a tragedy for you and your familySad

Be kind to yourself. It sounds like you are doing brilliantly with supporting your children. I have no real experience of children and bereavement, just personal but I think what you are doing is spot on. Answer their questions, as you are, just as they arise and in age appropriate language.

I think it's okay for your dc's to see you sad, it is very sad when you lose someone you love and I think it's okay for children to see that and be part of that.

Take care x

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TanteRose · 09/04/2013 13:06

I am so so sorry for your loss Sad
How utterly tragic - thinking of you and your family

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duchesse · 09/04/2013 13:07

I am so sorry. No advice but my thoughts are with you.

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middleeasternpromise · 09/04/2013 13:11

How very difficult for you. You are right to think this through despite your own distress. Children are best given honest answers but ones that you can add to later when they are older and have a better understanding - they are least likely to ask more questions if the answers they get make sense. Suicide is usually the result of someone being ill in some way - irrational thoughts they cant conquer; depression that takes them very low - so you can stick with the ill part as a cause as this helps children understand they or other nearest and dearest are not at any risk.

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LittleFriendSusan · 09/04/2013 15:07

Thank you all for the kind thoughts.

I am feeling a little calmer now, it seems to come in waves... I guess we just need to take it as it comes with the children and be there for them. I think I will ring one of the helplines over the next few days. DN has gone with his mum to stay at his grandma's for a few days, so I don't know exactly what he's been told (DB & DN's mum were separated).

Will post more later, need to go take my parents to break the news to my grandmother :( (she's been away)

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Avavlon · 12/10/2023 12:35

My brother took his life many many years ago,he had undiagnosed scitzphnia and had walked out off a hospital while on section, so it had been reported heavy in the local press
My daughter was born years later and while she was at a swimming class was haven a general chat with another mother who suddenly said oh I know who you are it was your brother who took his life at so and so.
My daughter was only young about 6 or 7 but I knew I would have to tell her before it was all round the swimming class.
Next time she daw my mun she wanted to talk about it it was a subject my mother never discussed, she had moved slightly out off the area and many new friends didn't even know she'd had a son mum wasn't happy I'd told my young daughter but as other posted have said it much better that children hear the truth from their family then via other children
Next time my daughter attended swimming it was all round the class but my daughter was prepared and ready and shut down the conversation quite quickly.
My thoughts are with you terrible time

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