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Bereavement

dear mum

9 replies

Kafri · 06/04/2013 21:14

hi guys.

guess I need a little help here...

my lovely mum has died this morning. she had a massive stroke on tuesday and deteriorated over the next few days.
we had just had my 15 week baby boys christening on sunday which she loved and was telling all her work colleagues about on tuesday.
they also said she was really happy in work on Tuesday. we have evidence that she went about her usual business - paid money into bank, bought pet food and bottle of wine then headed home where she went on her crafting website and left a post. then it seems she went to make a sandwich and a brew and had the stroke on the way back to her craft room.

whats upsetting me more is that she was alone for 24 hours before we found her and I hate the idea of her lying on the cold hall floor freezing overnight it was only when she didn't arrive at work on weds that her colleagues contacted us.

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Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 06/04/2013 21:23

Oh Kafri I'm so sorry, what a horrible thing to happen. No real words of wisdom but couldn't read and run. So sorry for you, it's shit isn't it? I lost my mum years ago to cancer and my DMil last year also to cancer. But we knew it was coming. Must have been an awful shock for you.

At least you got to show her your ds and know that she was happy. It's small comfort I know, but at least remember that she must have been happy.

We told our dds that Nanny is up in the stars. When they see the stars out they say it's Nannys twinkling eyes. I hope you find something to hold on to.

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Kafri · 06/04/2013 21:37

my dad died when i was 5 and my mum told me he was the brightest star in the sky and would always be watching me. at 29, I still look for the brightest star each night.

I feel so silly but I don't feel old enough to not have a mum or dad to look out for me.

im so happy she got to meet ds especially as he was long waited for and finally the result of ivf.

just don't understand why she's gone. x

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twentyten · 06/04/2013 21:41

So sorry. X

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Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 06/04/2013 21:47

I know what you mean. I lost my dad a few years before my mum. We've only got dh's dad left now and he's lovely but he's not into child care much and only sees the dc's when he comes to visit us. I feel a bit bereft of that older generation. I am not old enough to be the oldest generation yet!

Are you having a funeral? Would it help to talk about it? Her favourite songs, that sort of thing?

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t875 · 07/04/2013 01:00

Oh Kafri {{{}} I am so sorry to read this! And shockingly this is what happened to my mum, massive stroke in her sleep, went to bed that night, i spoke to her normal in the day laughing and joking we found out the next day there was no hope for her ever coming back, i am reliving that time right now, it was early hours of sunday when it happened to her. Its shit it really is I really know how you feel. Please come and see the group here support for missing a parent, we are all in different places some have also sadly lost both their parents like your self. It has been a massive support for me through this first year.

The next few days, hrs even will be so very hard, take care of you, and surround yourself with people that you love and care and feel comfortable with. Once again Im so very sorry. I really know how you are feeling and please pm me if u need to chat x

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Kafri · 07/04/2013 22:13

ive been at her house today trying to sort through some of her things and gathering paperwork for places i have to inform.
have no choice to do it now while dh has a few days off work to look after ds. hes only 15 weeks and I would struggle to get anything done if i took him with me. he insists on being entertained all the time.

there's so much to do. I've never had to do it before as i was only little when dad died so didn't get involved with sorting things out.

we don't know if she had made a will and don't know which solicitors she would have used if she did. dsis recalls her saying something about a will but it was years ago so ???

its all so exhausting with a little one at home too. never get chance to just rekax and remember her - out all day sorting her home then back to mine to sort meal, ds and then paperwork for mum.

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t875 · 07/04/2013 23:32

Oh you poor thing Kafri. Please come and find us on the thread i said it is such a supportive place, people jump back and forth and some of us talk more, i have just got over the time my mum had her stroke last year in the same situation as you. It really is horrendous and i really feel for you.

Look after you too, have you got any siblings that can help you? Hope you have a good support network round you, friends and family?

Please know Im thinking of you through this very hard time and here like i say anytime you need a chat. It really is all such a shock, get help where you can hun. {{{hugs}}} to you xx

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Freesia2013 · 09/04/2013 22:45

So sorry for your loss, my mum passed away unexpectedly 2 months ago and I have been through the same guilt feelings, about how it happened the ifs and buts.

Totally agree, I don't understand why so many lovely mums are taken early. Try to take it easy lots of things to sort out over the next few weeks but it's so tiring so take one day at a time, can anyone help with your childcare just for a few hours as getting some much needed rest really helps. It took a few weeks before I felt I was functioning normally and I don't have kids so must be more difficult for you.