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12 week scan and dad's cancer diagnonis all in the same week :- (

(8 Posts)
Lovestodance Fri 22-Mar-13 12:30:20

Feeling really emotional, I've been trying to get pregnant for a while and delighted that I'm now 13 weeks. I haven't even told my parents I'm trying (despite being 37 they must be itching to know!) because all I wanted to do was go home one day with the good news and a scan photo.... I had an early miscarriage last year so doubly wanted to make sure before spilling the beans.

.... anyway that day is planned for this weekend but last night found out my dad has inoperable lung cancer and without chemo only has 6 months to live. He'll be starting treatment soon and hopefully they can prolong his life beyond 6 months - ie the time I'll be due to give birth.

I feel so emotional about everything especially as my scan and his results were in the same week. Am dreading telling them on one hand because I don't want him to get upset about potentially not having much/any time with his (first) grandchild, then again I am hoping it will be a big positive in such a crappy siutation.

Am also worried that being upset and sad will affect my baby.

Anyone with any advice in a similar situation?


IslaValargeone Fri 22-Mar-13 12:38:00

Oh Gosh, I'm sorry, what an awful situation for you.
I haven't been in a similar situation although my sil has. She found out she was pg with first child when her fil was diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer.
The news of the baby has been very positive for him. He wasn't expected to see out her pregnancy but he has and is still around 5 months after the birth, enjoying every minute of his time with his grandson.
It sounds so trite to say keep positive, but I think it's the only thing you can do. Look after yourself.

IndigoBarbie Fri 22-Mar-13 12:45:07

Hi there, I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. Congratulations for you though. I am wondering if you can look upon the situation with different eyes. I'd like to share with you a tiny nugget from my own life, not so you will feel sorry or anything - but entirely the contrary (hopefully). I lost my own father the week after my DS was born. We didn't have any time to know that he wouldn't be there. It was also to cancer, but he was only diagnosed as untreatable about 8 weeks before he passed.
Knowing this is such a challenging time for you, I wonder if you might, somehow, not think about the way things may or may not turn out - but instead focus on each moment you have right now. I mean this with complete love, as when we go into fear of the unknown this can be our focus. Living life appreciating what you have right now is one of the best ways to be. Hopefully if you are able to, accompanying him to get his treatment or doing other such spending time with tasks, will take your mind off what may lie ahead.
I send love to all of you, and hope that you are able to treasure each moment with your Dad, even if it means taking some time out of your normal daily routine to just 'shoot the breeze' with him. It can really go towards creating lasting memories that will help heal your heart when you might need that too.
Lots of love to you xxx

fedupwithdeployment Fri 22-Mar-13 12:58:21

I can't add much to what others have said - you've had some good advice.

My story is a bit different. I lost my mother to cancer years ago, when I was 24. Ten years later, when i was expecting DS2, my Dad announced he had early stage prostrate cancer. He was pretty worried given what had happened to my mum, and he also had a history of heart issues. Anyway, we told him almost immediately about DS2 (i was about 6 weeks pg, hadn't worked out the dates). not sure what impact it had, but he was delighted - and it was something for him to focus on when the treatment was difficult. He is still around some 7 years later, in pretty good health. You don't want to overplay it, but it is nice to have some good news when most things are bleak.

Thinking of you.

Soppykiss Sat 23-Mar-13 19:29:46

Hi Lovestodance

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad.
I've not been in exactly the same situation as you, but hope I may be able to offer a little help. My fiance was diagnosed with cancer the same day we found out I was pregnant. I was an emotional wreck, I would spend a lot of my time crying. I spent a lot of time with my fiance whilst he was in hospital and to a certain extent forgot I was pregnant as he was my priority.

My fiance passed away two months ago and again my poor little bump had to deal with me being an emotional mess. I've had regular antenatal appointments and my bump is healthy and the right size. I was worried that my grieving would distress baby but they are so resilient. My bump offers me comfort when I need it the most. A friend of mine lost her mum whilst she was pregnant too, and her baby is now a healthy one year old.

All I can say is that your baby should get you through the hard and difficult times. I talk to my bump and explain why I am crying.


QuickQuickSloe Sat 23-Mar-13 19:41:24

Hi Loves to Dance

My mum was diagnosed with a brain tumour about ten days after the birth of my DS. At the time I couldn't believe how bad the timing was- we should have all been filled with joy and instead we were frightened, worried and sad. I couldn't stop thinking about how our lives were supposed to be going with DS having his adoring nana in his life.

It's nineteen months later now, and my mum is very ill and I am terribly sad. But, my DS has kept us all going. We have had to for his sake, my mum would hate to think his little life was being overshadowed by this bloody disease. I was worried it would affect my bonding with DS but if anything we share more of a bond than I would thought possible.

Your baby will bring joy and light in such a dark time. My mum often cries that she won't see him grow up but cherishes every minute she has with him and celebrates every milestone. We have some bloody hard and bleak times, but I agree with IndigoBarbie to take each day as it comes, and cherish what you can.

I am so sorry about your dad xxx

Lovestodance Tue 26-Mar-13 19:13:57

Thank you all so much for your kind and supportive words.

Indigobarbie, fedupwithdeployment, soppy kiss - I'm so sorry for your respective losses.

I went home for a few days and had a lovely time with my family, think the shock of the diagnosis is sinking in and we're all focusing on treatment now.

Indigobarbie what you say is so true and I really focused on your advice! I actually now feel grateful that I have an amazing family and a baby on the way, there is heartache ahead but for today everything is ok.

Oh and mum and dad were overjoyed at my news, dad cried which is the first time I've ever seen him cry. Was a lovely moment and now something positive to focus on.

Love and inner strength to you all.

IndigoBarbie Tue 26-Mar-13 20:43:51

Sending love to everyone xxxx

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