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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

dreading mother's day.

16 replies

newcastle34 · 16/02/2013 21:34

Anniversary of my fathers death is coming up so I am feeling quite fragile. it has been 20 years but the pain seems worse since I have had another baby he will never meet.
Mum's anniversary is also coming up (2 years) . I have just realised that it is the day before mothers day. Dreading it already.
Sibling is coming up for anniversary weekend so I am tempted to tell dh I won't be seeing his mother this year.

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clippityclop · 16/02/2013 21:53

Then celebrate, celebrate that you have such love for your parents who loved you so well and so long, celebrate your mother in law who brought your dh into the world. Your parents live on in you and your children. Would they want you to be gloomy? I think not. Set an example to your children and enjoy life, plan something special to enjoy with your whole family and have a very happy mothers day!

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whiteandyelloworchid · 17/02/2013 10:32

I would say that's really odd advice clippity

I think you need to do what you feel you can handle op, if you don't feel upto it this year seeing your mil, itsnperfectly understanderble
Spend the day with your sibling if that what would help you the most

I hope the days pass ok Ir as peacefully asnpossible for you

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BiscuitsandBaileys · 17/02/2013 13:17

I think it's very easy to tell someone to celebrate but the reality is very different. It's been 13 months since I lost my mum and I found last mothers day very hard.
I went to the crematorium in the morning and had a good cry. Dh made sure I was ok and went to see his mum on his own, I think he took her to a garden centre or something whilst I did some baking with dd's.
Just do what you feel like doing and don't worry about pleasing others.
{hugs}

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newcastle34 · 17/02/2013 13:39

The last 2 mothers days i have done just that. Put on a brave face for dc and spent it with in laws. The last time we announced my pregnancy and i found it really tough. I also said something like I am still waiting for dc to get mothers day gift and lovely mil told me I would have to forget about it as another baby on way. Yet she was quite happy for her son to spend £200 on himself.

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newcastle34 · 17/02/2013 13:40

Thank you for your replies.

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newcastle34 · 17/02/2013 13:42

Thank you for your replies.

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whiteandyelloworchid · 17/02/2013 16:55

newcastle, was your mil trying to say you shouldnt be getting a treat for yourself from your dc?
yet it was ok for dh to spend on himself

if so she souds like an idiot

definatley definalty do what you want to do.
we have to do whats right for us and put ourselves first
to just get through the days

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londontj · 24/02/2013 16:16

I have every sympathy OP and feel the same about impending mother's day sadness (my Mum died in September). The adverts are already getting to me. I think sometimes you just have to make your excuses to MILs and DPs and do what you need to do to make the day slightly easier. I found celebrating what would have been my Mum's birthday alone with my siblings helpful because there was no pressure to put on a brave face and the result was an evening of laughter as well as sadness. I hope it isn't too sad for you and that you get the space you need.

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littlemefi · 24/02/2013 16:32

I had first anniversary of mum's death couple of weeks ago, and spent time with my dad, brothers and dd.
We went out for the day and had a family lunch, reminisced over old times and days out etc with mum.
Last year, Mother's Day wasn't long after mum's death and I found it really difficult, I felt I was grieving for all the mothers's days in the future we would never have.

And the adverts etc, cards in card shops are everywhere, I'm finding it hard again this year. I'll probably be putting on a brave face and try and enjoy the day as best I can, and have lots of cuddles with dd.

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fuckwittery · 24/02/2013 21:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jessie28 · 25/02/2013 10:48

I agree with clippityclop - it's all about celebrating and not mourning.

I lost my Mum in May but my brother and I are celebrating Mother's Day. She wouldn't want it any other way!

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DioneTheDiabolist · 25/02/2013 11:04

Newcastle, please contact Cruse, they provide bereavement counseling and may be able to help you.

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NormaStanleyFletcher · 25/02/2013 11:20

My mum died last week. I haven't thought about what we will do. We will try to celebrate in some way.

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newcastle34 · 25/02/2013 21:53

Thank you for your replies and sorry to all those who have lost a loved one.
Things have moved on alittle. We are not spending mothers day with the in laws. (probably 1st since we married). We are meeting another day because sil is out with her inlaws!
Incidently if I do spend mothers day with siblings hopefully we will be able to celebrate our parents life.

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HavingALittleFaithBaby · 28/02/2013 20:52

I saw a sign this week that said Don't forget Mother's Day! It seems rather ironic when it feels like its being rubbed in your face!

I tend to buy my Mum's favourite flowers (she died 5 years ago) and try to remember her positively. (I've been in the horrible position of TTC difficulties and not having my Mum! Happily I'm pregnant now but DC child will be a but early if I get to celebrate this year).

I think it's good that you're not seeing your MIL, she sounds rather unsympathetic and unhelpful! Do prompt your OH to get gifts from your children. You should be celebrating being a Mum in your own right :)

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newcastle34 · 04/03/2013 16:15

Sadly dh doesn't really think of gifts. Got them the year mum died but none since. Even than only got them on the day whilst out shopping together. Also survived meal with in laws. This time she was asking dh if he had brought his latest lego set. (He had) and than had a go at ds for wanting to get a toy. He paid fot it from his pocket money. Ds has to wait for his birthday but fine for dh. O and ok for her to buy stuff for dd.
Really starting to resent her. Just want my mum.