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As we go through this painful journey together

(986 Posts)
lavandes Sun 10-Feb-13 21:24:05

As we go through this painful journey together we share, cry, scream and shout but we never judge, we know that there is always someone to listen. We always remember our precious children who will never be forgotten and will live on forever in our hearts.

shabbatheGreek Tue 23-Apr-13 09:07:52

Thanks love xx

I keep reminding myself of the depression and sadness that came with the loss of Gareth & Matt and telling myself that I 'recovered' and we 'regrouped' afterwards BUT the situation with my parents is so difficult, and then I realised it was because of their strength and support that I did somehow survive the loss of my it is my turn to help them in the same way. I can and I certainly will but I wish that I didn't have to. xxx

whiteandyellowiris Tue 23-Apr-13 20:29:50

oh shabs so sorry to hear all this, you must feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders

so you havea brother, do you have any other siblings that could help you will supporting your parents, is your brother much help? i'm guessing maybe not that much of a help, if hes going through a marriage crisis

i hope theres someone to support you, of course you have us guys here

i often worry how i will cope if anything happens, well, when something happens to my mum and dad, as they have been a huge support to me since ds died.
i never used to be close to them, never really let them in, i was always i don't need any help with anything type, but nothing really really bad had ever really happened to me before, and tbh i didnt really need any help with anything, dd was an easy baby and my life was great really
but after losing ds i knew i needed help, and i let them in, and they have been great, but that does make me worry, how will i cope if/when i lose them

shabbatheGreek Tue 23-Apr-13 21:17:03

No just me and my brother. He is a very, very capable kind of person and organises my parents lives for them.....but they dont want organising LOL. We dont always get on well together but he is a massive help to me. His son, and my two sons have been doing loads for their Grandparents.

My Dad said today how proud he is of his 3 grandsons and wishes that Gareth & Matt where here as well. xx

whiteandyellowiris Tue 23-Apr-13 22:31:20

oh thats good you have support in him

your dad sounds really in tune with you and your boys xx

MiaAlexandrasmummy Tue 23-Apr-13 22:34:51

shabba so sorry to hear how the burden of love seems so heavy for you at the moment. Like lavandes, I wish I could help.

18 months since Mia died tonight.

shabbatheGreek Tue 23-Apr-13 22:37:59

Mias my Dad gave me some money today and said 'get yourself a treat.' I have bought a glass jar (about 8 inches tall and 5 inches around) it has a lid. Inside is a massive vanilla scented candle. Have had it burning tonight and the smell is beautiful. Just to remember my sons and all our children. xxxx

shabbatheGreek Wed 24-Apr-13 06:48:03

Morning girls xx

MiaAlexandrasmummy Wed 24-Apr-13 19:08:26

shabs just want to say - you are GREAT. Amidst all the worry and work, you use your gift from your dad to do something for us all, remembering our children alongside Gareth and Matty. xx

shabbatheGreek Wed 24-Apr-13 20:27:34

blush I love candles, especially scented ones. I have them all over the place. Think candles are perfect to just sit and remember. I can always hear Matt singing (on top note) 'This wittle wite of mine...Im gonna wet it shine' in assembly at school. smile

lavandes Thu 25-Apr-13 08:24:32

Morning ladies xx

shabbatheGreek Thu 25-Apr-13 09:47:27

Morning girls xx

How you doing today Lavandes? xx

lavandes Thu 25-Apr-13 10:05:35

Not too bad Shabs April is difficult with all the 'dates' but I am coming through it. My dear friend, my sister and my husbands auntie remembered but there was no word from his sister and her family, not unexpected we have become a bit 'untouchable' IYKWIM but we are used to it now. How did your shopping trip go. xx

shabbatheGreek Thu 25-Apr-13 10:40:57

Shopping trip went well Lavandes. Mum becomes the boss again like she used to be when we go out together. smile

So sorry your in laws did not say anything to you....I think some people think what we have lived through is 'catching' or simply dont know what to say - so they say nothing which is a thousand times worse.

I think of your lovely lad often - especially when I am cooking and taking 'shortcuts!!!' I get the gravy granules out of the cupboard and whisper 'Sorry Richard smile' xxx

lavandes Thu 25-Apr-13 10:49:51

Thanks Shabs I remember one time when we bought a load of beef bones and cooked them in the slow cooker for at least 24 hours to make stock for gravy and we ended up with one jug of delicious gravy grin x

lavandes Thu 25-Apr-13 10:59:46

Also after 3 years of thinking about the way other people deal with us I do now understand that they are not really unkind but they really do not have a clue what to say, whether they should just not say anything in case it upsets us or say what they are thinking, it really is a minefield.

whiteandyellowiris Thu 25-Apr-13 15:04:58

Hi everyone

Just had a total cringing moment in hairdressers

The hairdresser was running 20 mins late, I was fretting as I need to get in time for school run

She was trying to start conversations with me non stop

It was awful

She said have you got a day off work today....

I just muttered yeah

Then she said are you in tomorrow or do you have some time off, I muttered er I have some time off, I was thinking any min now she's going to ask me what I do, rather than putting words into my mouth

Shit did a crap cut and I just wanted to get out of there so I said I've gotta go
Didn't give her time to put any products or anything in my hair
I said I had to dash off for the school run

Then she said boy or girl, to which I I said what ???.
Then she said do you have a boy or a girl, to which I muttered girl, while feeling feel and guilty about ds

Then she started saying how old etc

Oh I just really wanted to get out of there so bad, I virtually jumped up

Fucking hell why is life as a bereaved parent this hard all the time, even the most simple tasks feels so bloody hard

I didn't really feel like telling her my whole life story

I hope I don't bump into her around
Mind you doubt she will remember me
It felt like a pack of lies building a nd building

SaintVera Thu 25-Apr-13 21:11:16

white you have hit on the reason I haven't had my hair cut for a year. I simply can't bear the intimacy of being at the hairdressers; the small talk and the possibility I will be asked how many children I have. I have been asking friends if they know hairdressers who don't talk to their customers..

I also find it too painful to go to my corner shop so haven't been in once in 6 months. Despite knowing about Sean's death, they always say 'how are you?', without looking up, as if they had forgotten within a week of his death that I am not doing well. I avoid chatty cashiers at he supermarket who ask me how I am, just in case I am tempted to be truthful.

I am thinking of finding a hairdressers in another town and pretending to be someone else with a different life if they start quizzing me.

Love to all of you ladies xx

MiaAlexandrasmummy Thu 25-Apr-13 21:23:21

White, I'm sorry she made you feel bad. But don't worry about her, she is irrelevant to your life. Completely. Don't let her silly questions get you down.

Shabs, your home must smell lovely with all your candles!!

Lavandes, that description of Richard's 24-hour slow cooked gravy made my mouth water...

whiteandyellowiris Fri 26-Apr-13 10:46:10

oh i don't think she was in the wrong, she was only asking perfectly normal questions really

i just, don't know, feel a bit shit something so simple feels so difficult, and i don't know why i go along with things sometimess when words are put into my mouth

Charleymouse Fri 26-Apr-13 12:46:59

Afternoon Ladies
Sorry been AWOL, sits on naughty step for 43 minutes!

So sorry for everyone who is having a tough time at the moment.

Well that's another birthday/remember day over until next year.
April has been difficult this year. I am enjoying the signs of spring arriving and new life budding once again. Tis quite reassuring that the circle of life goes on even though there are days when I want the world to stop turning and shout at people.

Shabba so sorry to hear the news your Dad is unwell, keep the tipples coming is what I say. Sending massive big hugs up your way.

We visited B just before his birthday this year and took him all the flowers off his Grandads coffin. It was quite nice to visist him with other people, they seemed to like visiting him as well.

Much love to all

shabbatheGreek Fri 26-Apr-13 17:27:54

Hiya everybody xx

Have hit 'the wall' today - so very tired that I feel sick.

Managed to get WWE tickets for Tom and 2 of his friends today. They cost a fortune but he has saved all the money himself (my parents give him spends). Not till November but he is beyond excited smile

MiaAlexandrasmummy Fri 26-Apr-13 22:53:40

white perfectly normal questions are often quite thoughtless, I find... and it's hard not to go along with them, we just want to be 'normal'.

charley no need for the naughty step, just nice to see you back. xx

shabs no idea what WWE is, but you are a lovely mum to put in all that effort to get those tickets for Tom!! Any chance of a break this weekend, even for a couple of hours for a sleep-in or the luxury of an afternoon nap?

Just learnt from my mum that a family friend (whose son was my friend, but died of muscular dystrophy) lights a candle for Mia every time she goes to church. I am so touched. I think she only met my little red-head once.

shabbatheGreek Sat 27-Apr-13 10:50:26

Morning girls xx

WWE (means World Wrestling entertainment) is mainly American wrestlers. According to our Tom its the best sport in the world 'even though I know some of it is not real' as he always says.

25,000 tickets were sold in about 20 minutes yesterday for the MEN arena in the centre of Manchester so it is very, very popular.

He has always watched it on TV but never been able to get tickets before - its not till November 11th but he is already way beyond giddy!! LOL

lavandes Sat 27-Apr-13 15:46:42

We took our boys to see Giant Haystacks and Big Daddy at a wrestling event in our town when they were about 8 or 9 (only oldies will know what I am talking about) they loved it, it was hilarious. x

shabbatheGreek Sat 27-Apr-13 16:30:22

Oh I remember them well Lavandes smile

WWE is 'big business' - they put on a spectacular show - Tom and his friends are going to be making their own banners and signs with their favourite wrestlers names on them smile He is on a WWE forum and was so excited to put on that he had tickets for this years event in Manchester.

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