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(5 Posts)
butisthismyname Sat 15-Dec-12 17:35:52

It will be 46 years since my dad died. I was 2 and have never ever grieved for him. My sister who was older is going through the process now and it's really getting to me. I feel I should be doing something about it too. Our mother has never spoken about him, just ignores any questions I've ever had. Ever year on the 16th dec, she phones and says 'you know what today is don;t you?' and I say 'yes', and that's it! It's my sister who has given me some insight into the relationship our parents had ( awful from what i can gather) and the kind of man he was. I feel at a complete crossroads tbh. I've got through this far without really dealing with it but I know that my life has been very difficult - because of? in spite of? I don't know. Don't know whether to get some counselling or not. I'm lucky in that through my job I have daily access to Cruse - and have spoken briefly to a counsellor ad hoc as it were. She feels I would benefit. Has anyone ever waited this long? I think I'm scared!

ClareMarriott Sat 15-Dec-12 23:14:50

I can really relate to some of the feelings you have at this time as my own father died 45 years ago ( I was 11 ) and it is if I have lived my whole life without him. Strangely enough, I have been thinking of having counselling as I feel as if I need to investigate my feelings about the what if scenario . In a way it is almost overwhelming to think about what could have been. I am sorry that your mother has been unable to speak to you about him , my mother died some time ago but the little she spoke about him and what I know from my other sisters, he was a really fine and good man ( and I am left handed like he was ! ) I hope things work out for you and your sister

MayaAngelCool Sat 15-Dec-12 23:42:30

You can't rationalise grief. Go for counselling and see what happens. Best of luck.

everlong Sun 16-Dec-12 11:47:40

That's hard for you. I'm sorry your mum didn't ever talk about your dad. She was probably dealing with her own feelings regarding his death and their relationship but I think she should have included you.

I lost my mother aged 4. I don't remember her either. My family have never really discussed her unless I drag it out of them.

But I think you're right this kind of grief needs explaining, helped to understand, encouraged to deal with.

I would definitely talk to cruse.

Hugs for today x

butisthismyname Sun 16-Dec-12 12:32:47

Thank you. I think I will. Have had a cheery weekend reading 'Father Loss' grin which is putting a lot of things into perspective, and do need to get this sorted out in one way or another.

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