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Support thread for anyone grieving for a parent

(980 Posts)
mummylin2495 Sat 08-Dec-12 19:28:41

I have done as maybe has suggested and started a new thread.My comp dosent cope well with long threads.

mummylin2495 Tue 26-Mar-13 15:08:36

Just had a phone call from my dd .her ex partners mum that I told you about is having a driver fitted today or tomorrow.she has now developed scepticimia and ther is no hope of a recovery .they say she will die in two or three all sounds awful to me,but I know she is in terrible pain.and it must be intolerable for her.she is the other nan to my gd,s. As I told you before my gd,s already went to say their goodbyes a couple of weeks again and I don't think they will be going again as they found it too upsetting last time. I expect she will just go into a sleep and not wake up. Very sad situation for that side of the family. X

likesnowflakesinanocean Tue 26-Mar-13 19:45:49

sorry to hear that mummylin its a horrible time the waiting that is what we were like with mum. we were told she there was nothing they could do on a friday and to expect within 2 days and she sticked with us until the friday after. we were there every day she never spoke, very rarely opened her eyes. it was horrible sat there just waiting for her to die. half hoping someone had cocked up and it wasnt true but half hoping she would let go so she wouldnt be in pain. was the worst week of my life. I hope that your gds will be okay and i agree if they have been and said their goodbyes its best that way. I wish i couldd of taken ds to say goodbye to mum but he wouldnt of coped or understood. be strong and there for them they still need you.

I am not having a good week this week things have been pretty naff lately with various problems and i just miss her so much. i wish i could hear her voice and just have her company for a few hours. someone said to me the other day that they were suprised i was still sruggling and that she was ill and we expected it so that must of made it easier. if they werent over the internet i would of flattened them really annoyed me. I just feel so cheated seeing people with their mums out shopping. i go to my nans often, we have a laugh and joke and talk with my sis too. i like to spend time with them but it just reminds me that ds will never have that or a nan to do it with anymore. dps mum is lovely but she isnt nan like if that makes sense. We dont see her very often at all apart from in passing at school or if we pop in. so my ds will never get the chance to have what ive had.

am wallowing tonight i think, full of a cold and generally feeling crappy. sending hugs to all those on here who are struggling and those who arent aswell its nice to have someone to talk to who doesnt seem to permanantly have their foot in their mouth x

mummylin2495 Tue 26-Mar-13 20:24:26

I know how you feel about seeing others with their mums. I read in the obits in the paper and see that people have died aged 95 or something and whilst I wouldn't wish anyone else to die I can't help thinking why my mum couldn't of lived to that age.i am so envious.we didn't have any waiting around for my mum as she was not ill prior to her death,but it was a massive massive shock.which is why I think I still find it so hard to can someone be here one day and just a few hours later die ? She is so badly missed.sorry you have had a difficult time of it . Xx

likesnowflakesinanocean Tue 26-Mar-13 20:34:16

am just really annoyed at the minute but we are having a pretty shitty time where we live so its not helped. i miss her so much so know how you feel. it is so wrong and i dont think it will ever make sense to me sad

mummylin2495 Tue 26-Mar-13 21:45:43

Are you still having problems with damn horrible neighbours ?

vladthedisorganised Wed 27-Mar-13 09:30:23

Snowflakes sad -sending hugs.
I know exactly how you feel about your dp's mum being different - DH's mum is very sweet, very devout, hates gossip and has a very gentle sense of humour. Would never dream of doing anything without being asked first.
My mum was gallus, bossy, loved a good gossip, had a quick and mischeivous sense of humour and once she'd decided something there was no stopping her. It's a bit like comparing a bluebell with a tornado - different things.
DH's mum loves DD a lot in her quiet way, but I'm not sure DD will grow up with the reflex action to the words 'Well, apparently..' that I did, and I miss that. (Well, she'll have my sarcasm, but mum was a lot better at finding out things than I am!)
I can't bear to see DH's nan at the moment (well, she isn't sure who I am now and before the Alzheimers set in she never liked me much anyway: I think she liked the idea of DH having a nice, quiet, meek sort as a wife rather than me!) as every time we see her she keeps saying nobody cares about her, nobody ever goes to see her and she just wants to die. I can't handle it now as I think that Mum certainly didn't want to die - she had everything to live for and was a healthy, active 63 year old. I have no response to a 93 year old thinking her life is over apart from 'don't be ridiculous!' which doesn't help..

likesnowflakesinanocean Wed 27-Mar-13 09:40:19

sounds tough vlad, I know what you mean though you lose a lot of tolerance for people I think especially those who seem so down on things. it must be hard. I agree with what your saying about different people my mum was feisty, always had my back. dps mum is lovely but its not the same. yep still having a few problems mummylinn wish I could pick my house up and drop it in a field grin.

BiscuitsandBaileys Wed 27-Mar-13 10:58:54

Hi all.
vlad and hatsybatsy hope you're both doing ok. My dad also died from lung cancer and never smoked, hated it in fact. His was from working with asbestos many years ago, something I'll always be very bitter about sad
The cartoons sound great vlad, is that something you do for fun?

mummylin I have two tattoos already. A small one that I had done when I was 17 18 that luckily I still love! I had one at the top of my back last year, a pattern with hearts and stars. That was partly for mum but also because I thought life's too short to not do the things we want to. Dad was a little disapproving when I told him but liked it once I had it done. The same with this next one, I'm having it on the inside of my lower arm. At first I was worried what people will think, then I thought it's my arm and my life!

t875 Hope you're ok, I know Easter is earlier this year but still tough times for you {hugs}

snowflakes hope you're feeling better today, some people really have no idea {hug} for you too.

mummylin2495 Wed 27-Mar-13 14:16:40

Hi everyone,hope you all feel warmer than I do today,it's freezing. Has a couple of little snow furies but nothing major.have heard nothing today about the lady but did text her son to say he was in my thoughts. Even though he is no longer with my dd I think a lot of him and regard him as part of my fact he was here for Xmas dinner. He and my dd still care for each other very much ,but sadly he cares for drink more. Two of his brothers have died on the same path.

mummylin2495 Wed 27-Mar-13 17:14:47

Just had the sad call, she died about an hour ago sad

likesnowflakesinanocean Wed 27-Mar-13 17:23:54

sorry to hear that mummylinn x

ssd Wed 27-Mar-13 21:24:28

mummylin thats so sad sad

havent been here much but am thinking of you all xx

t875 Wed 27-Mar-13 22:53:39

Oh Mummylin Im so sorry to hear this, you poor thing, my word all you have heard and been through lately! ((hugs)) to you xx

Ssd - will pm you hun, always thinking of you.

Biscuits - Thank you for thinking of me, thinking of you too. Hope your going along well. Will get back to you smile

Well what a time coming up... sadthis is what is going on with me atm
ok, this weekend is easter, good Friday last year was the last day I spoke to my mum, we spoke about eating fish and chips, when we were going to give each other easter eggs the next day. This was the last time we spoke, then that night she went to bed and had a massive stroke. sad
next week is the dates it actually happened, then the week after on the 12th is the date she actually passed after taking her last breath in her coma. sad

such a sad time..I have to give the girls a good easter this year as I was backwards and forwards to the hospital last year. I will light a candle and I will probably get her a little egg, so a few crafty things with the girls.

Just cant believe it, how the hell can she be gone! With you mummylin, how can someone be here one day then the next gone! :'-( We never saw that coming atall, only that she looked very tired but we would have never seen it!

Thinking of everyone on the thread. Hope your all going along the best you all can. Least weve got this thread eh xx

t875 Thu 28-Mar-13 07:56:34

I apologies for the epic post last night!! Blimey I was chatting!! ;-) x

mummylin2495 Thu 28-Mar-13 09:27:15

You know what the saying is t875 it's good to talk ! Had a quick text from my dd ex to say he feels in a daze. I really feel for him but am also worried that now his drinking will get even worse. He is really a lovely bloke but is an alcoholic with numerous health issues of his own. My dd and gd's are not enough to make him stop nor the death of two brothers from the same thing. We fear this will escalate now. God this life is complicated and shit sometimes isn't it x

vladthedisorganised Thu 28-Mar-13 09:31:07

<hugs> to mummylin and t875..

ssd Thu 28-Mar-13 15:47:57

exactly what vlad said ^^

likesnowflakesinanocean Thu 28-Mar-13 16:11:44

hey all, still not in a good place cant sleep properly. miss her so bloody much and it feels like one thing after another round here. id usually be choosing her an easter egg round now not rereading old texts wishing i could sleep through it

ssd Thu 28-Mar-13 20:22:51

am sorry snowflake sad xx

mummylin2495 Thu 28-Mar-13 21:10:33

snowflake I usually got my mum an egg too. Last year I took a little egg to the cemetery and left it there for her. I am sorry you are feeling so down. If I win millions I will help you move ! Just had a long call from my dd about her ex,s mum.its so sad and all this started when she rang out a bloody mop and broke a bone just above her hip.she went into hosp on Boxing Day and from then in her health rapidly went downhill and ending with her death yesterday. It's all so it's bought back all about my mum once again.when does this stop if ever. Keep your chin up.onwards and upwards as they say thanks xx

likesnowflakesinanocean Thu 28-Mar-13 21:19:52

got to go somewhere from here so upwards would be good! I do think its given me less tolerance for other people but that may not be a bad thing. been looking through my photos and actually feel abit better i think i needed it. read aload of comments on my facebook on the boys photos and its just reminded just how much she loved them and wanted them to have the best of everything so i need to stop wallowing and boot myself up the arse cause i dont fancy her chucking photos round my living room or such other haunty stuff :P if there is something somewhere and shes watching she would be mighty pissed off with me right now for being such a misery.
how are we all? x

mummylin2495 Thu 28-Mar-13 21:27:08

Oh I always think my mum is watching me and that she will tell me off if I don't take her flowers etc ! How do we know she isn't. I am lucky in that I have lots of photos but I also have lots of video which I haven't plucked up the courage to watch yet. I think I would just open the floodgates and I wouldn't be able to stop, but one day I will watch them and no doubt have a little chuckle .opposite where I a, sitting at this minute is a photo of my mum, and it doesn't matter where you sit in the room her eyes are watching you. So I have to behave myself !!!!!

mummylin2495 Thu 28-Mar-13 21:29:57

I think I am just going to raid the tin of chops left from Xmas and take all the snickers out while dh is at the pub quiz , want one ? { chucks snowflakes a chocolate }

likesnowflakesinanocean Thu 28-Mar-13 21:33:06

sounds like a good idea might break out my easter chocs chucks chocolate about. we deserve it eh. I am not really a religious person, even less so now to be honest. it makes me sad i wish i could believe in something. anything. Although i did have a complete freak out the other day. i have a board of mums with all her photos,tickets, pictures from the kids on and i stomped into my room having a moan and said aloud god mum why is everything such a mess and it all fell down. i like to think if she is around it was her way of saying shut the feck up moaning and sort it lol

mummylin2495 Thu 28-Mar-13 21:39:34

I am not religious either but I do think my mum can see me ,how stupid is that.well I found a tin of celebrations and a tin of roses,so opened celebs for the snickers bars ! Yes I think our mums would give us all a boot up the bum and tell us get on with our lives,I wish it was that easy don't you.i like this sitting in my lounge ,I normally have to go upstairs to the room where my comp is,but now I have this iPad I can just sit here.i love it. Can't work it all yet,but mumsnet was my first goal !

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