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MIL dying

(5 Posts)
dottt Sat 17-Nov-12 14:17:56

mil had cancer, it has now returned and we have been told it is terminal. She is at home, it has gone to her stomach and lymph nodes and fluid has had to be drained off the lungs.

I would be grateful for
1/ Advice on how to tell dcs (9 and 6) they absolutely adore their grandma. We have said nothing yet, we only heard yesterday. I fear they will panic if we tell them gm is dying but perhaps I am wrong. My ds in particular is terrified of death and does not buy into the afterlife, dd does.

Also If grandma wants to see them is this something children can cope with, how have others dealt with this?

2/ Any practical advice about what help and support to offer mil. Practically hat do we need to do, tips on how to support my dear mil.


nursingdreams Sat 17-Nov-12 14:27:50

I have some experience all through work however. Try cruse bereavement care. They have tips and suggestions on how you can help children cope. If you MIL goes to a hospice most hospices have play specialists that they can contact who can spend some time with your DCs and answer some of their questions. Cruse also used to do books aimed at children about when someone close to them passes away.

You could also look at Marie curie website I'm sure they have lots of suggestions of how to support your MIL specifically aimed at cancer and hopefully you and your DH can find some support too.

Sorry you are all going through such a tough time

dottt Sat 17-Nov-12 19:04:50

Kind of you to reply. Those sites helpful.

twofalls Sat 24-Nov-12 13:32:47

Hi dott. I have sadly recent experience of this. My mil died 3 weeks ago in similar circumstances. We told dd1 (6) when we knew she had weeks left. It was the hardest thing but I am so glad we were honest. She is also glad she knew. She saw grandma in the hospice about 4 times and they talked a lot. Ave to go out now but will write more later. X

fortyplus Sat 24-Nov-12 13:39:03

My 2 were 8&10 when my dad died - 3 weeks following a stroke. We knew straight away that he was going to die. My dad also had heart/lung problems and had to have fluid drained - it was unpleasant so we made sure the boys weren't around when that was being done. They carried on seeing my dad almost to the end - the important thing is that they know it's ok if they want to stop.

At the moment your mil is 'grandma' not a 'dying person'. They love her - let them see her for as long as they want to.

Same with the funeral when it happens. I took mine to the crem a couple of days before and showed them everything and explained what would happen. It was their choice whether to go - they both wanted to

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