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Misty breeze wraps about my shoulders, thinly clad. I shiver not, despite the coolness on my skin. Comfort, I now feel. Is it you my precious Angel?

(971 Posts)
chipmonkey Tue 13-Nov-12 20:36:33

Starting a new thread for our angel babies
Sylvie-Rose 16/8/11 to 4/10/11 too short my love, too short.

chipmonkey Thu 15-Nov-12 23:39:49

No they don't shabs. When you've lost a child already, if the others fall ill, you always think it could be a terminal illness. And it you've already lost two children, then you must think you've lucked out so badly that any kind of shite could happen to you.

expatinscotland Thu 15-Nov-12 23:44:31

What chip said. shabs you lost two children! When your surviving child takes ill, it's normal to panic - I think all of us do! Totally normal and that rash would have scared the hell out of any of us.

I feel like hell tonight. I miss her.

MiaAlexandrasmummy Fri 16-Nov-12 10:47:07

expat <hugs>

shabba are you seeing a bit of improvement in Tom and his spectacular rash today? How long is it expected to last?

Had a little blub at the gym this morning... heard a children's choir on the TV singing the Take That song for Children in Need with all the words about "the stars are shining bright tonight for you" that fioled used in the last thread. Maybe it's hormones, maybe not. I had headphones on, so no idea how much noise I made or I received funny looks... I miss my Mia so much.

MrMia and I went to our bereaved parents' group last night. So many people there, so many new faces sad. One very special lady there, whom I had invited along, who was just as eloquent, brave and lovely as I had expected her to be.

Coming out afterwards, I realised that while I definitely moderate my exposure to new people now, that actually, I have made a lot of new friends over this past year, all because of Mia. All of you here, and then in RL, other beautiful kind people as well. It doesn't take away the pain, but you all provide such a bolster of support with your compassion and acceptance. thanks

Bluetinkerbell Fri 16-Nov-12 12:05:57

Some news to hopefully cheer you all up! Our little rainbow Lotta Beatrice arrived safely at home at 2.10 am today! smile our precious Sterre has done a good job as guardian angel!

shabbatheGreek Fri 16-Nov-12 14:04:59

Oh My Word grin Welcome to the big wide World Lotta Beatrice - what a lovely post xxxx

Did you plan a home birth?

Oh My Word - cant get 'over that.'

chipmonkey Fri 16-Nov-12 14:49:55

Oh, Blue, that's wonderful news! And a lovely, lovely name too!grin

My5boysandme Fri 16-Nov-12 16:04:18

Lovely news congratulations Blue. What a beautiful name too

I have a lady from the Scottish cot death trust coming to see me on Tuesday. I don't know how I feel about it, but I think it would be good to talk to someone about cot death. Weirdly I'm looking forward to just saying his name out loud with someone who wants me to talk about Dexter.

Hope your boy is feeling better Shabba. My ds2 had meningitis at 6 months so I understand the fear the rash brings.

Hope everyone's day is being kind to them xx

expatinscotland Fri 16-Nov-12 16:12:45

Congratulations, Blue!

shabs, how is Tom today?

shabbatheGreek Fri 16-Nov-12 17:31:16

Tom seems better than he was. Actually had some soup today!! Rash is 50% better - thank God.

cupofteaplease Fri 16-Nov-12 18:11:17

Congratulations Blue, and can I say, what a smashing middle name you've chosen there wink

Mia Thank you for inviting me to the bereavement group. It was lovely to meet you and I think it will be good for dh and I . It was 'good' to see him cry and talk about Beatrice so openly. I hope we didn't talk too much for newbies!

We're off for a weekend away this evening for our wedding anniversary. Don't know how I feel about it. We had originally booked into the hospice this weekend for some special time with Beatrice. I could never have guessed the next time we went there she would have passed away.

I went to meet SallyBear this morning and we mooched around the Christmas department in John Lewis. I felt so sad looking at all the beautiful twinkly lights that a certain little lady would have adored. I'm going to go back and buy some to hang on the cross at her grave. It all seems so wrong.

I asked her to visit me in my dreams last night, and there she was. My gorgeous girl.

triplets Fri 16-Nov-12 21:45:29

Just felt like popping in on so many lost beautiful children, so sad, so unfair............brave Mothers with broken hearts. Love and strength with you always xx

chipmonkey Sat 17-Nov-12 00:48:38

cup, I think you'll find that the break away will not exactly be a barrel of laughs but a change of scene can be a very good thing nevertheless. Dh and I went away a few months after Sylvie-Rose died and it was lovely. Of course we would rather have been knee-deep in nappies complaining of not being able to go away, but it was good to have some time just to ourselves.

shabbatheGreek Sat 17-Nov-12 10:03:40

Morning girls xx

Sorry I missed you Trips xx

chipmonkey Sat 17-Nov-12 13:42:21

Feck it. Have to buy outfit for dh's niece at some point today. She and Sylvie-Rose would be the same age if things were the way they should be. I managed to buy her an outfit when she was newborn so not sure why I feel so crap about it now, a year on.

missymoomoomee Sat 17-Nov-12 13:56:31

chip 14 years on from losing my son and nearly 6 years on from losing my daughter I still feel crap about things like that from time to time.

I went to check out some secondry schools recently DS is starting after the summer and started crying in the middle of the canteen just thinking about the fact that Scott would have been at that school now.

With Emma-Lou it was a bit different I suppose, because she was so ill right from birth so I never imagined a future where she wouldn't have a lot of problems, but I find myself sometimes staring if I see a little dark haired girl about her age in a wheelchair (I know I shouldn't be staring) and thinking about what should have been.

Even now its still a case of taking it a day at a time. sad Is there no one else that can nip out an buy the outfit for you?

lavandes Sat 17-Nov-12 14:29:07

Congratulations Blue wonderful news xx

chipmonkey Sat 17-Nov-12 17:37:22

One of my colleagues might go for me, I suppose but I don't know if I want to ask them. I could ask MIL but SIL is rarely very impressed at anything MIL buys and I can't say I blame her!

Firsttobed Sun 18-Nov-12 09:50:19

twinkle I just wanted you to know that you've been heard. I didn't want your heartfelt post to go unanswered and unacknowledged. You and the many other ladies on here are very brave just to be able to get through this awful time and keep going. We need to know that our cries for help have been seen.

I'm sorry that you're going through such a difficult time now. I am thinking of you if that helps. Keep going xx

whiteandyelloworchid Sun 18-Nov-12 19:32:25

congratulations blue xx enjoy every cuddle

personally been on a day out with 6 friends to a spa, just felt like a freak, the only person in my world whos baby has died.
they are all talking about there families, and there plans and their jobs etc
making plans
and i just feel myself becoming more and more withdrawn

came home sobbed to dh

i jut dont want to feel this sad all the time anymore

chipmonkey Sun 18-Nov-12 21:47:03

white I know.
It just seems like we're living in a post apocalytic world but our friends are all still in their normal world. So they're talking about the price of cake and we're going "Cake? We don't even have bread!"
I bought the outfit for Dh's niece. It's very cute but I deliberately looked for something I wouldn't have put on Sylvie-Rose. There was one outfit that was almost identical to the one we buried her in. I welled up when I saw it.
I am preparing for Christmas but although I'm not dreading it like I did last year, I'm not exactly looking forward to it either.

whiteandyelloworchid Sun 18-Nov-12 23:06:05

Thanks for the understanding chip, I just don't know if I should keep trying to do things or if I should just not. But guess I worry if I withdraw completely it will harm me more in the long run ?

Its just this never ending sadness, just really hoping it will get easier in time

Good idea about the outfit, good to get something you wouldn't have choosen x

MiaAlexandrasmummy Sun 18-Nov-12 23:18:58

chip well done on doing the outfit for your niece. I would have happily chosen something online for her if you thought you could trust my taste!!

white I think you just draw new parameters around your life. Some things you can do, some you realise are currently beyond you. It's not worth feeling bad or guilty - it just is. And then, maybe a little later on, you find that perhaps the harder things aren't quite so challenging any more - yet other challenges remain just as entrenched. All you can do is go with the flow, and do those little 'does this feel right?' checks every now and again.

I am looking forward to Christmas, or, perhaps more accurately - I would like to be feeling that way... whole family here, new baby, lots of excitement. But at the same time, I am not sure that I can allow myself the 'indulgence' of all these lovely things happening to me. sad

But I did find a beautiful little leaf stamp and an orange ink pad so I can add Mia into our Christmas cards. It was perfect. Love you, sweet girl.

chipmonkey Mon 19-Nov-12 00:09:41

Mias, I would totally trust your taste but I kind of feel bad about the little one. She has done nothing wrong, neither has SIL but through no fault of their own, dh and I find it very hard to socialise with them.
So I did want to choose the outfit. It is nice, designer-y. But not an outfit I would have chosen for our girl.

BTW, where did you get the leaf stamp and ink from? I want to get a pink rose stamp for Sylvie-Rose. I'm sure fioled linked to a place last year but I can't remember where.

expatinscotland Mon 19-Nov-12 00:49:05

I love you so much, Aillidh. chip is right, the dead don't come back.

You are so much missed.xx

shabbatheGreek Mon 19-Nov-12 09:39:09

Morning girls xx

Christmas is just another day.....just another day. I will be posting on here on Christmas morning just as I always have done over the years!

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