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For Anyone grieving for one of their parents,you will find support here.

(362 Posts)
mummylin2495 Wed 07-Nov-12 21:50:04

hope you all find this ok,the pages were just refusing to load up and messages taking so long.thats why i had a double post on other thread.

DreamsTurnToGoldDust Sat 08-Dec-12 11:42:12

ssd, it does get better believe me, you smile and its natural, you laugh and feel happy, I think the loss doesn't leave and there are times I still ache so badly for them, but, I can laugh about them now, the stories of their lives are being passed down to their grandchildren. I have genuinely happy times, but of course it jumps up and bites me sometimes but I've/I am learning how to deal with that. I want to pass on happy funny memories of hem to my husband and my children. My brothers and sisters feel the same.

My daughter, as I said, is now 18, I found a photo of her and my god she looks identical to my mum, that gives me so much pleasure! But then I feel sad that she can't remember them or that my husband and young son never knew them, but I try to bring them alive with stories of them.

It does get better, hold on in there, much love to you and others going through this xxx

mummylin2495 Sat 08-Dec-12 12:48:57

dreams what a terrible time you and your family must of gone through to lose both parents at the same time.I think that would of sent me over the brink.
crazycat Sorry about what you are having to cope with at the moment.Do come here if we can help you through it.
ssd I did have an inheritance from my mum but it is not a happy feeling ,i would give it all away if i could have just 5 more minutes with my mum.It does not help at all.The only thing is i have been able to help out my adult children a bit,which i know my mum would be happy about.You sound really down,but you have to believe that one day the pain wont be so raw or you will go mad with grief. It will get better for all of us at some point but its obvious from the sad tales on this thread that not many have reached that point yet.I myself cannot stop talking about her,i bring her into every conversation.She is constantly on my mind and in my heart,i also cannot bear the thought that i will always feel like this.But i do know from my sisters death that in time the awful sick feeling of our grief will subside.You will move on eventually ,we all have to for ourselves and for our families. xx

mummylin2495 Sat 08-Dec-12 13:11:17

To my Mum Mum i am now facing the second Xmas without you.You are constantly in my thoughts.Who knew that when i said to you " bye mum i will see you tomorrow" that tomorrow would never come for you.My life was shattered and i feel it will never be the same.You were such an important person to me and i miss our daily chat and cuppa so much.I miss your cakes you used to make us, and as yet i cannot find the recipe you used.But knowing how you kept everything ,i know it will be somewhere amongst your things { of which i have a lot of } Mum i hope you didnt suffer at all ,this is what haunts me, even now.I know it was quick and unexpected,but this made it worse for us all. I have tried to be strong and have failed miserably at times,even though you left us a letter which you hoped would comfort us all.Thankyou Mum for being so loving and for making me the person i am today.I will love and miss you always.We will meet again,from your loving daughter xxxxx R.I.P xx

maybeyoushouldrivesantassleigh Sat 08-Dec-12 14:42:50

mummylin that's beautiful. You said you are struggling to get the long threads to load - would you like to start a new thread and transfer your letter to your Mum so you know where to look?

ssd sorry you are struggling. Not offended about your talking about money - it's a very real and tangible gift from a parent that you feel you are missing. I don't know what to say that can help but all you are feeling is allowed and I'm glad you feel you can tell us, better out than in as they say! I hope 3013 is a better year financially for you and your dhs job is more secure...

mummylin2495 Sat 08-Dec-12 19:33:21

Thanks maybe ,have started a new thread here

crazykat Sat 08-Dec-12 21:37:42

dreams i know what you mean about being friends with your parents, my mum is my best friend, i can talk to her about anything and we speak on the phone every day and i know it will take me a long time to get used to not being ablt to do, i'm still getting used to not being able to call in to see my nan on the way back from school and it's over a year since i lost her.

maybe my parents street and mine form a t-junction and they live opposite the end of my street if that makes sense, we walk past on the way to DCs school and they love waving to her as we pass. it's nice that i'm able to call in every day to see her, even if it's only for a quick chat but it's bittersweet as it will be so hard to walk past several times a day knowing she's not there anymore. my nan lived with us from when i was very young and i still find myself thinking i'll call in to see her.

mummylin that's beautiful and so moving.

i worry for my dad, he is very much the steriotypical ex-soldier and keeps his feelings to himself but from the little he's said i get the impression he thinks the doctors were wrong and my mum will have a lot longer. while i obviously hope this is true i have to face facts and i can see how much weaker my mum is compared to just six months ago. he's never really lived alone, he left home at 15 and joined the army, then married my mum, he'll never admit it but he'll be devestated and i hope he'll let me help him.

ssd Sat 08-Dec-12 23:38:44

I'm glad I didnt offend anyone talking about money. Of course the money was the least of my troubles losing mum, but now its Xmas I'm just very aware my kids have no gifts now from any grandparents and I feel so bad for them, we cant make up for this, financially or emotionally. I know a few friends who lost their parents and sold the family home and the money gave them a bit of breathing space, I'm just aware we'll never have that, at least my kids'll have it some day.

mummylin, thats a lovely message to your mum, I'd like to post one but I dont know where to start


ssd Sun 09-Dec-12 10:19:21

everywhere I turn there is girls my age with families like mine , with their mums...its just everywhere.......last night the 4 of us went for something to eat, at the next table a couple with kids our age came in , followed by what looked like her mum and dad, god I just stared at them, must have looked rude.........then my ds's pals mum came to the door looking for her son, said we're going to celebrate his birthday today at my mums tonight.....then seen another pal at the local shop, with her mother, she said mums here to take care of me I have a cold..........then spoke to relative, her mum is going to see her in a play this week..........all these girls are my age, why do they still have their mums (and some their dads too) and I've got no one....its so bloody unfair.....I know there are worse things in life, I know that and I should be grateful for what I do have..........but a secret part of me is wishing the world would catch up with mine and some of my friends would know what its like having no parents instead of having their mums fit and healthy at their beck and call,my mum was frail and elderly and needed me to be her mum for the last 8-9 years, I feel I haven't had a mum for that long, instead of me always being the odd one out having no mum or dad any more whilst my friends still have the company/support etc having your fit and able parents gives you

don't think bad of me for saying that, it sounds like I mean bad, I don't, I just wish it just wasn't in my face continuously , I look at girls my age and older and all I think is why do you still have your mum and I don't, and it kills me

god I'm a moan these days, I need to pour it out hear as dh doesnt talk about it now

t875 Sun 09-Dec-12 13:49:15

I do know what you mean and it is very unfair it is very hard to think like it and like you i tell myself off but you just cant help how you feel ssd, it makes us bitter and angry and these are all very normal feelings.
((big hugs))

Mummylin - what you wrote to your mum was lovely, im sure she saw it and thought the same. I will do the same.

I am very behind on this thread so i apologise if i havent been able to be here as much as i would like have been. Sending love and support to all those that are going through hard times, my thoughts are with you all.

It was hard here for me, we got the tree out and the decs, cried when i saw all the special bits that reminded me of her but got through it, couldnt put the christmas music on but the tree looks nice and the girls helped! We done special things in relation to the christmas tree and decorations. I want to get a special tree decoration for our tree and for my dads..yes he is putting up the tree we are helping him, it wont be easy but he wants to do it for her.
im sure she was around us watching and smiling. Gotta trudge on eh xx

t875 Sun 09-Dec-12 14:15:19

cruse mentioned to me to about doing a page of all my mums favorite things, so i went on google and i have done a page. I have cupcakes, cats, {she loved them} kleeneze believe of not, loved a bargain, hehe essentials and prima we loved our magazines, i used to pass them onto her smile and when i read it now I read off whats inside and say "what do you think of that mum" I have a robin on there as i have seen a robin a lot in the garden over the time of her passing and on and off through the summer. Roast dinner she loved it oh and fish and chips! Theres perfume as she always smelt lovely, and there is pictures of accessories as she loved bangles, necklaces etc. crafts, knitting, Its nice to see it all on a piece of paper, im going to laminate it and again im sure she loved me doing it. and i had written on it said Mum always and forever with me xxx

ssd Sun 09-Dec-12 15:33:04

hi t875, doing a page is a good idea, I like that

I know it sounds daft, but this weekend I was out with my cousin (who is 72) and her daughter who is my age, who I get on well with.....we went to something that my cousin bought her daughter tickets to and when I offered her money for mine she accepted it and I could have not for a second do I expect her to pay for me but it just brought it home there's no mum to treat me now, my cousin often treats her daughter, that's normal, but it just reminded me mum will never treat me anymore, I'm on my own now...and in my family there was never anyone else who'd treat you apart from mum............sad

mummylin2495 Mon 10-Dec-12 10:28:09

Sorry to be a nuisance everyone but i am having trouble loading this page so there is a new thread here

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