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'What the caterpillar perceives is the end, to the butterfly is just the beginning.' Our journey after Beatrice

(856 Posts)
cupofteaplease Tue 06-Nov-12 21:05:40

Beatrice died on 24th October aged 1 year, 1 month, 1 week and 1 day. She was buried on 2nd November. As she starts her new life as a butterfly, we are left on the ground feeling bewildered and bereft. I read a short piece at her funeral, and I stand by it:

'I often felt that being Beatrice's mum was much like holding a butterfly. I was in awe of her beauty and felt so privileged that she had chosen to come to me. But, much like a butterfly, I knew that one day she would spread her wings and fly away.

When Beatrice was one day old, a kind stranger shared this poem with me, and it sums up how I feel about Beatrice:

"A butterfly lights besides us like a sunbeam. And for a brief moment its glory and beauty belongs to the world.
But then it flies once again, and though we wish it could have stayed, we feel so lucky to have seen it."

I feel so lucky to have been chosen as Beatrice's mum and I truly believe that the immense grief we must now suffer is still a small price to play for the love she brought into our lives.

Goodnight Beatrice'

I still feel her love in my heart, but I am struggling without her in my arms. I miss caring for her and kissing her. Looking at her and stroking her hair. Singing to her, always singing so many songs. I haven't sung a song since she died, but I don't want the music to leave my life as it means I have let the grief win.

Fly high little butterfly, but please don't forget all of us left behind who hold you, still so fragile, in our hearts and memories. Please don't forget me, Beatrice x

captainmummy Tue 06-Nov-12 21:07:34

Beautiful sentiments, cup.

Don't know what to say, but I really feel for you and your family.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Tue 06-Nov-12 21:09:25

Beatrice will never forget you. You played as an important role in her life as she played in yours. She will love you eternally.

PseudoBadger Tue 06-Nov-12 21:10:09

A truly brave and inspiring opening post. Thinking of you as always.

Everlong Tue 06-Nov-12 21:12:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IwishIwasmoreorganised Tue 06-Nov-12 21:12:22

Cup, your love shines through in your writing, so honest and eloquent.

I hope that the emptiness eases in time, and that song returns to your life.

TCOB Tue 06-Nov-12 21:13:12

We're here with you for this next part of the journey, Cup.

'Every noble life leaves the fibre of it interwoven for ever in the work of the world.'

Nobility doesn't come from how many years we spend on earth. Beatrice's small and mighty spirit is here forever x

Chubfuddler Tue 06-Nov-12 21:13:14

You are so brave cup. So very brave.

There's an inscription on a memorial stone in a church near us, the church where we got married. It's a memorial to the son of a local landowner who died in his teens some 200 years ago, and whenever I used to go to church there I couldn't look at it because I would start to cry. It's a long passage but I remember it ends "God saw his fitness for glory, and called him quickly home". I'm sure that must be true of Beatrice.

onedev Tue 06-Nov-12 21:16:29

Fly high indeed beautiful girl - so sorry for your loss.

cupofteaplease Tue 06-Nov-12 21:18:50

Chubfuddler I'd love to know the rest of that passage, it sounds very apt. smile

McPhee Tue 06-Nov-12 21:18:56

Beautiful x

Chubfuddler Tue 06-Nov-12 21:20:16

I will try and go to the church soon and I will write it down for you.

KnottyLocks Tue 06-Nov-12 21:23:01

Thinking of you so much x

cupofteaplease Tue 06-Nov-12 21:23:20

Thank you x

sassythebloodFIRSTy Tue 06-Nov-12 21:24:14

Lovely sentiments, cup, as always eloquently and poignantly expressed. It must be dreadfully hard for you xxx

SoldierKatnissEverdeen Tue 06-Nov-12 21:24:40

Beautiful post cup of tea.
What a positive way of thinking.
You come across as so strong in your grieving, wishing you lots more strength.

How lucky beautiful Beatrice was to have you as her mum.

DutchOma Tue 06-Nov-12 21:29:54

Love, like starlight, never dies

bishboschone Tue 06-Nov-12 21:35:26

Beautiful words cup.. As always x

GRW Tue 06-Nov-12 22:13:23

The name Beatrice means "Bringer of Joy" which seems very appropriate for your beautiful daughter. Thinking of you x

MNP Tue 06-Nov-12 22:22:04

Lovely Cup, a sparkling beautiful Butterfly.

PacificDogwood Tue 06-Nov-12 22:25:21

You grieve, yet you still have the strength of heart and mind to be grateful for her life and love. You are truly inspiring - what a beautiful post; sad and happy.
Be kind to yourself, too, and look after yourself. Or let others look after you at times x.

FourArms Tue 06-Nov-12 22:38:00

I'm so sorry to see this news, and your words about your beautiful butterfly were so touching that I am sat with tears pouring down my face.

I can't believe that it is really 13 months since you introduced us all to Beatrice and let us share a little of your life with her.

Best wishes to you all for these sad days xxx

Somersaults Tue 06-Nov-12 23:13:05

As always Cup, your love for your family shines through in your eloquent and touching writing.

Thinking of you and remembering you all in our prayers.

ExitPursuedByABrrrrrrr Tue 06-Nov-12 23:33:52

I never sang until I had my DD, and then I found my voice.

Still sing to her, she will be listening.

fraktion Wed 07-Nov-12 01:20:54

Thinking of you, sending love and light through the night.

You are so brave and Beatrice is so loved. That will never change.

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