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Remembering my son Oliver.

(109 Posts)
Everlong Tue 06-Nov-12 14:22:05

Four years today.

I don't know whether it's flown or not.

My lovely, kind, beautiful, funny boy. Who will always be 20 years old.

I don't think the date will ever pass easily. It's like you are transported right back. Horrible.

Always loved.

Everlong Thu 22-Nov-12 09:51:43

' just love ' is perfect smile

LittleMachine Wed 21-Nov-12 21:11:20

Keep typing and deleting as there are never the right words are there?
Just love.

Everlong Wed 21-Nov-12 20:13:11

Ah don't worry it's fine, just nice you remembered Oliver smile

LittleMachine Wed 21-Nov-12 19:44:01

And you (although I see a lot of you in chat!) This thread came up in my actives the other day and I bookmarked it so I'd remember to post. Sorry it's taken me so long to add to it. Loved reading about Oliver upthread. He sounds fabulous.

Everlong Wed 21-Nov-12 18:53:15

Hiya littlemachine lovely to see you xx

LittleMachine Wed 21-Nov-12 18:02:56

Thinking of you Everlong. Happy birthday for yesterday Oliver x

Everlong Wed 21-Nov-12 10:08:42

yani no please don't worry, it was lovely to talk about him smile

chip that's a beautiful thought, my Oliver looking after sweet little Sylvie-Rose. I love it. I hope all our children are together.

chipmonkey Tue 20-Nov-12 23:13:01

Happy Birthday, lovely Oliver!
Please be a big brother to my little girl too xx

yani Tue 20-Nov-12 22:17:51

Everlong - He sounds like a true gentleman, caring and wise.
I've not been able to login since this morning, but I have been thinking of you.
I was worried after I posted that by asking you about him may have been over whelming or caused you even more pain.
Thankyou for sharing a little about him, he is obviously cherished as a lovely lovely son x

Everlong Tue 20-Nov-12 19:28:09

sad he will you know. He was so so lovely to his younger brothers. Loved chucking them around and playing daft with them.

expatinscotland Tue 20-Nov-12 19:22:11

About to light A's candle for Oliver. Hey, you, look after my girlie till I get there. smile

Everlong Tue 20-Nov-12 19:10:20

' but my goodness he would have known he was loved ' That is what I hope more than anything. My worry. We did love him and always will, so much.

janey he had a look of Kelly Jones from stereophonics ( but without the bushy eyebrows ) just gorgeous.

janey68 Tue 20-Nov-12 18:56:27

Everlong- that's how I imagined Oliver! You had said before that he's a gentle intelligent boy but your physical description, dark hair and eyes is just the picture I had in my mind. How strange is that?!

Happy birthday for today too Oliver. Hope your day has been as peaceful and positive as it can be everlong

mignonette Tue 20-Nov-12 16:49:51

Oh Ever....He sounds a 'delicious' little fellow if my description doesn't sound weird...I am not going to say anything other than not fair not fair not fair. Because I do not know if any of us can offer a 'reason' or justify as to why life is so viciously cruel.

But my goodness he would have known how much he was loved. He would, he would.

All my love and sympathies to you and everyone bereaved posting here today.

MiaAlexandrasmummy Tue 20-Nov-12 16:31:13

Everlong, thank you so much for sharing these details about Oliver. He sounds amazing and gorgeous, beautiful on the inside as well as outside. No wonder you are so proud of him!!

It sounds like he and James will be having quite a party together, along with Matt and Gareth!!

Big hugs to a brave and wonderful mum, who is just as beautiful as her son. xx

Everlong Tue 20-Nov-12 16:24:45

I just love that migionette it sums it all up quite beautifully.
His life was too short but he gave so much in his time. A son that anyone would have been proud of. He was beautiful. Dark hair and eyes with lovely olive skin. He was only quite small too. But it was his inside stuff that was more beautiful.

A clever boy who did everything before he should have. ( still never quite sure where his brains came from! ) very good at drawing and art too. He was capable, inspiring and strong. He was the most loving and caring out of all my dc. Always there for me. People liked him and his family and friends loved him. He was there for everyone else. If only we had know how much he needed us sad but we never knew until it was all too late.
I see so much of him in ds4. Not in looks but his ways, this is such a comfort to me. They both share their mothers temper!

You're right chipping it is difficult to tell if it's been a long time or not. I sometimes feel like this hasn't, can't have happened. How can I still be breathing, eating and even laughing when Oliver died?

I think like all of the brave mothers on here we just get on with it. There isn't much choice.

michelle I feel so so much for you. Our beautiful boys who had so much to live for, who were similar in age and even had their birthdays a day apart.. I wish they were still here. Always here for you xx

Thank you for letting me talk about him thanks

JugglingWithPossibilities Tue 20-Nov-12 13:47:44

Much love to you too, Michelle x

Glad to hear you're going out for a bit Everlong - hope your afternoon is as good as it can be x See you when you get back !

Everlong Tue 20-Nov-12 12:38:12

I'm going to read all these gorgeous posts later on because I have to go out shopping and I have just put my mascara on and I don't want to look like Alice Cooper!

Thank you all so much for your support and love. It means so much.

mumof2teenboys Tue 20-Nov-12 12:32:37

Happy Birthday Oliver, sending love and thoughts to your lovely mum and family.
If you happen to see James wherever you are, raise a glass with him, it was his birthday yesterday.

Michelle x

ChippingInLovesAutumn Tue 20-Nov-12 12:21:19

Everlong - sorry I missed your thread when you first posted it. I don't know how I did when I spend far too much time on MN?!

It's no wonder November is a hard month for you. Oliver should be here, he should be at his brothers drum final in Feb.

I can't believe it has been 4 years. Bereavement does weird things to time though doesn't it - in one way it feels like such a long time ago that you last saw them, hugged them, told them that you loved them and in other ways it feels like yesterday - the grief certainly does when you let yourself feel it.

Pretending you are OK, not letting anyone see what's really going on, all seems perfectly normal to me. It's probably not the best way to deal with it, but it's how many do.

I think what expat's friend said is spot on You're dodging along, then something happens, could be totally random, and you realise that underneath, nothing has changed

Crying with you - it's shit isn't it sad

Big Hugs my love - and for everyone else on here who is hurting.

mignonette Tue 20-Nov-12 12:04:12

The author Susan Hill had this poem and part of it as an inscription on the gravestone of her daughter Imogen who was born prematurely and died a few weeks afterwards.

Here is the whole poem in honour of Oliver -

"IT is not growing like a tree
In bulk, doth make man better be;
Or standing long an oak, three hundred year,
To fall a log at last, dry, bald, and sere:
A lily of a day
Is fairer far in May,
Although it fall and die that night;
It was the plant and flower of light.
In small proportions we just beauties see;
And in short measures, life may perfect be"

JugglingWithPossibilities Tue 20-Nov-12 12:01:34

I'm glad you do have times to talk about Oliver everlong - your family sound lovely.
Those words from Ben Jonson are so beautiful, they make me cry too x

mignonette Tue 20-Nov-12 12:00:06

Of course you cope any way you can. We are all here for you......

yani Tue 20-Nov-12 11:58:27

It's ok to cry. It really is.

Would you like to talk about him today?

Although I'm sat here with a lump in my throat after reading all the lovely posts

Tell us about your lad, Everlong.

Everlong Tue 20-Nov-12 11:49:18

You are right, absolutely. It is just a weird defence mechanism I have. Don't let anyone see what's going on, keep a brave face on. Totally stupid I know. I do cry when I'm alone but never in front of anyone, well certainly not about Oliver.

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