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My Mum has just died!

(43 Posts)
GhoulwiththeFrothyCurl Fri 02-Nov-12 20:02:40

Nothing else to say really, just that.

BCBG Fri 02-Nov-12 20:23:39

Ghoul I have been there too, its not that she didn't want you, it's more that she knew you didn't need her - and God knows I've talked to thin air and said 'you silly bat, of course I needed you, I will always need you', but I think sometimes people know when they have reached the end of what they want, and it is their choice, I suppose. It's not a reflection on their love for those who stay behind. In an odd way I admire you Mum for knowing what she wanted and I think you can probably take comfort one day from knowing that it must have been a conscious choice and therefore what she wanted. I am so sorry for your loss though, and go easy, because it is a very tough thing to process, whatever the circumstances. Hugs.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Fri 02-Nov-12 20:24:22

Oh love - no matter how old we are, we are still like children when we lose a parent, it's devastating beyond what you can possibly imagine until you have been through it. Doubly hard when she wasn't ill & it was largely her choice - very very hard my love. I'm glad you are feeling close to your siblings, I hope it lasts x

Tuttutitlookslikerain Fri 02-Nov-12 20:25:49

I'm so sorry Ghoulsad

Wishing you love and strengthxxx

GhoulwiththeFrothyCurl Fri 02-Nov-12 20:28:58

The irony is that I am very, very ill myself. Far more than she ever was! I will have to try to make sure that this doesn't affect my own illness too much as I react badly to stress. My own DSs and DH need me functioning. Thanks to you all again x

QOD Fri 02-Nov-12 20:30:17

I'm sorry x

Maryz Fri 02-Nov-12 20:31:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GhoulwiththeFrothyCurl Fri 02-Nov-12 20:34:18

Yes, Maryz, that does make a lot of sense, thanks. Now I have to think how I am going to tell elder DS, who has ASD. He adored his Gran. How do we avoid a meltdown?

Maryz Fri 02-Nov-12 20:41:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Titsalinabumsquash Fri 02-Nov-12 20:49:57

I lost my Mum 2 years ago, I was 24 she was about to be 50, the overwhelming feeling I had apart from sadness was anger that she'd gone and left me and my sisters, it does get easier. I still miss her with a physical pain in my chest/stomach and I'm forever cursing her for not being here when I need her. I feel childlike and like stamping my feet at times because damn it, she was my Mum, she was meant to look after me, but she did, she raised me to be who I am, to be close to my siblings and to be the woman/mother/partner/sister/aunt and friend I am and that was her bit done, she was tired and couldn't win the final fight she had, she didn't have to have the operation but she chose to because had it been a success she would have improved her life a million percent, but it wasn't to be and I understand that.

Look after yourself, take comfort in your siblings and the memories you hold of you Mum, laugh and smile and cry and get angry, keep her close and take time.

GhoulwiththeFrothyCurl Fri 02-Nov-12 21:30:26

Titsalinabumsquash, I'm sorry you didn't have your Mum for a longer time. I can at least be happy that I had mine for 55 years. I know I have been very fortunate with that.

Maryz, I think you are right. We won't be able to avoid a meltdown. But I expect to be stunned at some point in the next few weeks at some comment from his autistic side. To other people it will probably sound callous, but we will smile at each other about it. He loves his family, but relates them to himself. He will find it hard to really understand how I feel about losing my Mum.

Thanks again to everyone for taking the time to post.

t875 Fri 02-Nov-12 23:10:51

Ghoul {{{{}}}} so very sorry to hear about your loss of your mum. I know what you are going through, i lost my mum 6 months ago suddenly to a massive stroke, was very hard and still is at times. We have a thread here anyone lost a parent, or something like that im sorry i cant remember and cant check. Such a supportive group and lovely kind understanding ladies as all are on this bereavement thread. On the group we are all at different stages.

Take care and do whats best for you and your family, once again so very sorry.
Thinking of you xx

SanctuaryMoon Fri 02-Nov-12 23:21:29

I'm so sorry, I feel sad for you and your family, and for your Mum. She may have felt some sense of comfort from being able to control things in some small way. I don't know. I feel for you.

missymoomoomee Sat 03-Nov-12 12:19:59

How are you today Ghoul did you get much sleep xx

GhoulwiththeFrothyCurl Sat 03-Nov-12 16:54:03

Yes, thanks. I actually slept quite well. Probably as I am no longer stressed out with worrying about her! Or because I feel a bit numb. Told younger DS today - had to ring him as he is away from home. He took it fine and was more concerned about how I am feeling. Will tell older DS tomorrow, when he has had a good night tonight.

Again, many thanks to all who have posted.

missymoomoomee Sat 03-Nov-12 20:38:31

I'm glad you had a good sleep and managed to tell your DS, I hope all goes well when you tell your other DS tomorrow.

missymoomoomee Sat 03-Nov-12 20:39:20

Sorry I shouldn't have said well, I didn't mean to sound insensitive, I mean as well as it can go sad xx

GurlwiththeFrothyCurl Sat 03-Nov-12 21:49:43

It's OK, I know what you mean smile He is home now, but I don't want to tell him tonight. Will wait until tomorrow morning.

So sorry, thinking of you. I have lost my mum too, it's awful.

Massive hugs to you x

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