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My Husband's Suicide

(14 Posts)
javeadi Wed 24-Oct-12 11:58:52

I lost my husband to suicide when he was 44. I was 34 and had two children one was two weeks off her 8th birthday and my some was just 18. You cannot imagine the pain that continued for many years.

Shellywelly1973 Wed 24-Oct-12 12:05:54

I wanted to reply&offer my empathy.
My Step Father committed suicide 20 years ago. I was 18. Sister 16& brother 14 Our family has never been the same.

Its so difficult to move on...

Everlong Wed 24-Oct-12 14:46:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blondeshavemorefun Sat 03-Nov-12 22:26:35

my darling husband committed suicide 16th april 2011, so just over 18mths ago

you are right about the pain, but counselling/friends and time do help x

Anskabel Mon 05-Nov-12 23:07:02

My DP committed suicide in Feb 2004 (the date was never confirmed, they reckoned he'd been dead around 10 days when they found him)

The first year especially was horrendous. A lot of people shied away from me because they thought that talking about it would make things worse for me. In actual fact, talking about it was my catharsis.

Brick by brick I built a new life - I moved cities, changed careers, made a new home, eventually was able to open my heart to love again...but I'm well aware that all this would have been 100 times more difficult had we had children together.

I still think about what happened every day. It will never go away, but it does get easier, I promise x

Brownhairbrowneyes Sun 18-Nov-12 17:49:12

My mum committed suicide last year, the anniversary of her passing is coming up and I am really not coping, my heart feels black and I'm constantly missing her voice, I feel teary and take it out on my partner even though its obviously not his fault, I just feel so angry as ill never know why she left us x

mignonette Sun 18-Nov-12 17:51:55

I work as a RMN. I just wanted to say that I often think about the (thankfully few) patients who unfortunately go on to commit suicide.

Your loved ones are nor forgotten.

GRW Sun 18-Nov-12 18:16:27

I'm sorry about all the loved ones on this thread. My sister took her own life 14 years ago, and it is easier now but I know what you mean about how hard it is to come to terms with not having answers.
Remember your Mum did what she did because her state of mind made her think it was the right thing to do, and not because she didn't love you. It's normal to feel angry. Have you had any counselling at all?
Take care and I hope the anniversary isn't as hard as you expect x

Brownhairbrowneyes Sun 18-Nov-12 19:07:13

Thank you that's helpful, Iam looking into counselling but I just hate talking about it and getting upset. But I will have to I guess.

Dillydollydaydream Sat 24-Nov-12 15:03:00

So sorry to hear about your losses. My df commited suicude 11 years ago now, I was only 19 when he died so all my adult life he hasn't been here to see me get married or have children.
It is a very hard thing to come to terms with, thinking of you all x

FrozenYogurt Mon 26-Nov-12 22:00:26

My best friend's father committed suicide today. I have no words. What do I say to her? How can I comfort her? I want to help her but am so far away, we live across the country from each other. Did anyone say or do anything that helped you all through your terrible losses? Any advice would be truly appreciated.

lurkerspeaks Tue 27-Nov-12 22:48:05

My close friend committed suicide when i was at University. A more distant relation did so 4 weeks ago.

My advice would be to let your friend rant and rave. Be there to do small practical things - cook her food, cover her childcare if she needs it and please, please tell her, it is normal to be angry.

When she is a bit more together tell her there are suppprt groups especially for those who have been bereaved by suicide.

However, the most important thing you can do is be there.

FrozenYogurt Wed 28-Nov-12 09:17:14

Thank you, Lurker.

Pyrrah Thu 29-Nov-12 21:11:10

My ex-boyfriend who I had lived with for 7 years hanged himself a few months after I left him. That was 15 years ago and despite being married to a wonderful man (who is the love of my life) there is not a day goes by when I don't think about him.

It took me about 3 years to start to get over it. Time really does help.

FrozenYoghurt - I would just be there for her to talk to. Be prepared that there will be various stages of grief and some won't be pretty. When someone kills themselves, people don't just say how sad it was that they were obviously so unhappy.

I know that there were times I was shocked just how deeply I hated him for what he had done to me, his mother and the rest of his friends and family.

Some of my family decided that it 'wasn't nice' and refused to mention his name again. We had shared 7 years of our lives at a young age and it was impossible for me not to mention him. It was doubly hard having the awkward silences.

The first few weeks are the worst - I couldn't sleep and finally ended up taking benzos just so my mind could shut down for a few hours. And then things get bad again later on when the initial sympathy from people has worn off and you are expected to be back to normal and moving on.

My heart goes out to everyone who loses someone this way. It is one of the worst ways to lose someone in my opinion. I know how I felt - and this was a man I had just left, not a parent, not a husband, not someone I had children with, and above all not my child. I cannot begin to fathom how a parent must feel in this situation - it is one of my greatest fears.

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