wish I could have been happier for friend who has just announced her pregnancy.

(11 Posts)
cupcakes Tue 28-Mar-06 10:44:26

I don't know her very well but she has a child in ds's year and lives up the road from me so we sometimes walk to school together. She told me this morning that she is pg and due in October (I was due in Sept but miscarried 3 weeks ago - she didn't know this). I congratulated her but then left it less than a minute (or so it seemed) before I told her that I'd just miscarried. I feel such a bitch. My whole head was screaming 'keep smiling! don't tell her!'. But I did. Feel awful for making it about my loss rather than her happiness.
I apologised afterwards and she was very nice about it but feel rotton now. I feel rubbish for not behaving better to her and I feel rubbish because I know that everytime I see her and her pregnancy (and then baby) I'm going to be thinking about mine.
And it's sad as well because I didn't think I was going to know anyone having another child and I was going to have to start again at babygroups and suchlike. She is really lovely and it would have been so nice to have our babies together.

OP’s posts: |
SoupDragon Tue 28-Mar-06 11:17:58

Don't feel bad about it. I'm sure she understands.

bossykate Tue 28-Mar-06 11:22:57

so sorry you lost your baby

never mind about this morning, what's done is done. she will have more to think about than your reaction anyway!

you will have plenty of opportunities to nail on your smile and wish her well in future.

have you thought about when/if you will ttc again? if you decide to ttc again quite soon, you may well be having babies quite close together anyway.

hth and good luck.

milward Tue 28-Mar-06 11:24:39

sad for your loss cupcakes.

when I had my miscarriage - all my friends got preg plus my sil. Preg mums were everywhere. Be kind to yourself xxx

katyp Tue 28-Mar-06 11:30:38

I think you were right to tell her - otherwise she might have said something in the future, not knowing about your miscarriage, which would be upsetting to you. I'm sure she would be horrified to "put her foot in it" by saying the wrong thing.

I had fertility problems a few years ago and when my best friend told me she was pregnant I found it really hard to be properly happy for her and still worry that she noticed my reaction wasn't what it should be. On the other hand, I found it really hard to tell another friend that I was pregnant (when I eventually fell) because she had just had a miscarriage.

Your reactions are perfectly normal so please don't feel bad. Fingers crossed that you get pregnant again soon (if that's what you want....) - you may still have a baby close in age to hers.

bundle Tue 28-Mar-06 11:33:07

imo it's best to tell these things early rather than later because then things get chance to brew..

LucyJu Tue 28-Mar-06 11:42:45

So sorry to hear about your m/c.

Don't worry so much about your friend. She's probably feeling bad about putting her foot in it, but I'm sure she's also counting her blessings.

Hausfrau Tue 28-Mar-06 11:48:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Clary Tue 28-Mar-06 12:19:45

cupcakes I am sosorry for your loss.
I had a good friend who lost a baby quite late on (30 weeks) and when she rang me up to tell me, I had not long found out I was pg with ds2.
The next time I saw her face to face I obv had to tell her about being pg and was worried, but she was fine about it and really nice.
The happy ending to this story is that, just after ds2 was born, said friend was saying, well, you’re doing well with yr pg weight, better than me (this was about 6mo after her stillbirth) - turned out she herself was pg and her lovely ds was born later that year . He and ds2 are great pals. Hope you get a happy result too.

cupcakes Tue 28-Mar-06 13:05:58

Thanks for all your messages. The weird thing about my reaction (well, probably not that weird) is that is had made me realise I want to get pg now. We had made a 'sensible' decision to wait till the summer (and get building work out of the way) but I don't think I want to put it off any longer.
But this may be hasty. On Friday I was telling dh how happy I am with 2 children and maybe we wouldn't try again. At least I've still been taking folic acid.

OP’s posts: |
mootoo Tue 28-Mar-06 13:53:40

Oh cupcakes i so know how you feel - a couple of days after my d&c i guessed that one of my closest friends was pregnant - i really wanted to be happy for her as she had been trying for ages, but i just felt like the knife had been twisted again. Now a couple of weeks on it is getting easier - and she has been really supportive as well.
I never "wanted" to be pregnant - it was planned, but more a wait and see, as i thought i was knocking on a bit! But now, i sooo want to be pregnant - i almost feel like my life i son hold till i get pregnant again. Once i have had my period me and dh will be at it like bunnies!

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