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Ds friend (10) died suddenly on Friday.....

(11 Posts)
blushingm Mon 01-Oct-12 16:30:54

She'd had a tummy bug and wasn't feeling well. The dr sent her home where she collapsed and died.
I don't know how or why - they have to do a pm. Ds is v quiet and I don't know whether I should leave him to process it or do I keep talking about it? They go to a small school with 1 class per year so the whole class is v close. Ds is off at the moment as he had an accident on his bike so he's not seeing his class friends in school sad
I was just after some advice thank you

thekingfisher Mon 01-Oct-12 16:34:03

Have you contacted the school as they may very well be organising some things/counselling support which the children will be participating in - it could be really good for him to be involved in that depending on how poorly he is...

How terribly awful....

blushingm Mon 01-Oct-12 16:43:12

School sent a note home just confirming the news and that psychologists were in school today and will be back on Thursday but ds will still be off school then

It's so tragic - she was such a heathy lively girl........sad

StuckInTheFensAwayFromHome Mon 01-Oct-12 16:44:47

We had a close friend die overnight at 15 - was incredibly odd time for us. What I do remember was that a small group 4 of us that were close to Louise had a few days off work, but we spent those days together. We did 'normal' stuff as if it was just a weekend day and didn't try to 'force' any conversation, it was just comforting to be together, watch some tv and play pool.
I think you have to probably take the cues from your son, but I'd recommend letting him have time out, and if he can have that time with other friends to just 'quietly' be there for each other.
We did eventually start talking and working through our feelings, but it was much later than the rest of the school. We were 'quiet' types and although we were the closest friends, we kind of bonded and opened up more after the school service. Lots of people had been 'showy' with their grief, even the girls that had bullied Louise and we ended up being sidelined with regard to what memorial to do for Louise.
Given that your son is younger than we were, it probably is worth doing gentle prompts to find out how he's feeling and what he'd like to do.

Adviceinscotland Mon 01-Oct-12 16:45:45

Oh god, how terrible. Her poor family and friends sad

No advice sorry, just make sure he knows he can talk to you anytime.

NatashaBee Mon 01-Oct-12 16:59:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

timewastingonhere Mon 01-Oct-12 17:02:59

This organisation is excellent and hope it gives you some ideas of how to support your son

I think one of the most important things is for your son to feel he can ask you anything, so using a special note book or a special box that he can write anything down in, with unexpected death often children have an irrational fear it may happen to them or you, especially with the tummy ache being a symptom, so it's best to deal with this as direct as your child will cope with such as ' child x did nt die from tummy ache...'

There are many good books that tackle bereavement, 'Badgers parting gifts' is a good one and it's based on what badger left behind.

Encouraging your son to write a letter to his class friend is a good idea and other rituals as time passes such as releasing a helium ballon, planting a tree or similar symbolic acts are lovely for children to do.

I hope this makes sense, i cant re read thanks to the iphone, but Thinking of you...��

Sparklingbrook Mon 01-Oct-12 17:08:13

I am so sorry to hear that blushingm. I have a 10 year old DS and couldn't imagine trying to explain it to him. <hugs>

blushingm Mon 01-Oct-12 17:57:30

Thank you for you lovely suggestions. I think I will give him a small notebook incase he wants to ask anything but can say the words out loud iykwim - that was a great suggestion

I might pop to see the class teacher when I pick his sister up in the afternoon

ohmeohmy Mon 01-Oct-12 22:10:40

Google winstons wish... Lots of good advice

zeno Tue 02-Oct-12 03:09:32

Winston's Wish are brilliant at helping carers support bereaved children. Do get in touch with them. Their website and helpline are both wonderful, and they have resources for various age groups, many of them free.

Also if you would like support with how to help the family, google "care for the family" tips sheet for how to support bereaved parents. Print it out and give copies to other friends if you can. Can't do a link from here but it will be linked in previous posts of mine if you can't track it down.

Our healthy robust dd died suddenly aged 4 following tummy bug symptoms. She had acute viral myocarditis - a complication of a virus. It is very rare and little talked about. If you think the family would welcome contact, now or later, from someone who has been in similar shoes please get in touch by pm.

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