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"You Light The Skies Up Above Me, A Star So Bright You Blind Me" Remembering all our precious children.

(1000 Posts)
fioled Sat 25-Aug-12 11:45:08

For my beautiful baby Anabelle Violet, loved and missed to the moon and back, always xxx How hard we wish that you were here baby girl.

Twinkle twinkle little star,
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky.

For all our babies and children, big and small xx

Tamisara Sun 26-Aug-12 23:35:02

alyak We didn't have one for Tamsin... I just couldn't bear it. They still did the placenta histiology, and bloods etc.

I know that the placenta & other test results are through at the 6 week consultant follow-up, but I believe the postmortem results take longer.

As well as the 6 week check-up with the GP, you really should have been offered an appointment with an obstetrician, to go over what happened, possible reasons, and to make preliminary arrangements for future pregnancies.

I would phone the GP & make an appointment to see them (the GP). As you've had a period I imagine that the uterus has contracted, but it's best to check anyway (it doesn't involve any poking around down there at all), the GP may not even need to check, but they do need to see you, and have a debrief.

Whilst at the GPs I would demand an appointment with your consultant at the hospital... I'm astonished you haven't been offered one already.

Don't worry about the address, as long as you have given it to them, it should be fine, but it's another thing you can check with your GP, who can contact the hospital and ensure they have your new address on file.

They shouldn't let you know the results of the PM by letter - they should invite you in, so that you can ask questions.

You sound so brave, I hope you are OK (as OK as you can be) xx

chipmonkey Sun 26-Aug-12 23:35:15

aylak, we had to wait four months for Sylvie-Rose's post mortem but I'm in Ireland and in some areas here it takes far too long. But that was also because it was a coroner's post-mortem as her death was unexpected.
I would go for that check up tbh, if I were you. It's likely that everything's fine but best to be sure. I didn't have mine till 3 months after but that was because she was in NICU and then died. My bereavement counsellor ended up organising it.

alyak2011 Sun 26-Aug-12 23:42:46

i myself was born at 24 weeks and im healthy smile i initially phone my midwife on the 10th (when dan died) as i was having pain which i thought was constipation/trapped wind, i was told to take paracetamol and if this didnt work to go to my nearest walk in. i did this and they looked at me in complete shock and said NO u shouldnt be here we dont have the facilitys your in labour. i was then sent to another hospital via ambulance. i was 9cm dialated and my waters hadnt broken but was holding me open,3 hours later they burst and all the pain i was experiencing went. to the point where i felt perfectl fine and they checked again and i was back to 3cm dialated. i was then transferred to a third hospital, they done scans ad at 3:30 am dan had a strong heartbeat. as 4:30am there was nothing. i waiting a firther 7 hours until i gave birth. it pains meknowing he was dead inside me for so long and they knew and did nothing.

i was told they could have given me an injection to help dans lungs but that was as far as it got because i got nothing!! i was then discharged an hour after birth

im so eager to find answers yet i no this may not always be possible sad i had a previous miscarriage6 months before falling pregnant then this happened sad

alyak2011 Sun 26-Aug-12 23:46:46

after 2 ambulances - 3 hospitals - 8 internals and 4 scans i dont want to be poked,touched or have anyone go downthere for anything tbh! and this may sound foolish but if a gp suggested an internal for any reason i would point blank say NO

Charleymouse Sun 26-Aug-12 23:48:01

Lovely thread title Fioled.

With love remembering my darling identical twin boy Benjamin.

Things get easier and harder as time goes on. It gets easier to think of you without sobbing my darling boy But it is harder to explain to my other children why you are not here, especially to your twin brother. I feel they have been robbed of their innocence and I have been robbed of my role as the invincible parent who can sort out any problem. How can you trust me when I say don't worry Mummy will sort it out.

Nice to see familiar faces and not so nice (in the nicest possible way) to see new faces. Welcome to all and hello to those of you I have already met.

WTW hope yesterday was bearable and you got through okay.

Much love

chipmonkey Sun 26-Aug-12 23:54:40

Hi Charleymouse!

chipmonkey Sun 26-Aug-12 23:58:24

aylak, after Sylvie-Rose was born, the number of people who told me about a baby they knew who was born at 28 weeks and was now studying medicine or suchlike was amazing. And the night before she died, she was so bright, sitting up in my arms and looking around her. and the next morning she died and no-one can really tell me why.
I wanted the PM to give me answers but really I got none.

alyak2011 Mon 27-Aug-12 00:07:38

im sorry for your loss chip sad ididnt have any time living with dan....i just really wish i would have got to know the colour of his eyes sad

lavandes Mon 27-Aug-12 00:09:10

No it was a PM result from the Coroner. Our son died as the result of a tragic accident he was 34. I don't know what happens with a baby or young child it just seemed a long time xx

alyak2011 Mon 27-Aug-12 00:16:50

ohh ok lav blush sorry for the mix up

lavandes Mon 27-Aug-12 00:32:19

No don't be sorry, would have liked to help xx

alyak2011 Mon 27-Aug-12 00:40:03

im going to bed now ladies! thank you for the chat smile ill pop in again in afew days ad see how everyone is getting on smile

MrsY Mon 27-Aug-12 18:21:20

Hope everyone has enjoyed a nice BHM?

We didn't have a PM, but I understand they can take a few months. I'm sure they will call you in to discuss the findings. I really would chase up a follow up consultant appointment, alyak, quite a few things came up at mine, including going for more tests. xxx

twinklesunshine Mon 27-Aug-12 18:27:28

I am just over 5 months out and no pm results yet, death certificate says unascertained. We keep phoning to check and be told that the report will be with us within 2 weeks…..nothing. xxxxx

Bluetinkerbell Mon 27-Aug-12 18:37:07

We had a post mortem done for Sterre. We were told we would get the results after 6 weeks at our consultants appointment. We did have to phone up as the letter with the date had gone missing in the post.
Lucky for us we did get some answers.
Not sure whether they would just send the results though... I would rather have someone explaining them than to just receive them in the post...

expatinscotland Mon 27-Aug-12 19:00:11

A PM was not necessary for Aillidh as her cause of death was very obvious sad

chipmonkey Mon 27-Aug-12 19:27:21

expat sad knowing means there's no waiting to find out but it doesn't make it any better.
I was afraid we would be told it was our fault. I still wonder if it was, tbh.

twinklesunshine Mon 27-Aug-12 19:39:29

Chip, correct me if I am wrong, but Sylvie-Rose died of SIDS didn't she? I think that is what happened to my little man too. It wasn't our fault. After he died we had to be interviewed by the police at the hospital, and were not allowed into the house until the police had been in to check his bedroom. I overheard them asking my husband about the temp of the room, if the windows were open, did he have a duvet and pillow etc. I still think its my fault, but rationally I know its not, SIDS is known for having no exact cause or reason, there is nothing you could have done about it. The ambulance man said to me that I could have sat in his room all night and watched it happen and still not be able to save him, and once a child stops breathing it is always hard to get them back, because it was so quick.

I understand that the PM may not give me any results either, and its so hard isn't it. I just don't understand how there can not be a 'reason'.

Lots of love xxx

chipmonkey Mon 27-Aug-12 19:53:52

twinkle, you are right, of course but even though right from the start the hospital staff were very quick to say "You didn't do anything wrong" I always wonder. What kills me is that she was in hospital for 6 weeks and 3 days. The fourth day after she came home she died. So I do wonder if it was something about our home, maybe we're not as hygienic as the hospital ( in fact, we're definitely not as hygienic as the hospital!) if I'd watched her more.....
None of it's logical at all but I do sometimes wonder why my baby died when other people's don't.
The neonatologist who gave us the PM results told us we were just unlucky and as you said, if they stop breathing there's not much you can do and that it occasionally happens in hospital too.

I am reading a book at the moment which is getting the better of me.
It's called " Quantum Physics, Near Death Experiences, Eternal Consciousness, Religion, and the Human Soul"
So far it's just been quantum physics. And there are all these equations! And Planck's constant and the Heisenberg uncertainly principle, and Special Relativity.

Just a bit of light reading!grin

expatinscotland Mon 27-Aug-12 20:10:40

I think most of us are plagued by 'what ifs'. I know I am.

expatinscotland Mon 27-Aug-12 20:14:02

Some of my parents mates from Schehallion saw and spoke with the family of this girl today at Yorkhill, shortly before she, too, died sad:

twinklesunshine Mon 27-Aug-12 20:16:17

God, my brain hurts just reading your description of the book! Very light reading. I am better with autobiographies!

Maybe, if she had died in hospital, you would feel the same but just in reverse, why didn't you take her home etc, and blame yourself that way (not that I am in any way saying you should) - I think mummies just do it to themselves regardless of the situation. I am glad it happened at home for us, the boys regularly stay with their grandparents and I think if it had happened there I would feel even worse.

I also struggle with why him. He is classed as a sudden unexpected death in childhood as he was over 1, and I googled it, and that happens to 1 in 100,000 children. It makes me so angry.

Sometimes I can't actually believe it. I had my first dream last night where he wasn't with us and I just had 2 children, so sad that this has become or lives hey.


expatinscotland Mon 27-Aug-12 20:30:53

Oh, twinkle! We have just 2 children now, too.

Firsttobed Mon 27-Aug-12 20:38:36

For my beautiful baby boy who should be here with us now. Four months on, feels like an eternity and just yesterday. Xxx

twinklesunshine Mon 27-Aug-12 20:43:53

So sorry Expat, have been following beautiful Aillidh on here and facebook. I hate it. I have lost the middle one, and I know its not important in the grand scheme of things, but I am obsessed with the age gap, one of the worst things for me, which sounds so petty. I made sure that they were close in age so that they would always have someone at school etc and its all ruined. I hate people looking at us and not knowing that there is a spot where someone else should be. How are you holding up at the moment? xxxx

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