Anniversary of brothers death (diagnosed with osteosarcoma at 14)

[ratflavouredjelly]

It's the day my little brother died today - 6 years ago - aged 16. He would be 22 now. How can it be that children and teenagers have to suffer cancer?

Feel like there is an open gash in my chest tonight. Feels more painful than ever tonight.

Just needed to Say that...

[Flossiechops]

So sorry it's so utterly cruel and unfair, it makes no sense. Thinking of you x

[expatinscotland]

Oh, rat. I'm really sorry.

My daughter died from acute myeloid leukaemia 6 weeks and 2 days ago.

She was 9.

I'm hoping to live to see her younger and brother reach adulthood, but beyond that, I'm not really interested in living, tbh.

[QOD]

I'm sorry you guys. Its so shit.

My mother in law died Saturday, she was tortured by mental health issues, dementia etc, her death was a release and a relief.
The same day I attended my cousins wedding and raised a glass to my late uncle WHO SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE!
Tomorrow my amazing wonderful friend has to have a d & c after her final and 5th attempt at IVF. It was initially a success but the foetus stopped developing.

So bloody harsh this life.

Expat your DD was so special, and your brother rat. Why do people have to suffer so?

[expatinscotland]

I know how it feels, rat. I know, though we will go on as long as we are given, I won't ever be alive again.

[MattDamonIsMyLover]

So sorry you don't have your little brother here, rat.

Expat - you'll keep going for your little ones. I hope one day you'll start feeling the pain of not having your older daughter here a little less.

[expatinscotland]

It doesn't go away, Matt. Or lessen. I know that know from every single parent of a child who has died.

You just sort of carry on through space.

Rat, I'm so sorry for your loss.

[DarrellRivers]

expat x
and to your brother rat x

[MattDamonIsMyLover]

Expat - it's horrendous and nothing can make it any easier just now.

[ratflavouredjelly]

All you lovely lovely people. Thankyou for picking me up (metaphorically) off the floor. Expat - I'm so sorry you lost your daughter. So recent & so raw. You know - my mum has the same sentiments as you. She says she aches every day for her son (my brother). I can't imagine the pain as a parent - its not the natural order of things to have to lose & bury your own child. (Sorry if that sounds too blunt - I still can't get to grips with the fact that precious children have to load their lives).

Expat - my mum also says the pain doesn't lessen. Although she says excercise has helped her (going running etc/headspace) and wine.

What makes it worse is we all had a terrible fallout & although we have made up now, I was the only member of my family not there by his bed when he died. Stupid family arguments. Wish I could turn back time. That (to quote Suzanne Vega) " cuts me inside like a secret burning thread"

[expatinscotland]

It's okay, rat, I have regrets, too. Big ones. As deep as you do.

No, I know it doesn't lessen - any parent who has lost a child can and will tell you this. It's a life sentence of loss and grief.

It's okay to talk about it, rat, and I'm glad you found a place where you can do this and feel supported.xx

[ratflavouredjelly]

BelgianBun - well Aidan loved life. Here is a quote from him whilst he was receiving chemo (aged 15)
" Remember to live each day to the full. Do what you love whenever you want. Do it as much as you can because one day, you might not be able to"

He loved mountain biking you see (daredevil stunts etc!) and when he couldn't walk properly he wrote that quote. :-)

My little ones are only 3 & 5, bright eyed and full of life. All anyone wants is for their kids to have a happy, healthy life. Expat - again, my heart goes out to you.. Grief can be all encompassing can't it? I hope you have support from your partner/family/friends xxx

P.S. I got the Vega quote muddled its: "I have swallowed a secret burning thread. It cuts me inside and often I have bled..."
I often think it's a good description of grief at its most intense. :-(