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Bereavement

My birth story! homebirth resulting in crash c-section. Please bear with me, it's the first time I'll recollected everything and put it all together x (warning: potentially distressing)

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himynameisfred · 17/08/2012 14:59

I gave birth to my beautiful daughter Angel, in June, and thought I would share my experience.
Perfectly healthy pregnancy.
At 37 weeks we discovered Angel was breech, and I was told I would need to decide between an ECV (the doctor turning the baby with his hands) or a C-section.
I had a homebirth planned and was told if an ECV was successful we could still go ahead with that.
ECV has a very very small chance of causing placental abruption (0000.0001% or something) but we were told should that happen they would know while monitoring me post procedure and then do a crash section if need be.
The ECV was successful and I was very happy, no complication apparent.

At 39+6 I went into labour at around 10pm, very mild pains.
Around 2am things were hotting up a bit so I called the hospital.
Two lovely midwives came and sat with me in my living room, I had scented candles, soft music.. and having had a homebirth before was very confident that I was going to get through it just fine :)
I seperated from my partner during pregnancy so it was just me and the midwives with my two boys upstairs in bed.

At about 5am they offered to examine me as things were going very slow and my labour didn't seem to be progressing much.
I was 3cms dilated, and Angel's head was completely engaged, ready to come out beautifully once things got going a bit more.
The midwives checked her heartbeat and told me 'we have a happy baby' 'that's perfectly fine'.

They advised me to go and take a warm bath to try and get thing going a bit more.

I had a lovely hot soothing bath and felt my contractions getting stronger. At about 5.15am one of the midwives came to listen to angel's heart and said that's fine carry on.
At about 5.45 she came again to check the heart beat.
And I lay there in the bath happily telling her I couldfeel the contractions getting stronger, still 4-5 minutes apart but very stong.
She told me to turn on my side as she couldn't get the heartbeat.
She then asked me to move again, saying there's interfearence and that her silly moniter wasn;t working very well.

She then asked me to get in a towel and come downstairs and lay on the sofa so they could check the heartbeat.
I was a bit concerned, but told myself everything was fine.

I lay down on the sofa telling the other midwive how the contractions were stronger and she'll be here soon.
The midwive monitering the heart beat kept glancing up at me and down again to keep listening. After a few minutes she found the heartbeat and I let out a sigh of releif, but she looked up at me and said 'okay what we're going to have to do is transfer you now, baby's heartbeat in dropping a little'.
I said okay whatever needs to be done, even though she was acting calm with me, I knew that she meant it, that I needed to get to hospital.

She left the room and called 999, I heard her saying 'we need to get this baby out now', I get chills writing this bit.

I had no pain, no blood, waters hadn't even gone, barable contractions still.
I called my mum to come and look after the boys as I had to go hospital.
In 5 minutes flat I heard a siren and saw blue lights outside, I didn't have time to get my shoes on.
The paramedic didn't even speak to me, they were told to just take us in straight away.
The midfive carried on monitering the heart beat. I knew that Angel's heartbeat usually sounded like galloping horses. But now all I could hear was 'thud ..thud ..thud' it was terrifying and I felt numb and scared.

We were speeding through down on blue light, sirens going, the midwive was falling all over the place as we swirved round corners, but still kept that monitor on my belly. All I could do was laying they hoping and praying 'please be okay', and I cried silently, untill we arrived.

The trip took 5 minutes, staff were waiting at the hospital entrance and then got my bed down, and raced through the corridoors with me laying on the bed, they bashed through several sets of double doors, the midwive was running, the paramedics, they were all running.
We sped the the antinatal clinic I remember sitting in waiting for hours only a few weeks earlier for my ECV.
We got to a room, and a doctor told me to strip, I was a bit embarassed but no one was very concerned about me, they were all fixated on the monitering machine they'd just attached to my belly.
The thuds sounded a bit faster, I sighed massive releif and told hem that she's getting better, 'that's much better than how she was earlier' and I was smiling that Angel was still with us and a bit happier', The doctor quickly told me that 'no this is not okay, her heartbeat is not okay' so my smile soon faded. She told me she was going to break my waters and had the stick in me before I could even respond. 'gush'
my waters had gone and there was blood everywhere.
I would later be told that this meant it was a hidden placental abruption.

I asked what was going on? What is going to happen?
'we're taking you through for a c-section, we need to get this baby out as soon as possible'
My midwife from the homebirth assured me that she would be with me, but she is just going to call baby's father.

We raced through corridoors again, again I felt numb, I just deeply hoped that all would be okay. I had about 6 differnt staff running with my bed, and I cried quickely, curled up, hoping my baby was okay. The midwife reappeared in theatre and heldmy hand.
I was weighed and put on the the operating table, the needles went in my arms, usually I freak out, but I didn't even feel them now, I was too numb with shock.
The general aneasthetic went up my arm and hit my throat with a cold feeling, or taste.. I said my last prayer 'please survive baby Angel'.

While I was sleeping my first daughter, Angel Elizabeth was born, weighing 8lb14, she had no signs of life. Doctors worked on her for 11 minutes, before being able to bring back her heart beat. They estimated that she was essentially dead for around 20 minutes all in all.

I woke up in recovery with Angel's father by my side, I head his voice but couldn't move, withina few minutes the pain hit me, I'd had major surgery with no pain releif, it took a few minutes of me wailing for the nurse to administer Morphine into my drip.
My (on/off) ex told me he'd seen Angel and that she's beautiful and she's alive.
I was so relieved, so happy, and couldn't wait to see her.

Around 4 hours after her birth I was finally able to see her for the first time, they wheeled my bed down to intensive care and she was SO BEAUTIFUL, with her daddy's nose, her cute chubby cheeks, but she was full of tubes which was to be expected.
The nurse caring for her had obviously been crying.
A doctor, along with a group of people allowed me to touch my daughter and say hello, she was sleeping, they then crowded in to tell me.
Angel has not attempted to breath herself yet. The machine was breathing for her.
He said if she doesn't attempt to breath within the next 6 hours we'll have to think about turning the machine off.
Don't be silly I thought, she will breath, I blocked out what they were saying, and took photos with me holding her hand.
I uploaded them to facebook for my friends and family to see and asked everyone to pray for.

She was transported to Addenbrookes for cooling treatment to prevent brain damage from the time she had no oxygen going to the brain.
We went and stayed there with her.

To cut a long story short, I could tell it in far more depth, but an MRI scan when she was a week old releaved extensive damage and not much ativity.

At 9 days old, we went to a hospice and took out the tubes and wires, she lay between me and her father, and did not try to breath.

I was hysterical, I picked her up for the first time, finally being able to hold her properly, being able to fully see her beautiful face for the first time. I'm crying as I write this.
We were left alone with her. I tried to resuscitate her, my partner softly told me to stop. I stripped off and laid her on my breast, I thought if she could feel and smell her mummy's milk she would do something to try and wake up.
She didn't respond.
I laid in bed with her on my chest, and spend some beautiful time with her, she did a gasping motion every so often and I told myself shewas going to come back.
After 20 minutes she had gone.

A nurse came back into the room and confirmed there was no signs of life.

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booksandchoc · 17/08/2012 15:04

I'm so sorry you lost your beautiful daughter himynameisfred. xxxx