This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
How do I help DS cope / understand?(5 Posts)
I'm sorry for writing this in here. All the posts are so sad and I feel pathetic for posting about a dog.
On 20th Jan our beloved dog, Moli, died. She had an aggressive, rare tumour in her nose and because of its location they could only "trim" it back to buy time. She was diagnosed in Nov so the 3 ops she had (2 to investigate / biopsy) and one to buy time. It bought us my birthday & the festive season.
I miss her terribly, I want to cry most days and would give my right arm for one more day.
DS is 3.10 now and talks about her most days. I talk to him about her if he brings her up. Every couple of weeks he hugs a photo of her and says he wants her back. Obviously he can't quite understand that death / going to heaven means he'll never see her.
I don't lie, I tell him she was very ill and the vet (doggie doctor) couldn't make her better so she died and has gone to heaven. I tell him we all miss him, that it's ok to be sad and cry if he wants to.
Tonight he started screaming & crying in his bedroom, I ran in and he was hugging the picture, holding it to his cheek saying he wants her back.
It broke my heart a little more.
Other than being honest, in simple language, is there anything else I can do?
At times I want to scream that I want her back too but I don't do it and never let him see me that upset. But I do tell him (only when he asks for her) that I miss her too.
Apologies for posting this in here. I considered the pet section but this is more about a child handling grief rather than discussing the loss of a pet.
I would say just keep sharing your grief & let him share it, too. He will move on soon enough. Remind him of the funny stories & things the dog used to do, make her into a happy rather than a sad memory.
It is natural and healthy for a child to experience loss..they will come to terms with it and in the future will help them deal with berevement. Just keep on doing what you are doing, time will make it easier. It is a harsh leson to learn, but one that we all have to face at some point, better to learn it with a pet than a relative IYSWIM!
Problem is he's so young that he won't recall Moli's funny antics, she had calmed down by the time he was born. We do walk the route we used to take her on as it passes his nursery.
I am glad it's been a pet first, my Dad is getting old and is ill a lot so I'm not sure how long he's got left and that is likely to be DS's first experience of losing a relative.
Hope it won't be for a few years yet though.
Just tell him the funny stories of stuff she used to do, you can even act them out together (4yo should love that).