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problem with 16wk pregnancy - going to have to terminate - help

(92 Posts)
Manoo Thu 02-Mar-06 12:33:29

I have just had very bad news. I was pregnant but had very bad bleeding so assumed I had had a miscarrage. However, I didn't feel right so went to the docs and found I had high hcg levels. Had a scan this morning...

The baby is there and alive, but has something very wrong with it (would rather not go into details, too upsetting) so I'm going to have a termination. I'll find out tomorrow exactly how this will be done, but was told today it would most likely be a tablet for me to expel it myself.

I'm terrified of having to go through this. I don't know what anyone could say to make me feel better, but I just felt I wanted to 'talk' (if only over the internet). I feel in such a state of shock, and feel strangely ashamed that my body has created something with something so wrong with it.

FirstNikki Sun 05-Mar-06 16:38:50

Manoo just seen your post and I am terribly sorry to hear what you are going through. I am sorry for your loss. Best wishes to you and your family.

Cristina7 Sun 05-Mar-06 16:59:41

So sorry to hear of what you're going through, Manoo. I wish you strength now and in the coming months.

Blu Tue 07-Mar-06 21:41:19

Wondering how you are...

mumsymoo Tue 07-Mar-06 22:06:29

Just wanted to say that things will get better. Take time to grieve and look after yourself. I had four miscarriages and totally blamed myself. I gave up trying for a family and threw myself into work. To cut a long story short, I've now got 5 children and know that none of the earlier problems were my fault at all.

SaraLee Tue 07-Mar-06 22:19:45

I am so sorry. x

emkana Tue 07-Mar-06 22:26:12

Just wanted to express my sympathy, I'm so sorry to read what you are going through.

Best wishes for you and your family

bigbaubleeyes Tue 07-Mar-06 23:20:35

Manoo - you prob will have quite bad period like pains for the physical side and its not that painful. However where to start re emotional pain I can't imagine. I lost a twin in the first tirmester last year and we were v upset. We found comfort in knowing it was 'poorly' and wasn't developing properly. We felt torn between wanting the baby and for it to be alright but not, it is so difficult....I won't forget the moment of the scan .

We felt lucky in a way cos the decision was taken by mother nature and out of our hands. I think you are being very brave and you have our deepest sympathy and best wishes. x x x

CarlyP Wed 08-Mar-06 07:43:05

hope you doing ok manoo.


Marina Wed 08-Mar-06 08:50:38

Also checking in to see how you are and thinking of you all Manoo XXX

milward Wed 08-Mar-06 08:54:01

Thinking of you manoo - look after yourself at this difficult time xxx

Manoo Thu 09-Mar-06 16:23:35

Thanks for checking in and checking up on me people - it's great to have your support.

I was advised at my Friday appointment to wait a little so went in to hospital on Monday morning and came out on Tuesday morning. The whole process was physically much easier than I'd been expecting, which was something at least. Since first receiving the news my thoughts and feelings had changed, so by the time my tiny baby was delivered I was very keen to look at him and spend time with him. We very much think he's a boy, although we've been told that at 17 weeks female genitals can be swollen so gender can be unclear. We'll find out for sure on Monday, after the postmortem has taken place.

My partner was great and the two of us felt so close as we shared the sad experience of welcoming our boy into the world and saying goodbye at the same time.

Our baby had a neural tube defect - spina bifida is in this group - but our baby had anencephaly, which means that the brain didn't develop properly. It helped to see with our own eyes that, while our little boy's body was totally and utterly perfect, his head showed the extent of the problem and showed us without doubt that our poor little one had no chance of survival at all.

The time since coming home has been hardest - felt weepy yesterday and today feel quite angry and grumpy (although writing this is helping a bit). Going to have a hospital burial, and I'm looking forward to that so I'll have somewhere to go and be when I'm feeling sad.

Anyway, thanks again for your thoughts. Oh, and thanks Marina for the photo idea - it really helped to have photos of ds1 to look at in the hospital.

Piffle Thu 09-Mar-06 16:26:16

Manoo, I have thought of you often in the last week, thank you for being able to come back and tell us what happened.
I am so sad that this happened to you both and amin awe in the way you have dealt with it.
I am glad you feel at peace and that you saw your baby. I hope you recover well and are ok.
Piff x x

WideWebWitch Thu 09-Mar-06 16:28:15

Sympathy Manoo, this sounds very hard.

trace2 Thu 09-Mar-06 16:28:33

so sorry for what happened, but my neices baby had the same, she was 22 weeks, when she terminated, she herself is a spina bifida, but she has not got the same problems, but i must say 12 months after she as a health little boy now,

PeachyClair Thu 09-Mar-06 17:18:50

sending love and hugs XX

blueteddy Thu 09-Mar-06 17:25:23

Message withdrawn

weewilliewinkie Thu 09-Mar-06 18:58:38

manoo, I think you are amazingly brave. What a terrible time for you. My heart goes out to you.

Take care of yourself. x

motherinferior Thu 09-Mar-06 19:05:56

Manoo, love, I have only just seen this thread. I am so very sorry; there is, of course, nothing else I can say, but I did want to say that.

bigbaubleeyes Thu 09-Mar-06 19:08:11

Best wishes manoo

moondog Thu 09-Mar-06 19:09:41

What a truly tragic thing to happen.
I am so sorry.

ssd Thu 09-Mar-06 19:11:51

manoo, really respect your courage.

thinking of you all, very best wishes,

ssd x x x x

biglips Thu 09-Mar-06 19:12:52

my heart goes out to you manoo

SorenLorensen Thu 09-Mar-06 19:13:22

I've only just seen this too, Manoo. I'm so sorry for your loss - how terribly, terribly sad.

Blu Thu 09-Mar-06 19:26:24

Manoo, you have been through so very much in the last month, and have much to go through. So sorry for the loss of your darling baby.

tamum Thu 09-Mar-06 19:28:06

Manoo, I am so, so sorry.

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