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A love story : Living without my beautiful red-headed Mia

(996 Posts)
MiaAlexandrasmummy Wed 16-May-12 21:47:09

This love story began before Mia was born, intensified when she entered our lives, and it will continue to burn strongly forever. Mia is my red-headed flame, my sweet pea, my noisy sprite. Mia is joy, she is love, she is every good thing you can imagine. And I am so incredibly proud to be her mummy.

Yet she is gone. Mia died totally unexpectedly last October at the age of 13 months. Impossible, but true.

We miss Mia’s cuddles, her weight and her little legs curled around us, her face against our cheeks and her warm arms around our necks, the soothing pats on the back that she would give us as we in turn patted her. She was intimate, coming to us, arms raised, for a reassuring cuddle, but then with a smile, content she would wiggle free, independent and inquisitive about everything around her, exploring her world, looking in cupboards, peeking between the banisters as she climbed the stairs and just revelling in her existence.

I have tried to estimate how many times a day we kissed Mia. Picking her up, putting her down, dressing her, feeding her, washing her hands, just because… it must have been hundreds. Equally, we always made a point to tell Mia every day just how much we loved her. We know she listened.

I cannot begin to adequately describe the love that we have for our little girl. I can only ask you to imagine the most perfect feeling of love and warmth that you can, to double its intensity, and extend it to infinity and you are still not even close to the amount of love that we shared with Mia every second of the her 13 months.

This is her story, and mine, and my reality.

MiaAlexandrasmummy Wed 26-Dec-12 18:40:25

Mia was very much part of the whole day's celebrations yesterday. Tears and love throughout...

Little love notes to Mia in her Christmas stocking from the rest of the family... gold leaf pendants from her to her three aunts... a glass star and the two red glass hearts nestled in the mistletoe overhead... a discussion with her cousins about Mia being an angel, and her eldest cousin calling her to come down so I could cuddle her and Finn at the same time... a heartfelt champagne toast to our missing loved ones as we sat down to lunch...Mia's photo joining us all at the table... a beautiful infinity pendant with a little star in the middle, as well as a similar infinity bracelet from MrMia - infinite as our love for our little girl... We are lucky to have family who care so much.

Mia. Always loved, always in our hearts.

everlong Wed 26-Dec-12 19:04:21

Wow. What beautiful tributes, presents and acts of love for Mia.. as Mia's mummy it must have brought you so much warmth? All that love,,deserved and pure.

Finn will grow up knowing and loving his sister.

Well done for getting through the day xx

SaintVera Wed 26-Dec-12 22:54:34

Bless your family. They sound brilliant. How lovely to know that Mia is so well remembered xxx

pookiecat Thu 27-Dec-12 10:09:10

What a lovely way to celebrate your gorgeous girl and christmas.... Wishing you a peaceful New Year xx

MiaAlexandrasmummy Thu 27-Dec-12 13:37:39

Such a deep hole of sadness inside at the moment. Almost buried, when there is so much else to rejoice in. But it is there. A pit of never-ending pain. It hurts so much.

Why can't I have my perfect girl in my life? Why must I move forward without her unique magic?

Oh Mia. I love you so much. So much.

janey68 Thu 27-Dec-12 14:51:16

Life is so unfair. Of course you should have your daughter with you, as well as your son.

I can't feel your emotions because thankfully I have not lost a child, but I imagine at times like this- Christmas and the birth of another child and extended family celebrating- it must feel in a way even more acute because you have a heightened awareness of who and what you are missing.

No words can make it better- but you're all in my thoughts

Welovecouscous Thu 27-Dec-12 15:11:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pookiecat Sat 29-Dec-12 15:13:11

Hoping you are all okay and have had some peaceful moments xxx

jmf294 Mon 31-Dec-12 20:34:01

New years's thoughts and prayers for you all.
Much love and prayers for darling Mia. Xxx

everlong Mon 31-Dec-12 22:50:37

Just sending love tonight to you, MrMia and Finn.
Remembering Mia, always xxx

MiaAlexandrasmummy Tue 01-Jan-13 02:54:48

Friends - Thank you for sharing a year of love, light and loss with me.

Mia, my perfect, wonderful, smiley girl. We carry you into the new year on a crest of love. You are so special.

trulymadlydeeply Tue 01-Jan-13 11:02:17

Happy New Year, Mias.

Thinking of you all as the year turns and hope that, amidst the ache of loss, there is some hope now for happiness in 2013.

Much love,

TMD xx

Tamdin Wed 02-Jan-13 09:27:54

Happy new year to all the mia family. I truly hope 2013 is a positive year for you. Thinking of you as you begin a different journey with mia so firmly in your thoughts and in your heart. X

dubaipieeye Wed 02-Jan-13 12:12:02

Hello Miasmummy, just a quick note to saying I am sending you prayers of love and hope for 2013. Love to you all xx

Babyh200 Wed 02-Jan-13 20:38:27

Happy New Year Miasmummy, hoping 2013 will bring peace and happiness. Thinking of you all especially Mia xxxxx

MiaAlexandrasmummy Thu 03-Jan-13 00:12:02

Happy times and bygone days are never lost... In truth, they grow more wonderful within the heart that keeps them.

That feels right to me. While I hate the fact that Mia is no longer here to grow up, I am so very grateful she has given us so many beautiful memories, as tear-filled as they may be. My daughter is so beautiful. I see her every day, smiling widely, reaching up for a cuddle, giggling as I play games with her. That image is before my eyes always.

everlong Thu 03-Jan-13 07:18:42

I love that image of Mia. That is yours forever x

pookiecat Sat 05-Jan-13 22:24:14

Beautiful Mia, has become very much part of our lives, carry on writing, may this year be easier for you xxxxx

MiaAlexandrasmummy Sun 06-Jan-13 23:46:00

Last night I heard a song we associate with Mia, immediately followed by one for Finn. She is with us in so many ways. Always part of the family, included in the family noise, love and chaos.

Today we took Finn on his first flight -a trip to the snow with tha whole family. However, I also carry Mia's passport and we always travel with her photos, even if it is just overnight. For some unfathomable reason, today I had three seats to myself - one for me, one for Finn, and I felt the third was for Mia.

On the way, there was an article in a magazine I had to read about bringing up little girls. I naturally wanted to see if I had been doing the right things with her, as it covered the stages they pass through as they grow up. Mia only made it to the first stage, which of of course gave me a twinge of sadness, but it was an important one - your daughter should feel loved and safe. And I am absolutely confident Mia felt that. She would always come to me for comfort, even only for a moment, whether happy or sad, before going off to explore again with a smile.

Mia's little Cousin Brown Hair is giving us so much pleasure. She is sweet with Finn, fascinated by my breastfeeding, and now carries around a 'baby' under her clothes and regularly feeds it. Through her, as with Mia's friends, we can imagine what Mia might be like now, a caring big sister, hopefully interested but perhaps sometimes bemused by her little brother who takes up so much of my time.

pookiecat Tue 08-Jan-13 16:49:21

Hope you are getting some rest, Iam sure Mia is constantly with her baby brother.... Love and light to you and yours xxx

MiaAlexandrasmummy Thu 10-Jan-13 22:56:00

We are having a wonderful time with the family, lots of silly and special moments. One especially hurt tonight. Mia's three cousins were all running around, squeezed into baby nappies, dancing a silly conga, just for no particular reason, just because they were together and knew we would all laugh at them. I suddenly had a pang, wanting so much for Mia to share their excitement, feel the family love, and giggle as they all rushed back up the stairs to bed.

It's just not fair. She would have loved to be a part of it all. She had a developing sense of humour. She was just learning about her cousins. All gone. We can only imagine her here...

MiaAlexandrasmummy Sat 12-Jan-13 18:42:07

First time completely alone today, sitting out in the sunshine. I thought of Mia as I saw cloud kisses in a perfectly blue sky. Love you, my precious first born, my darling girl.

jmf294 Sat 12-Jan-13 21:10:05

Thinking of you and your precious Mia.
The daily reminders of how life should have been must be so hard to bear.

Tamdin Sat 12-Jan-13 22:08:58

Hi. Thinking of you too. Still here, still listening. X

saffronwblue Sun 13-Jan-13 01:15:13

I have been thinking of you Mias and hope that 2013 brings moments of joy and comfort for you all.

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