First Anniversary Today

(17 Posts)
lesley33 Fri 20-Apr-12 09:00:11

Today is the first anniversary of when a close friend killed herself totally unexpectedly. I have been dreading today and its been a hard week leading up to it.

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helpyourself Fri 20-Apr-12 10:11:40

I'm sorry for your loss. Can you do something for her and you today? Light a candle or let her relatives know you are thinking of her and them.

lesley33 Fri 20-Apr-12 10:34:02

She has no close relatives. I am meeting tonight with 2 of her other close friends just to reminisce.

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giraffesCantDonateBoneMarrow Fri 20-Apr-12 10:47:02

thinking of you

lesley33 Fri 20-Apr-12 11:38:59

Thank you Giraffes. I have lost other people that I love, but it does feel different when someone has deliberately ended their life.

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gaunyerseljeannie Fri 20-Apr-12 19:24:52

I know, I lost a friend through suicide 11 years ago. It does get easier. Thinking of you x

chipmonkey Fri 20-Apr-12 19:39:27

So sorry, lesley. Young girl round here committed suicide a short while ago. She's buried 3 graves up from my dd. From the messages on her grave, you can see that she was really loved and has devastated so many people.

lesley33 Sat 21-Apr-12 09:47:07

Thank you for your comments. Gaun, I am so sorry you lost a friend through suicide as well.

I am glad that at least now all the first anniversaries are over. But I do still feel guilt, anger and overwhelming sadness that she took her own life. We will never know why she did this, but it was extremely unexpected. Her partner who she didn't live with, has a degenerative illness. But apart from that she had no obvious problems and no sign of depression, so it was a total shock.

I saw her very regularly and had no idea she felt like this and she had confided lots of stuff in the past. But I know I will simply never know why she felt she had to do this.

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chipmonkey Sat 21-Apr-12 12:56:30

Don't feel guilty, lesley. If someone is determined to do it, there's nothing their friends can really do, you can't babysit someone 24/7 and some people don't really talk about their feelings in depth so you couln't have had any idea how bad she was feeling and couln't have prevented it.

gaunyerseljeannie Sat 21-Apr-12 17:15:09

I felt the anger and sadness too, at times it bordered on rage, as he left his wife coping with their two very small children, but I've come to accept that he was simply so very, very ill yet so good at masking the symptoms that he could not cope and we could not have known. The years took the rage away. Now I just take joy in all that he left, in our memories and in his kids. You may never know all the ins and outs but I hope you will be able to accept that in time and be at peace.
kind thoughts x

Sunnywithachanceofshowers Sat 21-Apr-12 17:34:55

I'm sorry for your loss lesley.

I lost my oldest friend to suicide in 2005. The first anniversaries in particular were horrendous, but it really does get easier. I am at peace with her decision, but I still miss her.

Big hugs to you xx

lesley33 Sat 21-Apr-12 17:52:59

Thank you all and I am so sorry you have experienced this too. Yes sunny the first anniversaries have been horrible, so at least they are all over now. I don't think it helped either that it took so long for the inquest to take place - 8 months after she had died.

The anger when it comes is much much less than it was, as is the guilt. And I am sure in time they will go, leaving only the sadness.

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Sunnywithachanceofshowers Sat 21-Apr-12 18:24:06

Look after yourself Lesley xxx

DelGirl Sat 21-Apr-12 18:34:39

sorry for your terrible loss Lesley. You may hopefully find the next few days get easier.

My dh has been gone for 10 years this year and for the first few years, probably still actually, that in the days leading up to an anniversary I am usually anxious and irritable. It took me a while to realise the connection and it can still take me by surprise.

lesley33 Sun 22-Apr-12 20:17:19

Thank you. DelGirl - I have been very irritable in the week leading up to the anniversary and it is only now it has started to lift that I realise just how irritable I have been. Sometimes it is easier to see how things have affected us after they have happened.

I am so sorry you lost your DH.

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Blondeshavemorefun Tue 24-Apr-12 23:38:06

sorry for your loss

i can totally understand as my dh killed his self a year ago (16th april so last monday) and i always said i needed to do all the firsts

it was a hard year and i hope you wont be too hard on yourself

no matter what you said/did if someone is determined enough to kill theirselves and want to, then they will xx

lesley33 Wed 25-Apr-12 17:26:24

Blonde - I am so sorry to hear about your DH. Hope things get easier for you now all the firsts are over Thinking of you. xxx

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