Don't want to sound insensitive but how do you cope with anniversaries and birthdays?

(6 Posts)
CatsSleepAnywhere Mon 16-Apr-12 13:15:22

Hi all, I am posting this as I can't help feeling sad today. It was/is my dad's birthday today. He died 18 years ago and even though it was such a long time ago, I still feel sad cause he is not here.

Yesterday was the 18th anniversary of the day he died. Maybe I feel down cause it's one day after the other IYSWIM.
I tried my best yesterday to keep busy. Today I am struggling.

OP’s posts: |
mum23girlys Mon 16-Apr-12 13:26:39

Aww feel sad for you sad.

It's just over 4 years since I lost my brother and I honestly think each anniversary is harder than the last. I suppose it's cause it makes you realise it's been another whole year and yet your life is still going on as normal and makes you think of all the things that have happened in the last year that your dad has missed. I don't think it ever gets easier so to speak but we just find ways of getting on with life. I find that the days leading up to the anniversaries and birthdays I have what I can only describe as a black cloud over me. Such a horrible feeling of dread at the days to come. The day after that anniversary though I always wake up feeling totally relieved that that's it by for another year.

I always try and get my husband to plan the day off work and we go out for a nice lunch together and then go up to the graveyard. Helps to have something to do rather than moping about the house. This year he was working away from home though and I was rubbish. Mopped about feeling sorry for myself all day sad

Hope you get through today. Maybe go for a walk to clear your head. Your dad wouldn't have wanted you sad. Remember the nice memories you have of him and look after you ((((hugs))))

mummylin2495 Mon 16-Apr-12 13:27:57

hello.I am going through all the firsts at the moment.My mum died on 30th October.since then it has been first xmas .first new year,my first birthday without a card,first easter and on the 20th April it will be mums birthday.I am dreading it and know my mind will be going back to last years birthday.Because i was executor of mums will along with my one of my brothers we have been kept very busy emptying and selling her house etc.Now it has all been done and im beginning to feel the loss of my mum more.I suppose its because now i have more time to think about it.I guess on the day,i will take her some flowers at the cemetery and maybe even leave her a card.I know it will be hard but i cant stop the day coming so will just have to face up to it.You will always feel sadness i think on your dads birthday,but we will have to try and remember the better times.

CatsSleepAnywhere Mon 16-Apr-12 13:36:17

Aww mummylin I think the first year is one of the hardest. {{sending hugs}}

OP’s posts: |
OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere Mon 16-Apr-12 13:38:35

You just have to get throught them as best you can.
It always catches me by suprises just how traumatic they are.

Its DD's on the 27th April. Its our 6th without her.

I have learnt not to plan anything for the day, to avoid appointments etc because I never know how I am going to be.

I usually work on my front garden. Its become her little memory garden and April is the perfect time to give it a tidy up.

Whatever you do to get by is fine.

TheSinglePringleWillicopters Mon 07-May-12 17:52:04

I have only just seen this section.

I have lost many people over the years and it doesn't seem to get easier.

I lost a friend at 15 and it will be 6 years to the day he died next month and I'm dreading it.

I also have my nanna who died 11 year ago in July.

My aunt who died in July 4 year ago.

My great grandad who died in august 5 year ago.

Great grandma who died in September 15 year ago but I still remember her very well.

Grandad who died 5 year ago

I dread every death anniversary and every birthday especially this year as I will be alone with no one around to deal with it. I had ny nannas birthday in April and I went to her grave with my son.

My friend who died when I was 16 had a horrible family who will not tell any of his friends where he is buried and didn't tell any of us when his funeral was so every year I'm reminded that I have no where to go to remember him. I used his name as a middle name for my son as it was the only thing I could do.

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