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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

MNHQ have commented on this thread

1 2 3 4 5

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

MNHQ have commented on this thread

Bereavement

Lost my baby son this week

107 replies

Treats · 02/12/2011 21:01

Starting a thread so that I've got somewhere to 'go' when I need to talk about this.

I lost my baby son this week. A prolapsed cord during labour deprived him of oxygen so that he was born severely brain damaged. The doctors managed to revive his heartbeat and get him breathing on a ventilator, so we were able to spend a precious six hours with him - our families came to see him and we had him baptised. We spent the last two hours in our hospital room with him, detached from the wires and tubes, and I was able to hold him and stroke him and tell him how much I loved him.

There's so much to think about and take in. DH and I are being a great comfort to each other - and our 2-year old DD is a huge source of consolation. Friends and family are being amazing and we are getting through by focussing on the practicalities, such as organising the funeral. But I'm frightened of how much sadness there still is to feel and what I will do when the initial shock fades and we have to adjust to our new normal life again.

I've been a regular MNer for a few years, but much more lurking than posting. I know that there are many many people here who have experiences to share and advice to offer, so I thought it would be helpful to have a thread here that I could post on to ask questions and get support when things are hard.

Thanks in advance, MNers. I will be back with questions and updates.......

OP posts:

Report

TheSecondComing · 02/12/2011 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MollyMurphy · 02/12/2011 21:05

I'm so sorry hun Wishing you well

TheBolter · 02/12/2011 21:06

I am so, so sorry. Wishing you strength.

ElfOnTheShelf · 02/12/2011 21:08

Ah Treats so, so sorry to hear that. Do you feel up to sharing his name with us

[big hug] x

SantasSnowilocks · 02/12/2011 21:08

So sorry to hear of your loss. Don't be hard on yourself and enjoy the memories of your little boy. Did you name him?

IwishIwasmoresparkly · 02/12/2011 21:09

Oh Treats, I'm so sorry to hear your dreadful news.

I really am hopeless at knowing what to say in situations like this, but I wanted you to know that you'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

Be kind and gentle to yourself.

x

mrspear · 02/12/2011 21:10

I am so so sorry for your loss

chipmonkey · 02/12/2011 21:13

Oh Treats! > I am walking this awful road with you but am a tiny bit further along, my beautiful girl died on October 4th. What was your little boy's name?

sleepysox · 02/12/2011 21:14

I am so sorry to read this. I'm sending you love and hugs xxx

ggirl · 02/12/2011 21:15

aww so sorry for your loss
wonderful you had those precious times with him to cherish

Life can seem so cruel at times.

Tinselitis · 02/12/2011 21:15

Treats, I am so, so sorry for the loss of your precious boy

TeaandHobnobs · 02/12/2011 21:18

Treats, I am so sorry. I hope posting here gives you some comfort. Thinking of you

chipmonkey · 02/12/2011 21:18

Treats, those of us who have lost children are on this thread You are more than welcome to join us when you feel ready.

beachyhead · 02/12/2011 21:19

So sorry to hear of your loss

DizzyCow63 · 02/12/2011 21:27

I am so sorry, thoughts are with you and your family.

Fly high, beautiful boy x

whimsy · 02/12/2011 21:28

I'm so sorry for you loss :(

shirazyum · 02/12/2011 21:30

Consider yourself hugged. xx

FaverollesWithBoughsOfHolly · 02/12/2011 21:32

I'm so sorry :(

LoopyLoopsWoopDeWoops · 02/12/2011 21:33

So sorry Treats.

Well done for starting this thread. I still (2 1/2 years later) struggle to post on bereavement, but for some reason your post drew me in. It won't go away, but you will heal in part. Thinking of you and all your lovely family, especially your little boy. xxx

Sparklyboots · 02/12/2011 21:34

Oh, darling, how desperately sad. Much love to you and your family and to your lost little boy x

Treats · 02/12/2011 21:35

His name was Felix. It was a name we had picked out for a boy when we were expecting our first child (who turned out to be a girl) and we still wanted it when we knew our second child was going to be a boy.

It was good to be sure what name we would give him as he was baptised so quickly after he was born - we didn't have to give him a name that felt unfamiliar or have a long discussion about it.

But the name means 'lucky' in Latin, which at first struck me as a bit inappropriate under the circumstances. But I'm happy that we called him that - and we were lucky in many ways. We got to cuddle him and tell him that we loved him and have him in our lives, even if only for a short time.

We're going to have a white heather spray on top of his coffin at the funeral, because it's a flower that symbolises luck. We're also going to give out white heather buttonholes to the mourners so that they have a little memento of Felix to take away with them. I've written a eulogy that talks about how lucky we are and how he'll be our perfect lucky charm when we need strength or help. Not sure if I'll read it out - it might be too much to cope with - but I'm glad I wrote it.

chipmonkey - I'm sorry that you are sharing this with me. What was your little girl's name?

OP posts:

hellhasnofury · 02/12/2011 21:36

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of Felix.

Gorgeousbubba · 02/12/2011 21:37

Thinking of you this must be such an awful thing to go through. Nothing anyone can say will take the pain away but hopefully will ease it slightly x

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 02/12/2011 21:38

I am so sorry treats

I know the grief can be frightening.
We do survive.

Love to you and your family. Felix is a wonderful name x

SantasSnowilocks · 02/12/2011 21:42

Felix is a great name. As you say it was meant to be his name and although it may not be obvious why his luck was so short lived you can hold onto those hours you were lucky enough to spend with him.

I love the idea of giving mourners a little bit of heather. You could also plant a special white heather bush in your garden or a window box too.

Flip

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