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Not sure where to put this - child bereavement/step parenting(3 Posts)
Been seeing bf for 1 yr, his wife died 4 years ago when his DD was 6. His DD likes me but has recently said she thinks I'm trying to replace her mum and she doesn't want us to get married - we're not engaged and are not rushing into anything. It took me by surprise as I thought we were going okay, it was recently the anniversary of her mum's death so I expect she was upset and thinking about things. I told her I could never replace her mum and I wouldn't expect her to call me mum, all I could do would be to be there if she wants/needs me. She seems to want me there as she's always asking when I'm going round and wants me to be there earlier! How can I help her?
A difficult situation for you to be in.
It sounds like you are very caring and sensible about it all and that you are approaching it all in the right way.
You simply need to give her time. Time to accept you and the situation.
As you have already done, reassure her that you don't want to replace her mother, but be there for her.
At the age of 10, she is beginning the transformation from child into adult and she will need a mother figure more than ever. You will probably have to deal with her see-sawing between needing you and pushing you away, which will be tough, but do your best to be strong and to take whatever she throws at you. Don't judge her for it, just accept it. In the long run she will grow to love and respect you for it.
Do get in touch with Winston's Wish. They have a terrific helpline and loads of great resources for supporting bereaved children. There will be others who have been in your shoes, with some wisdom and experience to share.