My beautiful red-headed 13-month daughter died totally unexpectedly

(1000 Posts)
MiaAlexandrasmummy Sat 19-Nov-11 14:12:28

I have never posted on mumsnet before, while my beautiful Mia was alive, although I read all the advice often. So I feel a bit of a fraud now - I can't be her mummy anymore.

She died nearly four weeks ago now. We had the most beautiful, touching service, with our families from all over the world with us, and we have been so touched by all the love shown to us by friends, friends of family, friends of friends, and even people who we don't even know.

But I hurt so much. The pain returns afresh each day, overwhelming me, even though I am managing to get up, get out of the house, and function on a basic level.

Mia wasn't supposed to die. She was so happy, developing well, eating well, with no sign of illness. But she was, it turns out.

I am her mummy, and she spent so much time with me. How could I not know?? How can we go on and adapt to a life without her? Obviously, people manage somehow, but I keep fighting the fact that she is really gone, and we will never see her smile again, kiss her soft curls or hold her in our arms. It is so wrong.

OP’s posts: |
MoaningMinnieWhingesAgain Sat 19-Nov-11 14:16:28

I am so sorry for your loss. You will always be her Mummy, and she will always be your daughter.

RandomMess Sat 19-Nov-11 14:17:59

So sorry for you loss x

mumatron Sat 19-Nov-11 14:19:57

sad so sorry to read this. There are, unfortunately, lots of mums here who have been through this. Hopefully they will be along soon.

X

Kayzr Sat 19-Nov-11 14:20:00

I am so sorry for your loss. You'll always be her Mummy. sad

kasbah72 Sat 19-Nov-11 14:20:08

I can't even begin to imagine how heartbreaking it is for you to lose her. I am so so sorry.

rhetorician Sat 19-Nov-11 14:20:56

very sorry to hear about your devastating loss

Lucyloo81 Sat 19-Nov-11 14:21:29

I couldn't read this and not post - I am so sorry about Mia. Life is so unfair sometimes.

I know there is a lot of good support on here and people who have been through similar.

Wishing you lots of strength and support through this time.

xx

Rosa Sat 19-Nov-11 14:23:05

Its wrong and I wish you every strength to get through what must be a terrible time...

KateF Sat 19-Nov-11 14:23:10

I couldn't ignore your OP and I'm so sorry for the loss of little Mia. There are some amazing women on Mumsnet who have a long running thread supporting bereaved mothers. I'm sure someone will be along soon who can offer you more practical help than I can.

MiaAlexandrasmummy Sat 19-Nov-11 14:23:41

I just want her back. To see her smile. All we have are videos and photos and a house full of her toys and clothes... poor replacements of my bubbly, smiley, cheeky little girl.

She only had four teeth. And didn't even get to walk solo. She only did two days of nursery... so much that she isn't going to do.

But Mia did have the biggest, most loving smile. I know she loved us, and that love shone through her eyes every day. But it should still be there.

OP’s posts: |
bigTillyMint Sat 19-Nov-11 14:24:25

I am so sorry for your loss too. How completely heartbreaking.sad

Pagwatch Sat 19-Nov-11 14:24:34

I am so sorry for your loss. You are right, it is wrong, wrong to lose one you love so much. But of course you could not know- how could you?

There is much support and advice on here from those who share your sadness of losing a child. I hope they can help you a little.

MaxineQuordlepleen Sat 19-Nov-11 14:27:25

So sorry for your loss xxx

ohbugrit Sat 19-Nov-11 14:28:43

So sorry for your terrible loss. You can talk about her here as much as you like, we will listen. Wishing you strength.

MiaAlexandrasmummy Sat 19-Nov-11 14:30:30

Thank you all for your messages, responding so quickly to my bewilderment and grief. I am sitting here with tears running down my cheeks, barely able to see. You are so kind.

OP’s posts: |
Coconutty Sat 19-Nov-11 14:32:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MorningCoffee Sat 19-Nov-11 14:33:05

This is heartbreaking, I am so so sorry for your loss of Mia, please talk about Mia here she sounds like a beautiful bubbly little girl. Much love & thoughts to you and your family.

breadandhoney Sat 19-Nov-11 14:33:07

I am so sorry to be reading this. I cannot imagine how you must be feeling. I hope someone much more capable than me will be along to support you very soon, and that you find some comfort here.

Colliecollie Sat 19-Nov-11 14:33:16

I'm so so sorry xx

nokissymum Sat 19-Nov-11 14:33:17

So sorry for your loss. sad

Albrecht Sat 19-Nov-11 14:33:19

I'm so sorry for what has happened.

You know that she knew you loved her too.

Sirzy Sat 19-Nov-11 14:34:41

So sorry for your loss. I can't imagine for a second how your feeling but thoughts are with you all.

CiderwithBuda Sat 19-Nov-11 14:35:28

I am so so sorry. It is every parent's nightmare and is so unfair.

As others have said, unfortunately you are not alone and there are other mums on here who have been where you are now. I am sure one of them will be along but I will try and find their current thread. They are an amazing bunch and support each other all the time.

Your Mia sounds gorgeous.

Hullygully Sat 19-Nov-11 14:36:58

I am so sorry for your loss.

You are her mummy and will always be her mummy and she will always be your daughter.

xxxx

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