can I just remember my grandma and best friend for a moment.

[JjandtheBeanplusPud]

She lost her brave but short battle with cancer a year ago on the 10th of this month. But a whole family with extreme d+v meant I had no time to think.

She was only 65.

She was a carer for people with demensia and amazing at her job.

She was the best 2nd mum I could ask for, actually I prefered her! We all lived the three of us for 18years.

She had perfect nails and always had her hair so neat.

She smelled like home.

She made everything better.

She was brave and strong and inspirational.

She was the only person I knew loved and cherished me, and loosing her has made a huge hole in my heart.

I just wish I could erase to look that flowed behind her eyes three days before we lost her when she was told, this is it, she was defeated and scared and I just stood there numb.

Grandma I do hope this baby is a girl so she can be Lily June and remind me every second of you! I miss you, I love you always x

[blackoutthesun]

aww she sounds like a great woman [hugs]

[JjandtheBeanplusPud]

She was, the best. And I never appreciated her enough.

[blackoutthesun]

but i bet she knew

[mckenzie]

I bet you have some fabulous memories Jj. Try and enjoy them if you can.

[Hassled]

She sounds like a wonderful woman. And yes, of course she'd have known how much you loved her. I'm sorry for your loss.
And if the baby's a boy, she'll still be there, part of him.

[McPhee]

She sounds like an inspirational lady x

[JjandtheBeanplusPud]

No matter what this baby is its a part of her, I was always told when one life ends another begins, I just wish I could tell her, shed be so happy.

I miss her so much

[latrucha]

Jj - I've read a couple of your posts recently, including the other one you''ve got running in Chat, and you have an awful lot on your plate. I have recently too. I lost both my parents and had two babies inside four years, plus a whole lot of other things comparable to your other troubles.

I hesitate to advise as everyone has their own way of dealing with things, but I have really found talking things through with a bereavement counsellor with Cruse has really helped. I haven't just talked about bereavement, though all the issues are related to it. I can't speak too highly of my counsellor. She really has helped me sort a lot of things out, and while things are still difficult after these last few months of talking to her the fog has really lifted and I can see my way forward.

If you think it might help you you can get the number of the local organiser off their website.