How do you cope with the first anniversary?

[Flimflammery]

It's coming up to the first anniversary of my mother dying, and I'm sort of dreading it. I feel like I want to mark it in some way, maybe find a church where I can light a candle for her, as she was a Catholic. Before she died I remember not understanding why people make a big deal out of death anniversaries, and thought I would celebrate her birthday instead (a couple of months before). But now it's come around, it does feel like it's important. And I keep thinking of what I was doing, where I was, this time last year (visiting freezing cold snowy England with DD age 3, and watching my mum die).

I don't know if I want to go off alone and do something, or do something with the kids and DH (the candle thing?) or what. It's also going to be hard because my MIL is coming to stay with us in the days leading up to it (we are abroad), and after she booked her flights without telling us the dates in advance, I had to ask her to go back a day early so that she wouldn't be here on the day itself - but that's another thread. It's going to be so hard having her spending time with my children, when my own mother will never see them at this age.

Anyway, please share your experiences of anniversaries, upcoming or past. I feel alone with it all too. I have good friends here, but not close enough that I can really talk about things like this.

[littleanne73]

Hi There
Sorry to hear of your sad loss, I lost my Dad many years ago when I was a teenager, but as the anniversary comes round I always remember very quietly my dear Dad. My husband or Daughter never met him so I always feel a little alone, which of course I'm not!

All I would say is do what feels right, if your Mum was religious and you aren't then do what feels right in your heart. Maybe go out and get some nice candles, there are alot of beautiful christmas ones around at the moment and light one at home, tell your kids that you are lighting the candle for your Mum and spend some time talking about her, maybe the kids can draw a picture that reminds them of your Mum and you can put them up for a few days. You could tell them some stories about when you were younger and your memories of your Mum.

I would then pour yourself a nice glass of wine or have a lovely cup of tea and remember your Mum fondly. She will be with you in spirit.

I wish you well on the anniversary.

[Flimflammery]

Thank you.

[littleanne73]

No problem I hope whatever you choose to do feels right.