some advice

[ben5]

My ds2 turns 6 tomorrow. He has invited his whole class.
This morning I recieved a phone call from one of the parents informing me that one of ds friends died in his sleep on Thursday night. School were unaware of this on Friday. He had cancer.
So question being when and how do I tell ds2?

[PortoTreasonAndPlot]

Oh how sad! I have no clue how I would deal with this either, but bumping for you.....

[mckenzie]

so sorry to hear your sad news ben5. I take it the child was supposed to be coming to the party? Will the other children be aware do you suppose?

[mckenzie]

and did your DS know that the child was ill?

[ben5]

yes he was coming to the party. he had cancer last year and returned this year. the cancer made him wheel chair bound and he did have a feeding tube when he first came back to school although this has been out for some weeks. they all know he has been ill. some children are being told by there parents and some are waiting for teacher support on Monday

[mckenzie]

I think personally I would tell him now.
We had to tell our two DCs that their great nan had died, this was about two years ago when they were 4 and 8. i was dreading it but they were so matter of fact about it. They knew she was old, they knew she'd been ill. As your DC has seen the child go through some of his illness, he might be quite bland (not quite the right word but hope you get my drift) about him dying. Also, as he is only 6 it might be that he will say "oh dear that's sad. Now about my birthday..." or words to that effect. I would think, personally, better to tell him today.
So very sad though

[ben5]

we have been thinking we would tell him today rather tomorrow on his birthday. sounds very selfish compaired to what his family must be going through. I think I'll cry( as I have been ) more than him.

[mckenzie]

probably ben5, yes. I was really surprised with my two's reaction. I was advised to just tell the fact in a short sentence and then leave it at that. Ask DC if he has any questions and be prepared for one or two to pop up at random moments later today. But don't be surprised by his apparent lack of emotion or sadness (having said that, he might of course be quite different to my two who were cool as anything over a beloved dear great Nan but fell apart when the cat died )
Hope it all goes oaky and you are all able to enjoy tomorrow.

[mckenzie]

'okay' even

[ben5]

thank you mckenzie. like you said he seemed to take it rather well and the party went well!

[mckenzie]

glad to hear it