Long story will try to keep it short. My cousin who was 6months pregnant was told at her scan that her baby had a heart defect and wouldn't survive. She was pushed to terminate (she is in France). She lost her baby a month ago. My mum broke then news to me that my cousin would have to terminate and said that "it was for the best as the baby would not have survived more than a few days and they would give him a little injection and that would be it". I was really upset to hear her talk like that of a little baby and completely disregarding my cousin's pain or her feeling or the fact that she would be loosing her baby.
Anyway fast forward a month or so and my cousin has been heartbroken. I have not seen her as I am not in France but have tried to call her several times. When she told me taht she didn't feel up for talking I have left her along for say a week to 10 days. I have tried to be sensitive about it and to show that I love her without making a nuisance of myself. I am the only person from the whole family who has tried to contact my cousin. Absolutely no one has phone,written or anything
Anyway I am moving and had a lot of children and baby stuff to sell or give. I decided to give them away and if people asked me if they could pay me to says they could give me a small contribution for SANDS.
Today I have made a donation to SANDS with a view to supporting families who are in a situation similar to my cousin as there is nothing like SANDS in france. I thought I would also set up a little "in memoriam" site for the baby. I put a picture of a shooting star and also the song twinkle twinkle and sent the link to some members of my family (without asking for a donation) saying that if they wanted to put a message or a song or something the could.
I have now been completely flamed in an email by my mum saying that I was making a show of death and that basically my cousin should just forget about it and move on and not think of her baby anymore and basically telling me off because I brought the subject of the baby back up.
So to those who have experienced similar tragedies as my cousin, did I do the wrong thing? Should we just all ignore her and forget that baby forever. I replied to my mum that I didn't see how making a donation to a charity and trying to show love and support to my cousin was making a "show" and also told her that I doubted that parents could ever forget their lost child.
Sorry if long but am really really upset about all of this and even more at the though that perhaps I did the wrong thing towards my cousin
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AIBU to have made a donation to SANDS and set a "in memoriam site?"
21 replies
lifeistooshort · 28/10/2011 15:26
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cat64 ·
28/10/2011 16:19
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onholidaywithbaby ·
01/11/2011 11:53
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