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What do I say in this situation?

(11 Posts)
fluffythevampirestabber Tue 18-Oct-11 18:16:23

Friend's wee brother has died.

Basically, he was out on Saturday night with some mates.

He was 19 - re-sitting A-levels hopin to go for vet

found with head injuries, he later died.

AFAIK he was mugged for his wallet and phone.

What do I say? How do you even find words?


RuthChan Tue 18-Oct-11 18:19:28

All you can say is how terrible and tragic it is. What a waste of a young life with so much potential.
Express your deepest condolences.
In such a situation, it matters less how you say it. It matters more that you say something and let them know that you are thinking of them.

How unbelievably awful. sad

fluffythevampirestabber Tue 18-Oct-11 18:21:00

look how young and handsome he was

RuthChan Tue 18-Oct-11 18:32:20

How desperately sad.

fluffythevampirestabber Tue 18-Oct-11 18:33:30

He donated his organs.


RuthChan Tue 18-Oct-11 18:50:13

It's sad that he had the opportunity to donate his organs, but it is not sad that he did so.
His death is incredibly sad, but it is also wonderful that he has been able to offer other people the chance to live and have better quality of life.
It's a narrow silver lining, to a very black cloud.

fluffythevampirestabber Tue 18-Oct-11 18:53:26

It is. And the tributes from his friends on his FB page, and on another tribute page, are incredibly moving.

RuthChan Tue 18-Oct-11 19:22:27

That's good.
I hope his family can take comfort from knowing he was so loved and touched so many people's lives.

chipmonkey Wed 19-Oct-11 15:05:15

fluffy, since my dd died, I really don't care what people said, so long as they said something, IYKWIM. Plenty of people have just hugged me and said "I don't know what you say" What is worse, is if people avoid you and say nothing.

Just let them know they are in your thoughts and prayers ( if you pray)

RuthChan Wed 19-Oct-11 16:42:39


I completely agree. I felt the same after my mum died.
That's what I was trying to say in my first post too.

missingmumxox Sun 23-Oct-11 02:04:08

I had a friend who just hugged me when my mum died, I remember that more than most, it meant the most he mubbled I don't know what to say, 6 months later I had to do the same for him when his dad died, I remember the people who said nothing and actually avoided me, they I have now pegged in life as weak people, you don't need to say a bloody thing just show you care.

I had a work mate whos daughter was still born years before this, and I went throught what you are going through, a week after the death we had our work party on a boat and him and his wife came, after an hour of going past them to the bar, loo ect I realised that not only me but everyone was ignoring them, and they had no escape as it was a boat on a cruise! I mentioned it to another friend and she agreed she was doing the same, she then grabbed hold of me and dragged me to their table and asked if they wanted a drink, she then went and brought the drink, smart move leaving me with them :/ anyway after a few mins of silence well thats what it felt like, I just blured out, I am really sorry, my Mum is a midwife and she said the problem with still births and miscarrages is you can't talk about them as thought they exsisted, because you can't talk about their smile the food they liked....and I rambled on for an age, eventually A just smiled and said, relax, we knew tonight would be tough and you are the first person to talk to us, we understand, and relax, they then explained that they did have something to talk about, the pregnancy and they way their daughter used to stick a foot out all the time smile so it showed on Mums belly, and then she would do sommersaults after mum had eaten... I am alway greatful to my firend for dragging me over and offering the drink and running away, because I got all the kudos for being the first, but actually I was Shit scared, and forced into it, I have never worried since.

basically what I am trying to say is just go round and you don't need to say anything, just make tea, make sure they eat and be there.

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