'The mention of my child's name may bring tears to my eyes, but it never fails to bring music to my ears' - bereaved parents thread.

(994 Posts)
DawnOfTheDeementedDead Sun 16-Oct-11 14:44:33


The time of concern is over. No longer are we asked how we're doing. Never are the names of our children mentioned to us. A curtain descends. The moment has passed. Life's slip from frequent recall. There are exceptions: close and compassionate friends, sensitive and loving family. Still look. Still ask. Still listen. Thank God for them. For most, the drama is over. The spotlight is off. Applause is silent.

But for us the play will never end. The effects on us are timeless. What can be said, you ask? Please say "their names" to us. Love does not die. Their names are written on our lives. You may feel that they are dead. We feel that they are of the dead and still they live. They ghost-walk our souls, beckoning in future welcome. You say, "They were our children"; we say "They are". Please say "their names" to us and say "their names" again. It hurts to bury their memory in silence. What they were in flesh is no longer with us. What they are in spirit stays within us always. They were of our past but they are part of our now. They are our hope for the future. Please understand we cannot forget. We would not if we could.

We know that you cannot know, yesterday we were like you. Understand that we dwell in both flesh and spirit. We do not ask you to walk this road. The ascent is steep and the burden heavy. We walk it not by choice. We would rather walk it with them in the flesh, looking not to spirit worlds beyond. We are what we have to be. What we have lost, you cannot feel. What we have gained you may not see. Please say " their names" for they are alive. We will meet them again, although in many ways we've never parted. Their spirits play light songs, appear in sunrises and sunsets. They are real and shadow, they were and they are.

Please say "their names" to us and say "their names" again.
They are our children and we love them as we always did.
More each day.


In memory of my darling forever-baby Ciaran. I loved you from the moment i saw those two pink lines, and i'll love you til i draw my last breath as a wizened old woman of 103. You taught me what it was to truly love, and although you could only stay such a short time, you made me a better person and my world a better place. I'm so glad to have known you.

OP’s posts: |
CheeseandGherkins Sun 16-Oct-11 14:56:27

Beautiful thread Dee

Remembering Scarlett Niamh who was stillborn at 37 weeks last December, always loved and always will be xxx

Bluetinkerbell Sun 16-Oct-11 15:00:27

Thank you Dee so beautiful and so true!

In loving memory of my darling daughter Sterre! Love, like starlight, never dies!

BOObbledog Sun 16-Oct-11 15:16:35

Thanks Dee. Those words are so true - I'm finding it hard a year on when everyone is forgetting and I can do nothing but remember.

Thinking of my sunny funny boy Nate who died from complications during his leukaemia treatment last September aged 2 years 10 months. Love you and miss you always xx

shabbapinkfrog Sun 16-Oct-11 15:23:17

Beautiful words Dee - am choking back the tears after reading them.

To honour my two wonderful boys. With love to Gareth - who had the strength of a lion to fight the problems he was born with. Who had the beginnings of ginger curls like his nephew Lew. Who would smile and scream with excitement at the sight of a milky bar. Who had bright, shiny eyes and the sweetest smile ever. 1981-1982

With love to Matt. Who brought the sunshine back to my world. Who had the makings of a 'ladies man.' Who also loved chocolate and could eat a dozen 'collection boxes' (selection boxes) before Christmas dinner was served. Who was loved by the girls at school. Who held my hand everywhere we went.
1984 - 1992

chipmonkey Sun 16-Oct-11 16:56:31

Beautiful thread, Dee!

In memory of Sylvie-Rose, who left our world far too soon.

Mylittlebubble Sun 16-Oct-11 18:04:24

Thank you for the new thread.

We will forget you never
The child we had
But never had
Yet will have forever

Always by my side - Joseph, 35 weeks born sleeping x

EggyAllenPoe Sun 16-Oct-11 18:12:29

lovely thread title.

DawnOfTheDeementedDead Sun 16-Oct-11 18:20:05

This quote from Hellen Keller always reminds me of the people on this thread...

'When it seems that our sorrow is too great to be borne,
let us think of the great family of the heavy-hearted
into which our grief has given us entrance, and inevitably,
we will feel about us their arms, their empathy, their understanding and their love."

OP’s posts: |
Everlong Sun 16-Oct-11 18:33:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

peterpansmum Sun 16-Oct-11 18:37:16

Such touching and true words Dee.

I have two equal sized spaces in my heart for both my boys, one who still lives and Gregor who for two years and ten days lived life to the max. Gregor charmed everyone he met with one flash of his gorgeous big brown eyes and cheeky smile. Those who met him never forgot him even tho many never say his name now. He has made an impact on many many more since his death. Sunflowers and Daffodils. I miss u with all my heart wee man xxxxx

Whatevertheweather Sun 16-Oct-11 18:47:24

Oh Dee what a beautiful opening post to the thread. Thank you.

Remembering my little Erin born 25th August 2011 at 35 weeks. We had you for only one precious hour but you have made an impact on our lives that will last forever. We will carry you, wherever we go, in our hearts always xxx

lavandes Sun 16-Oct-11 19:53:36

Thankyou Dee what a beautiful thread. x

Remembering our beloved Richard a devoted dad, beloved son, dearly loved brother, taken far too soon, missed so mucb xxx

And please SAY HIS NAME, he is still part of our family, he existed, he may not be here physically but he is still in our hearts. xx

travellingwilbury Sun 16-Oct-11 20:18:14

Dee , what a wonderful thread title .

Remembering Harry , my gorgeous first born son , who died at the stupidly young age of 14 months , we carry you on our journey as a family forever scarred but forever thankful that we had you .

And yes to the saying his name !

You will not remind me of my sorrow because I have never forgotten and never will but it lightens my heart to hear of the memories other people have of him .

janedoe25 Sun 16-Oct-11 21:06:54

Such beautiful words dee, thank you for the new thread.

Remembering my little Zoe, born asleep on the 28th feb 2011 at 41 weeks.

Although I cannot see you
I know just where you are
By day youe are my sunshine
By night my shining star.

I miss adn love you with every beat of my heart. xxx

lavandes Sun 16-Oct-11 22:49:33

We took flowers to the crem garden yesterday. I have always thought that our Richard was among only old people, but my husband was looking at all the other plaques and there is one for a girl only 17 and a stillborn baby. I like to think our Richard will take care of them xx

Just a thought about signs. We always take red and white carnations, for Arsenal, and we always bring some back and put them in our living room, it just makes a connection for me. Last time there were some purple carnations in the flowers. We took the purple ones and some of the red ones home as usual, the purple ones died after maybe 2 weeks but the red ones lived for 6 weeks. very strange.

shabbapinkfrog Sun 16-Oct-11 22:51:59

I love getting 'signs and messages' like that Lavendes. xx

LottieJenkins Sun 16-Oct-11 22:56:49

Remembering my beautiful eldest son Jack who died aged two hours on December 22nd 1994............sad

DawnOfTheDeementedDead Mon 17-Oct-11 06:24:04

Good morning folks. Hope today finds you all well x

OP’s posts: |
shabbapinkfrog Mon 17-Oct-11 06:48:08

Morning girls xx Sooooooooooo tired!!

Whatevertheweather Mon 17-Oct-11 07:22:56

Morning all! 5.30am wake up call from K. She is going to be a tired girl at school today!

Mylittlebubble Mon 17-Oct-11 07:26:53

Me to 'Shabbs* wonder if there is something in the air. Can hardly keep my eyes open this morning!!!

Dee how apt your thread title and opening post are to me right now. Joseph left us 5 weeks ago and already people have stopped asking, phoning and mentioning his name. And if they do ask and I talk with a tear in my eye they apologise or change the subject when all I want to do is talk about him.

I have a feeling you guys will be good for me and I only hope I can bring you another supportive ear and hugs to you guys too xxx

lavandes Mon 17-Oct-11 07:42:44

Morning ladies xx

DawnOfTheDeementedDead Mon 17-Oct-11 07:52:27

Definately something in the air today. DD woke me at ten to six. Oh, i hate mornings!

OP’s posts: |
LottieJenkins Mon 17-Oct-11 08:02:53

Morning all, I have my friends daughter shortly to walk to school Brrrrrrrrrr. Then Bumble will expect his three mile walk!!!!!!

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