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What things have people said to you that made you realise how bereavement has affected you?

(6 Posts)
sh77 Tue 06-Sep-11 14:35:29

Today, a girl I used to know came to view my flat. I hadn't seen her for 9 years and so it was a lovely coincidence. She asked what happened to me as I used to be so colourful and bright. I thought she was referring to my clothes (I am wearing plain shirt and jeans). I told her that I didn't dress up at home. She repeated again how I used to be colourful. It then dawned on me she was referring to my personality. It really saddened me to hear her say that. I told her DD died and that the death of a loved one changes you. I know I have changed but I never realised it was obvious to others.

What things have people said to you that made you realise how death has changed you?

Tuppenyrice Tue 06-Sep-11 14:45:02

My heart goes out to you xxx

I lost my Dad 3 years ago (and also a friend the year prior to that.) It has definitely 'grown' me up. I haven't had that kind of comment though and really I think that girl was very rude to you.

I'm sending you a massive cuddle and a bottle of wine. Xxx

My BIL told my DH a few weeks ago that since my mum died I am not the same person anymore - apparently I am a lot sterner.

Makes sense I suppose. Seeing my wonderful beautiful brave mum suffer so much and then having the honour to be holding her hand when she died.....well, it's bound to change you surely. My rose coloured classes well and truely came off that day, dont think they will ever go back on now.

Hugs to you sh - how anyone copes with the loss of a child, my heart breaks for you all xx

DizzyKipper Wed 21-Sep-11 19:26:58

I can't recall anyone saying something specifically. But I do remember one day back when I was still working in a care home. It was one of the residents 100th birthday, She'd recently gotten sick/more weak and was having to have more bed care and a lot more assistance than usual. Me and another girl had been asked to help get her up, washed and dressed for the day as she was too fragile for us to help her alone. The other care worker was asking what we should dress her in that day (the lady wasn't concerned, too tired to comment) and then she found a lovely outfit that the lady very rarely used and suggested we put it on her. I had this instance of panic and irrational fear, inside shouting no don't put that on her, it's her birthday and if we put it on her she's going to die! It was irrational and silly, but inside I could see the poetic cruelty of allowing this lady to reach her 100th, having her dressed in her best outfit, only to take her that very same day. It actually had me to the point of tears just thinking about. That was when I realised that mentally I've been scarred for life, to realise that the world is a cruel and bitter place that when things seem to be going well will only act to make things worse. When things are going well now I can see the 'worst' that is to happen, waiting around the corner. I guess I've become more pessimistic.

My dad died 2 weeks before my wedding, and a week after my sister stated that she hated my OH and didn't want us to be married. It caused dissension not only amongst my family but also across my OH's family, and to this day has still affected us. It was supposed to be the best year of my life and it turned into the worst. A month later the baby that we'd been waiting 3 years to conceive MC'ed. Tis my birthday in 3 weeks, I need to get the optimism to severely hope this year will be better than the last.

Williamsmum02 Thu 22-Sep-11 00:07:45

Nothing that anyone has said, but sometimes when people are moaning and complaining about trivial things, I feel like saying "Come and talk to me when something REALLY bad happens to you - try losing your six month old baby.". It doesn't stop me complaining about trivia sometimes either though!!!

feelingafailure Sun 25-Sep-11 07:52:46

omg .sad truly sad.trivia is wot goes on.i lost my mum when i my baby was 6 weeks old in stead of going to my post natal i was going to my mums funeral/excat time 2.30.i can only fFEEL for others because i i know how much it hurts.trivia comes in to every day xxxxxxx

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