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My baby daughter died. I want her back

(673 Posts)
Whatevertheweather Tue 30-Aug-11 11:22:46

Hello, have been a regular poster since my eldest daughter was born 4 years ago. Never expected to be starting a thread in bereavement.

I was 35 weeks pregnant last week when I stopped feeling regular movements. A frantic dash to the hospital ended with an emergency c section after a scan showed she was showing signs of a viral infection. They thought we gone in time but when they took her out she was much worse than they expected. She died after about 40mins. We spent 2 precious nights with her before having to leave her there and come home for our other daughter.

I am numb. I can't stop shaking. I hate myself everytime I close my eyes I see 4 red words on a white background 'you should have known'

I just want her back - she shouldn't have even been born yet

MarshaBrady Tue 30-Aug-11 12:18:06

I am so, so sorry.

SoupDragon Tue 30-Aug-11 12:18:48

I'm so sorry to hear about Erin. Be kind to yourself, it was not your fault in any way. You could not possibly have known.


bumpybecky Tue 30-Aug-11 12:22:10

I'm so sorry for your loss. Please try not to blame yourself sad

jugglingwiththreeshoes Tue 30-Aug-11 12:27:19

I'm so sorry whatevertheweather to hear of the loss of your baby daughter, Erin. I think you went to the hospital as early as you possibly could have known anything might be wrong, and so you were able to spend some precious time with her which you will treasure forever. It is so sad though sad Hugs from me too xxx

Thumbwitch Tue 30-Aug-11 12:27:26

Erin is such a lovely name and I'm sure she is lovely. Did you take any photographs?

Conflugenglugen Tue 30-Aug-11 12:36:11


LynetteScavo Tue 30-Aug-11 12:42:00

Erin is a really lovely name...and how could you know anything was wrong? You just couldn't. Obviously you did the absolute best for her. Please be kind to yourself.x

Hoto Tue 30-Aug-11 12:46:41

so very sorry about your beautiful Erin. I can second the recommendation to contact sands - the support they gave a friend of mine was incredible.

chimchar Tue 30-Aug-11 12:51:36

So very sorry to read your sad news. X

BrokenBananaTantrum Tue 30-Aug-11 12:51:50

I'm so sorry. Please try to be kind to yourself. This is not your fault. Erin is a beautiful name for beautiful girl. I hope you get answers from the pm that help. Talk and cry as much or as little as you want. X

itsybitsy08 Tue 30-Aug-11 12:56:25

Our thoughts are with you and your family and your beautiful daughter Erin.
We have said a little prayer for you all xxx

flatbellyfella Tue 30-Aug-11 13:01:15

Tears are rolling down my face as I read your so sad situation , I hope you get a little comfort from the messages here. xx

OneOfTheBoys Tue 30-Aug-11 13:05:21

Am very sorry to hear this. It sounds as if you gave every chance and in her short life she will have known the comfort of your presence. You did your very best for her.

ajandjjmum Tue 30-Aug-11 13:08:25

So sorry for the loss of Erin.

duchesse Tue 30-Aug-11 13:10:47

sad So very very sorry for you.

I see a lot of people recommending Sands to other people on here- I believe they do fantastic work with bereaved families as you are.

BecauseImWorthIt Tue 30-Aug-11 13:11:50

I'm so sorry sad

nametapes Tue 30-Aug-11 13:16:44

We support you here. Sending you massive hugs and embraces. Am so sad to hear such terrible news. You must be totally devastated and in awful shock.
God bless you little babe and know she is in the safe embrace and arms of Jesus,,,,,, safe and loved.
Sad tears for you whatevertheweather. sad sad

speculationisrife Tue 30-Aug-11 13:18:35

I am so so sorry for the loss of your lovely Erin. It would be impossible not to feel as if you should have done more, I know, but hopefully a big part of you will come to know that you did all you could for her. The time you were able to spend with her will, I'm sure, eventually help you a great deal in healing - you'll be able to share your memories with each other and your eldest daughter, too, when you are ready. In the meantime, we're all here if you want to just talk about her and grieve. Big <<hugs>>.

mrsravelstein Tue 30-Aug-11 13:20:18

so very sorry

deemented Tue 30-Aug-11 13:20:36

Oh love, i am so so sorry that Erin died sad

Blaming ourselves is natural. It may not be right, or accurate, but it's natural. But you know that you did everything you could for her, don't you?

I learnt a long time ago that it's not about finding the answers... it's learning to live with the questions that's the hardest thing, but i promise my lovely, that in time, you will.

It's still such early early days, and everything is so new and raw. The main thing you need to concentrate on right now is yourself. You need to focus on breathing and getting through every moment. Take it moment by moment, that's all you can do, my love.

Sending you and your family thoughts and much love.

Please know that there's always someone here ou can talk to - day or night, anytime.

Four4me Tue 30-Aug-11 13:20:47

So sad for you all. sad You did exactly the right thing going when you did. Don't make things more horrific for yourself by blaming yourself. She will always be with you in your heart. Life is so unfair. Tears for your little angel and hugs for her big sister and all of her loved ones. X

dreamingbohemian Tue 30-Aug-11 13:22:09

I'm so sorry for your loss sad There is no way you could have known, please be kind to yourself and know it's not your fault and there is nothing you could have done. (((hugs)))

LRDTheFeministDragon Tue 30-Aug-11 13:26:27

Rest in peace, little Erin.

I am so, so sorry for your loss. There is no way you could have known. She was surrounded by love for the whole of her life - you gave her that. You did everything there was to be done.

deemented Tue 30-Aug-11 13:30:10

Whatevertheweather - when you're ready, we are here for you x

Bluetinkerbell Tue 30-Aug-11 13:31:46

I'm so sorry you had to go through this!
Erin is a lovely name! Be assured that your little girl knows that you love her very much!
Like people have said before, take it easy, step by step.

Lots of hugs! I will be praying for you!

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