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This is weird, i know but it feels funny/odd/not right/uncomfortable.

(7 Posts)
mrsnesbit Fri 29-Jul-11 19:27:51

So my friend died in January. Me & DH have been friends with her & her dh for about 17 years.

Her DH has met a lassy, he has brought her to meet us. She is nice.

He is a frequent visitor to our house, (most weekends & week days. Brings thier 2 kids with him) We are really good friends and we both have allot of time for him & the kids and i miss my friend terribly, still cant believe that she is gone sad

Anyhoo, this lassy is quite demonstrative, putting her arm around him, and kissing him.....well this is whats weird. It makes me feel uncomfortable becuase she is not my friend and he is my friends husband and they were just a couple so suited to each other.

She seems to have her feet under the table now too, she has a key to their house and stays over for days and days, complains about his washing machine amongst stuff.
He has been seeing her for about 2 months.

I know! i know! grown adults...but i cant help it, i am struggling with it.
Not sure if he is happy with the whole thing either, he is quiet about it, which is not like him as he pretty much tells us everything.

Im still grieving, he is too, but has moved on. He deserves to be happy.
AHhhh i need a good slapping.

thisisyesterday Fri 29-Jul-11 19:31:20

ahh that's quite a short time isn't it?

i think i'd feel the same. although if it all works out and he is happy then that's what matters i suppose.

aleene Fri 29-Jul-11 19:32:09

How difficult for you.
You are going to have to sit on your feelings though.
Perhaps it will run its course. Perhaps it won't.

Can I ask if it was a sudden death or a long illness? Sorry for your loss.

mrsnesbit Fri 29-Jul-11 19:41:49

My lovely friend had been an alcoholic for the last 4 years. Her dh found her dead at home. They had been divorced for about a month BUT she lived at home with him becuase he loved her and was worried about her falling over and being alone as her family couldnt cope with her.
He adored her till the end. She was a very different person when she was drinking.
He agreed to the divorce becuase she told him he was too good for her and didnt deserve what she was doing to him. she was adamant, he did anything she asked of him.
They were a lovely lovely couple and we had such good times with them. We saw them marry, they saw us marry, we saw them have ther children and buy thier house...they watched us do the same.

spudinvasion Fri 29-Jul-11 19:50:54

I totally sympathise as I was in your position a few years back. My very close friend died and her DH married 9 months later.

Sitting through that wedding ceremony was one of the hardest things I have ever done and I spent a long time trying to sob quietly in the loos at the reception.

I don't want to say too much about their situation but this woman has truly helped her DH and his 2 boys through the very long and difficult process of greiving. She has been patient, kind, taken lots of flack and generally built a happy, loving home for them without ever demanding anything of them. This has lead them to become polite, adorable and honest lads who are able to be comfortable with the range of emotions they still feel.

In time, I have been able to see how happy they all are now. Settled, able to be open about their feelings for thier Mum and their new step mum without conflict.

I'm so sorry for your loss. It is incredibly difficult to look on and feel as though your friends DH has "moved on", especially when you are still grieving yourself. Hugs.

aleene Fri 29-Jul-11 19:52:04

Oh that is very sad. He sounds like a very caring person. I'm sorry that drink took over your friend's life like that.

Try to be there if he wants to talk. I don't know if he can talk to his new friend about everything. There must be a lot of stuff he is dealing with.

mrsnesbit Fri 29-Jul-11 19:58:16

Im sure he will be ok, he is a great dad, i dont know how he has done it but he has been a single parent to his 2 kids for 4 years. Doing everything that a mum does for her kids alone.
He makes me laugh becuase on a Sunday he will say "gotta go, got to iron the school uniforms and make the packed lunches for school tomorrow" we have conversations about washing powder and meal planning.

Life must be lonely on a Saturday night when the kids are in bed, so this lassy will be great company for him.

I have arranged a curry night in a few weeks so that we can get to know her a bit better, i will try, but still secretly feel like i am betraying my lovely friend. Her DH wanted to go to our "usual curry house" but i said no, that was were we all went in happy days, its our place. I asked if we could go some where else, it is just too upsetting to sit where we always sat, and remember the last tiem we were there with her.

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