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Bereavement

Special gifts to remember Finlay

42 replies

sparkle · 13/10/2003 12:50

My sister had her baby at 26 weeks on 1 October and he sadly died on Saturday afternoon, 11 October. We are all devastated so goodness only knows what my sister and her DP are going through. Their baby was sp special, beautiful and very sweet and was named Finlay James Sonny. His big brother Thomas (almost 5) was looking forward to him coming home. It is all so heartbreaking.

I would like to give them a gift which will be a really special memory of Finlay. I had thought of naming a star after him. Does anyone know how I go about doing this? Or are there any other lovely ideas that you have that might help to help ease the pain of this awful situation?

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CountessDracula · 13/10/2003 12:55

Oh sparkle I'm so sorry to hear about this. They (and you) must be devastated. I think naming a star is a lovely idea, they will feel that he is looking down on them every night.

One of dd's godparents gave her some trees that they had planted for her in a forest in Kent. When she is older we will take her to see "her" forest. That might be a nice idea, though I prefer the star one.

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WSM · 13/10/2003 12:55

Oh Sparkle, how awful. My first pregnancy ended abruptly when my 26 week old foetus died in utero, it was a truly terrible time, I really feel your family.

The idea of naming a star for him is lovely, try this company they seem genuine.

Sympathy
WSM

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WSM · 13/10/2003 12:55

Sorry, 'I really feel FOR your family'.

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M2T · 13/10/2003 12:58

Sparkle this is such a sad time and thankfully I have no experience of this. I think the star is a lovely idea to remember him..... he'll always be up there shining.

WSM - I hadn't realised that.

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WSM · 13/10/2003 13:02

Thanks M2T. It was 4 years ago, we named her Holly. Things are far easier now but I think of her every day.

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CountessDracula · 13/10/2003 13:04

No, me neither.

Sparkle, my elder brother (my parents first)was stillborn and my Dad bought her a big Humpty Dumpty, she still has him in her bedroom and he has always been referred to as my big brother. I can even remember Mum telling us it was his birthday when we were little and us making him a card.

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aloha · 13/10/2003 13:06

Sparkle, what very sad news. I think the idea of a star is lovely but (and I hope this isn't out of order or unduly sceptical) I am doubtful that you actually get anything much for your money - the star isn't really renamed I don't think, except in a book you probably have to buy. I have to say I think the idea of the trees is beautiful, because they grow and change with the seasons and you can actually visit, touch and see them. Maybe a tree for their garden? There are some threads by Mumsnetters who have lost children about how they commemorated them - can anyone find a link?
I am so sorry for your family's loss.

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lazyeye · 13/10/2003 13:08

So sorry Sparkle. When I had a m/c bought a tree & it helps to look/talk to it sometimes.

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WideWebWitch · 13/10/2003 13:26

Oh Sparkle, I'm so sorry, your poor sister. I think a tree sounds like a lovely idea too.

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CountessDracula · 13/10/2003 13:29

Sparkle I'll go and dig out the tree thing and post the details.

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quackers · 13/10/2003 13:31

This is so sad.xxx
Aloha, I can't remember the thread now, will have a look this afters. My sister bought us a plant that flowers every year in the month that our baby would have been due and ironically the month I miscarried too. It is growing very strong and has had to be put in the garden! Most of all though we treasure our pebble. My dd brought it to hospital, she;d been to the beach with Grandma. It now sits with our family picture. I think it's having a little something to remember.

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CountessDracula · 13/10/2003 13:36

sparkle it's here
At least I think that was it. There are probably places local to you that do it too.

They will plant a commemorative tree, they give you a lovely card with it etc.

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SoupDragon · 13/10/2003 14:14

Sorry to hear this.

Friends have a nice certificate for "their" star framed on a wall.

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janh · 13/10/2003 14:27

This is so sad, sparkle.

I think the star idea is lovely too - I had a look at WSM's site and it does sound genuine, they provide a framed certificate and it says there is an actual register with a named entry for a given star, with coordinates so you can look at it...

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doormat · 13/10/2003 15:08

Sparkle I am so sorry to hear your sad news.
The star sounds a lovely idea.

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sparkle · 13/10/2003 19:58

Thanks everyone for your kind messages. It is a really hard time and i'm sure my sister will find it useful to read some of the threads on Mumsnet when she is up to it.

I really like the idea of a tree and it's something i'll think more about, although I know the hospital where Finlay was born have suggested this to my sister and DH. There is a lovely garden outside the SCBU/NICU unit and a commemorative tree could be planted there.

Thanks WSM, i'll have a look at your link now.

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Ghosty · 13/10/2003 20:03

Sparkle ... I am so sorry for your family's loss. I think the tree idea is the best idea. Thinking of you and your sister {{{}}}

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Marina · 13/10/2003 20:38

Sparkle, I am so sorry for your family's loss, what a terrible tragedy for your sister. We lost a son at 22 weeks just over a year ago. As well as Bedgebury, which is a lovely, lovely place, you can also plant a tree at the National Memorial Arboretum in Staffordshire, which is where the SANDS Garden is located. Here is the website of SANDS. This organisation provides wonderful support for bereaved families and will be able to advise you all on how, for example, you might help Thomas cope with his brother's death (we have a son of four and breaking the news to him was one of the most horrible things I have ever had to do).
Several of us on Mumsnet have been in a similar position to your sister, unfortunately. I found the support I got from friends on here so helpful after my loss, so post as much as you need, and if your sister has access to a PC and feels it might help, get her to post too. Or you can get in touch with me off-board if you wish.
My thoughts are with you all.

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forestfly · 13/10/2003 21:12

So sorry for your families news, im sure everybodies thoughts and care is with you all now x

In my local play park there is a crocodile toy bench, engraved with a little boys name who died. In a strange kind of way its lovely to see all the children laughing and playing on it. Like he is not alone. Also try this site for tree planting here

Take Care x

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whymummy · 13/10/2003 21:16

so sorry sparkle
hugs for everyone((((((()))))))

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Posey · 13/10/2003 21:22

Can't add anything that hasn't been said already except how sorry for you and your family.
The International Star Registry is genuine. We have a star, and have a framed certificate, a "space map" so you can locate it and various other bits and bobs.
Personally for this I kind of like the tree idea or something that flowers - autumn colour to remind them of this time in their lives.
Thinking of you

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forestfly · 13/10/2003 22:21

You can get your own rose cultivated and name that, i found this

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forestfly · 13/10/2003 22:26

Sorry if the website seems a bit tacky, i thought it was a nice idea. I also found this for little gifts while i was searching

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whitewater · 13/10/2003 22:41

Sparkle, just wanted to say thinking of you and your family. I think all the ideas here are lovely and you will choose what you think best for you and your sister and family.

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whitewater · 13/10/2003 22:42

Sparkle, just wanted to say thinking of you and your family. I think all the ideas here are lovely and you will choose what you think best for you and your sister and family.

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