Tomorrow will be 3 months since Richard died. Today is the 1st anniversary of dad's death. I am finding it difficult enough coping with these two huge loses, making sure the girls are ok, getting on with life...so why must everything I do seem so bloody difficult? Honestly, it seems that every move I make, every form I fill in, every single thing I try to close off is fraught with challenges. I am close to despair, close to losing it at times.
This morning, when I planned to clear the desk ready to tackle a load of paperwork, the postie comes. I open a bill from Richard's mobile phone company for £410. I cancelled the contract a couple of weeks after he died. They are now demanding £410 and for some reason the account is now in my name So instead of clearing my desk and doing all the things I wanted to do, I spent the morning trying to sort this crap out. I ended up writing an email to the CEO after one of their customer service representatives put the phone down on me. I did not shout or swear at her. I was not rude to her. I think she just wasn't adequately equipped to deal with what I was requesting. So she put the phone down on me.
The thing is, these organisations can ruin your life. They now - bizarrely - have an outstanding amount of £410 in my name. They are threatening me with adverse credit if I do not pay. I am very good at writing emails (remember the £10k donation from the crap credit card company?!), so hopefully this will be resolved. But it has heaped on a load more stress that I could really do without.
The simplest things seem such a challenge; nothing is without complications. Or at least that's what it feels like. The above is one of a hundred examples I could give you. I still have not had a penny for either the bereavement payment or the bereaved parent allowance. Hopefully that will be resolved this week. But it has been 3 months - why has it taken this long?
I am going away for a month next Saturday. I can't wait, but I also feel this huge weight crashing down on me, worrying so much about what shit could happen during that month; how much more my life might be ruined in that time. I almost feel myself panicking inside. I am not used to that - I am pretty much a calm, balanced person. My balance has been taken away from me and I hate it.
And it just pisses me off so much that this utterly meaningless crap detracts from my feelings for Richard and for Dad. I want to be able to grieve for them without all of this additional worry.
I don't like my new normal, not one little bit.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.
Bereavement
Why must it be so difficult?
13 replies
Rindercella · 12/07/2011 13:54
OP posts:
everlong ·
31/07/2011 20:14
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.