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Mum died yesterday -numb

(10 Posts)
toptramp Thu 23-Jun-11 09:02:39

Is it normal to feel so numb? I want to cry and have had a small cry but need to have a BIG cry. It's dds birthdday today and I don't feel like being jolly.
We are all very sad but relieved as her final month was so horrendous. It was a very aggressive cancer and now she dosn't have to suffer any more.

wompoopigeon Thu 23-Jun-11 09:08:35

I think it is totally normal to feel numb. Having to be jolly for a birthday sounds difficult.
My father died on Tuesday. It was also a relief as his last week in particular was horrible. I spent most of yesterday quietly in bed, and that helped tbh. I just feel absolutely knackered and wrung out by the whole thing.
Were you with your mother when she died? I just can't stop going over those minutes. I have found it helps to print off a photo of my dad when he was well and happy, and I look at that often.

MollysChamber Thu 23-Jun-11 09:10:53

Oh gosh Toptramp I'm so sorry. I've seen some of your posts about your Mum's illness. You clearly loved her very much. It does take time. I'm glad her suffering is over too.

LunaticIsOnTheGrass Thu 23-Jun-11 09:18:19

I didn't cry for a month after my Dad died last year.

I thought there was something wrong with me, I just couldn't cry, I knew I was heartbroken but nothing - just numb.

I comforted everyone else, I made all the arrangements. I didn't even shed a tear at the funeral.

Its normal - grief just effects some people this way.

I did cry eventually but at the time, not at all.

Just go with the flow though - grief is a strange thing x

GRW Thu 23-Jun-11 10:43:07

I am so sorry for your loss. The numbness you feel is perfectly normal, and your minds way of protecting you from overwhelming feelings at this early stage.
As Lunatic says the tears will come when the time is right. It's ok to feel a sense of relief that her suffering is over.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack Thu 23-Jun-11 10:43:31

I was numb after my mum died - I think it is the bodies way of coping with shock and allowing us to get things sorted.

Like lunatic says, grief is different for everyone although I seemed to go through the usual channels - numbness/sadness/guilt/ etc etc

I am reading a very interesting book called "Motherless Daughters" which has helped a bit.

Be gentle on yourself Top, it's such early days for you.

RIP to your mum!

Sexonlegs Thu 23-Jun-11 21:34:23

Oh I am so sorry to hear your news.

I echo others. How you are feeling is absolutely normal. Grief is so different for everyone.

I was with my Mum when she died, and I remember feeling the same numbness you describe. I was so matter-of-fact about it all and just kept telling myself that Mum's pain and suffering was over.

It was at the funeral which was a cremation where I totally went to pieces.

6 months on and I still feel sad, but not so raw.

I wish you love and strength.

RoseWei Fri 24-Jun-11 09:32:49

So sorry - you've been through so much. No wonder you feel like this. My dad died on DS's 11th birthday - so similar (ish) situation to yours.

Each birthday we celebrate both the birthday and the life - and, to be honest, the birthdays take the painful edge of the anniversaries. They are something to think about, to plan, to celebrate -

These are such early days for you. Your feelings and emotions must be so raw. I remember the numbness gave way to physical pain but it all passes, in time - it comes back, yes, but it's softer and easier to bear.

You've been through your mum's long illness. When it happens, when it's right for you, you can and will cry just as much as you want to. Don't hurry - and be very gentle and good to yourself.

LilRedWG Fri 24-Jun-11 09:38:55

Again, so sorry that you lost your lovely Mum. How you are feeling is totally normal. You will have many different emotions in the days weeks, months and years to come and will learn to accept them and go with them.

My Mum died two weeks after my Dad and I left my siblings around her bed in hospital to phone another sister, who lives abroad, went home and told DH and then the next day went to my Aunt's house to tell her. Not once did I cry. I cried at her funeral and still do now, almost two and a half years later.

Please try not to analyse how you are feeling, hard I know, but just go with the moment. If you want to smile then do, likewise if you want to cry (which you will eventually), then cry. Also, don't be suprised if you feel physically ill and catch everything going - your immune system will be supressed by all the stress.

Take care. xx

frostyfingers Mon 27-Jun-11 08:35:25

So sorry to hear your news. There's no right or wrong way to grieve, each of us handles it differently so don't worry whether you should or should not be feeling something. Look after yourself.

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