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1st anniversary of friend's DD passing and what would have been her 2nd Birthday...

(9 Posts)
Tweetinat Fri 03-Jun-11 20:35:44

My friends DD died of leukaemia only 2 days after her first birthday. Next week is the anniversary of her passing and what would have been her 2nd birthday. Naturally next week is going to be awful for her and I want to do the right thing in supporting her. I want to send her a card letting her know that I'm thinking of her right now, but I'm really not sure whether I should send a 'birthday' card as well. Although she has just given birth in the last 2 weeks to another DD, she very much has DD1 in her life and signs cards from the 3 (and now 4) of them. I don't want to do the wrong thing either way - either by not celebrating her birth if she wants that, or by seemingly cruelly reminding her that she has gone if she'd rather not be reminded. Does anyone have any advice on the best way to approach both anniversaries?

littlemisslozza Fri 03-Jun-11 20:43:50

How awful, your poor friend. sad

I would send one card acknowledging both events as there is only two days difference.

babybear5 Fri 03-Jun-11 20:54:01

I am in a similar situation once a year also. My sis lost her lo a couple of years ago to kidney cancer. She too will always sign his name on cards which i think is lovely to see. (some people would disagree)
What i do is send a thinking of you card on the anniversary of the lo death and on their actual birthday i send a card to the rest of the family..just a nice card..not necessary a birthday card but something which sends hugs or something saying 'wishing(name)a lovely birthday and thinking of you all today.
My sis seems to appreciate that we acknowledge both.
Such a hard time for your friend..I hope this might help a little.

spilttheteaagain Fri 03-Jun-11 21:05:14

I wouldn't worry about reminding her - she will be thinking about her DD and the upcoming birthday non stop. I would be very touched if someone sent me a card or a note to acknowledge my DD's birthday, even though she never lived.

Abelia Fri 03-Jun-11 21:08:41

I would send a card for the anniversary and another card to acknowledge her birthday. Because they are separate events even if very close together. You are a lovely friend. Please try to remember to send cards every year if at all possible, not just the first one or two.

Tweetinat Sat 04-Jun-11 20:28:42

I'm sorry very for your losses babybear5 and spilttheteaagain sad Thank you for taking the time to give your input onto this thread, and littlemisslozza and Abelia too. General consensus is to send two cards which was my first instinct. DH was thinking it was too much, but my view was that I would naturally send two anyway so the fact that the dates are so close should be ignored. I've found a lovely poem (which I hope my friend will think so too) for the anniversary of her death and I've got some words in mind for her birthday. Thanks for your support - I just needed some courage to do it - I can't begin to imagine the depths of her pain sad

Tweetinat Sat 11-Jun-11 13:36:26

For anyone who comes across this thread looking for guidance I just wanted to post an update. I sent two cards to my friend in the end, one of which was a birthday card and a 'thinking of you' card. I was very very worried how they would be received but I have had two messages since saying that they were very much appreciated and helped her get through the days. To anyone else worried about it then my advice would be to do it.

spilttheteaagain Sat 11-Jun-11 17:27:14

That's lovely to hear tweetinat, thanks for letting us know.

sh77 Thu 16-Jun-11 15:27:33

tweet you are a lovely friend and did the right thing. my dd passed away and i always put her name in cards. i cant tell you how thrilled i would be if someone sent me a card on her birthday. her 2nd bday and anniv. went largely unacknowledged. perhaps people think dd is not important now that ds has arrived.

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