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missing my mum so much

(5 Posts)
blackpool1 Wed 01-Jun-11 21:22:00

Mum died 4 months ago. Thought I was coping.At the moment I am on holiday with family and mil. She is lovely but it it just serving to remind me of what I have lost. When does the pain ease? No other bereavement I have had has been like this.

mamaduckbone Wed 01-Jun-11 21:37:27

So sorry for your loss blackpool. My dad died 3 years ago yesterday and I remember posting such a similar thread a couple of months after he died - it was my first encounter with mumsnet and amazingly supportive, which is why I had to reply to you.

You are still at a very very early stage of grieving for your mum and you will have so many ups and downs. I can remember feeling almost resentful of my FIL for still being around when my dad wasn't, especially when I saw him with my ds. I also remember feeling like everyone expected me to suddenly return to normal after a few weeks, when actually that was the time that I felt worse - when the initial shock wore off and the long term reality set in.

All I can say is, it does get easier. I still miss my dad every day, but it's manageable. I had a little cry yesterday for his anniversary and we went and had a lovely day out with the children to a National Trust house and gardens that he would have enjoyed.
I'd say after about a year I could think about him without that empty despairing feeling, but I still can't believe he's gone sometimes, even now.

Try to give yourself the space and time to let yourself grieve, and to remember your mum. It's a terrible cliche but time IS a great healer.

whitecloud Thu 02-Jun-11 12:43:54

blackpool1 - just want to echo all of mamaduckbone's good advice. Think grief and bereavement can be like a maze - you can be feeling better and think you are through and then you feel awful again. My Dad died 4 years ago and my Mum 3 years ago. It goes very deep and the grief just goes through you - that feeling of not being able to control it is very hard to take. I was surprised at how difficult I found it being with the other family. Think this is very common. It seemed to emphasise what I had lost and I found it very hard to be with people who didn't feel the same way. But it does get easier to bear and is less overwhelming after time. Hope this helps.

blackpool1 Sat 04-Jun-11 15:35:17

Thank you and sorry for your losses too. I suppose when my dad passed away I didn't have in-laws. I don't resent her being around as such but it is tough as I had been planning to do a similar holiday with my mum. I know how precious she is for my dc as she is now their only grandparent.

AshleeB Tue 07-Jun-11 11:38:40

I don't exsperience loosing my mother.. as she is still here.. but witnessing my mum loose her mum.. is enough..

It is bound to be hard for the first few months.. and even when people talk about there mums infront of my mum it can be quite hard..

you will be able to deal with it in time... I mean there will be time when you cry.. and times.. you have nice smiley moments about her..

give yourself chance to greive like you said its only been 4 months.. that is still pretty raw..

just keep busy.. you will be fine smile

she doesn't want you to be upset..

Ashleee

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