My mum has passed away

[Patrishaa]

I am really upset and cannot stop crying. My mum died on Wednesday 18th May. This was the worst day of my life. She died after a struggle with cancer. I ask her everything and she is everything to me, I am lost without her. I cry all the time. Little things make me upset. I talk to her consantly. I used to phone her 3 times a day and visit her everyday. The hurt is the worst I have ever felt. I am recently divorced and my mum helped me through this, she is my world. My dad is poorly, he was taken into hospital on Thursday 19th May and now my uncle is dying of cancer. I really am struggling to keep things together. My little 4 year old girl is the only one keeping me sane. This ache just wont go away- I have a constant lump in my throat. I am dreading the funeral on Wednesday 25th. Is there anyone else feeling like this? Its so hard. x

[usualsuspect]

So sorry

have you got friends or siblings to support you?

[Patrishaa]

Yes, I come from a large family and I have friends. Its of a night, I would phone mum and talk about things on tv. I am here on my own, my little girl is asleep and I just think about mum and what I have lost. She was my rock and now shes gone. I talk to my sisters and brothers, and they are fab, but I still feel alone right now. They have people at their homes to talk to and say how they feel. I'm just feeling very low at the moment. Too much is going on and somehow writing it on here is helping. x

[MmeLindor.]

I am so sorry for your loss.

You have posted this in the blogger topic, you will get more replies in the bereavement topic, so I have asked MNHQ to move your thread.

I hope you find others who can help you through this time.

[Sexonlegs]

I am so sorry for your loss:(

It is very early days, and what you are feeling is totally understandable. It is still very raw, but it will get better.

My mum lost her battle with cancer on nye, so I can totally empathise.

I found posting on mn Bereavement topic incredibly helpful.

Thinking of you.

[SauvignonBlanche]

I am very sorry for your loss.
I lost my Mum to cancer last year. I hope you find the funeral comforting.

[Hulababy]

So sorry for your loss.

[5inthebed]

So sorry about your mam.

[Hassled]

You poor thing. I'm so sorry.
I won't be glib and tell you that it gets easier, because it doesn't, really - what gets easier is your ability to cope with it. It will just become part of the baggage you carry round with you, and you'll be able to manage it. I promise you that. Get through the funeral - just focus on getting through the days. And when the dust has settled a bit, see your GP about some bereavement counselling.

And one day, I'm sure, you'll see her again in your DD - a look or a smile or a comment - and you'll realise she's still very much around.

[whomovedmychocolate]

I'm very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how hard it is.

Take comfort in those around you as much as you can. Do practical things if you can't cope with dealing with the emotional load and take things slowly. Don't expect to much of yourself. Talk as much as you need to, if it helps.

[nowwearefour]

I am so sorry for your loss. I have tears in my eyes as I write now. Keep posting , people will always talk to you when you need it

[dance84]

You will find lots of people feeling like this. I lost me mum in March and it is still really hard. Most of the time it is fine. Than something happens to remind you and tears come. I am told it gets easier. Thinking of you for the funeral. In my case funeral was fine. You of course have the triple whammy which is really tough. So sorry.

[NosyRosie]

I'm so sorry for your loss

Hassled is right; it doesn't get easier, you just get used to it, but it takes time.

Could you try writing her a letter? Tell her how much she meant to you, talk about happy memories and tell her how you're feeling now. It really does help to write it down, especially if you're directing your words to her.

How's your DD? Have you managed to talk to her much about it?

[Nicola10]

So sorry for your loss. x

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

So sorry my darling, and sadly I know how you are feeling as I lost my wonderful mum to cancer nine months ago.

No it doesnt get easier but I suppose you numb to it a little bit............I am reading a book called "Motherless daughters" which is helping a little as it makes me realise that I am totally normal in my grief and not going bonkers!!! (Sexonlegs - did you get the book yet?)

Take it easy and be gentle on yourself............lots of hugs to you x

[dance84]

That book sounds like an excellent idea. Who is it by or who publishes it Betty? Thank you.

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

Dance, i got it on amazon, just search for motherless daughters. It's by Hope something,.,,Ellerman?? Ellerbeck, something like that! She's an author from the US so obv its very americanised but its good.........quite enlightening and very helpful. Mum died 9 months ago now and I think people think that by now its all done and dusted and I should be over it....as the book says, it takes 9 months to bring someone into the world, how can you get over a lifetime of love in any less??

Have a look for it xx

[Sexonlegs]

Hi Betty, I haven't got it yet, but have ordered it.

How are you doing Patrishaa?

[bibbitybobbityhat]

How awful for you Patrishaa! What a terrible tragedy. I am so sorry. I hope you will get lots of support from your rl family and friends - and do continue to post on Mumsnet if you just want to say things about your Mum. I have found messages from my fellow Mumsnetters extremely soothing since my ddad passed away earlier this month. My dad's funeral was awful (so much sadness and crying) but then strangely lovely in the afternoon, when we were all gathered at his house and sharing memories and looking at photos.

I send you my deepest condolences.