Friend's ds calling new partner "Mum"

(3 Posts)
OhmeoOhmyo Sun 22-May-11 13:26:42

Was going to post this in the thread about bravery ("Bravest thing you've done..." as it was the hardest thing I had done and had to steel myself for and it's been on my mind lately.

My post:
Heart thumping and dreading it but knowing I had to? Wanted to, but was scared. My friend's funeral. Planning it with her husband and other friends.

Reading at the service. Helping him with the grave. Having her dc here, they'd grown up with mine, we used to joke as long as we had 3 in each house, didn't matter who belonged to whom.

Reminded of this as 3 years later he has a new partner, the children are settled. We see less of the younger 2 but the oldest boys are still best friends.

I visited her grave earlier. Made me sad as I'd seen her youngest, now 8, with his dad's new partner, earlier today. She (new partner) is lovely, I know her too, she had a crap marriage and she and he are so happy together. I am so pleased for them both and wish them all the best.

Wistful though, at hearing the youngest boy call her "mum". I remember the day his mum told me she was pregnant with him, I was also pregnant with my dd, we looked after each other's children when the other was in hospital, also joked about the timing.

I know she'd want her children to be happy and she'd be glad someone as lovely as the new partner was now a part of their lives. I just feel sad. I miss her.

OP’s posts: |
urbanewarrior Sun 22-May-11 16:07:31

I wish I had wise words for you. I just saw your post and didn't want it to go unanswered. Of course it's right for you to miss your friend. But you are absolutely right about the positives - am sure your friend would have wanted to think her DH and her DCs would have more love in their lives. But doesn't really make missing her easier, and sometimes is really hard to see the world moving on. Her DH and her children will still miss her too. Am sure they all still value the link you are to her. You sound like a lovely person, I would let yourself be sad today. Not a good idea to let yourself get really miserable, but I think right and proper to still be very sad about losing someone you loved about - even years and years later. Is honest. Take care.

OhmeoOhmyo Mon 23-May-11 07:32:58

Thank you for your message. You're right in that you can't deny sadness sometimes. Better to accept it, face it and get through it.
It was a jolt, but I think grief is like that sometimes.
And that wee boy who lost his mum when he was 5 now has a new "mum" and it will have been his decision, so that's a good thing after so much sadness.

OP’s posts: |

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