Lost my Dad a week ago

(7 Posts)
teenyweenytadpole Sat 14-May-11 23:26:01

Thank you Lunatic and also sorry to hear about your Dad, that does sound a shock, 10 days is very quick.

My Dad had been in hospital for a while and cancer was suspected but we were all hoping it was treatable. Dad rang me up one day and said "I haven't told your Mum, but I think it's the big C". Poor Dad, when I think of all the tests and things he went through, and towards the end he was vomiting and losing weight and Mum tried so hard to get him to eat but of course it was no good.

Feeling very down today in fact. Mum is staying with us for a bit of a break and is doing well but understandably finding things hard.

DH was great when Dad died and was really helpful over the funeral, and has been very supportive of my Mum. However he has alcohol issues (I have posted about this before) and as I type is in a deep stupor in the chair after drinking two bottles of wine (and beer this afternoon). Mum finds this all quite wierd, especially as my Dad was not a drinker. Consequently I feel like piggy in the fucking middle at the moment.

Just after Dad died DH told me it had shocked him to the core and said "I have realised that I need to stop behaving like I am 25". I thought that by that he meant he would finally tackle the drinking. Now I just feel very let down and disappointed. And it's our wedding anniversary tomorrow.

I just feel like packing it all in and taking the children to live with my Mum in France. If I didn't think that was unfair to the girls, I would.

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LunaticIsOnTheGrass Fri 13-May-11 07:21:19

So sorry for your loss x

My Dad died pretty suddenly last year, it was lung cancer.

He fell off his pushbike on the way to work & banged his head so was sent for a CT scan and found to be riddled with cancer - he died 10 days later.

I'm in Scotland & he was in S.E England & I remember the shock of the phone call saying he was ill & the awful journey down.

It will get better smile Not yet - but it will get better.

X

teenyweenytadpole Thu 12-May-11 21:58:42

Mollyfloss - thanks for your kind words also and I'm sorry for the loss of your Dad too. I know what you mean about the journey to the funeral, I was in a state of shock and ended up having a massive panic/crying attack at Stansted airport on the way to France - so if anyone saw a woman crying like a loon last Wednesday in the departure lounge, it was me! Thanks for the hugs. X

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Mollyfloss Thu 12-May-11 21:01:05

Teenyweenytadpole: I'm so sorry for your loss. It has stirred a lot of emotion in me as my father died over four years ago from heart failure. He was only 61. It was very sudden, he went to the Doctor who said he had pneumonia and said he should go to he hospital so off he went and two hours after getting there he died of heart failure despite them taking good care of him. He was joking with the nurse and my Mum just before. I lived abroad at the time and the trip home for the funeral was awful. It was such a shock and the grief was unmanageable. I understand how the dark place you're in right now.

Life somehow goes on though. I got engaged less then a year later then married, and am now pg with DD3. My Dad missed all that. It makes me sad to think my Dad never new my daughters or my nephew. He only knew my niece who was only two at the time. He loved being a grandad and I feel he has missed what would have been the nicest time of his life (if children are the work, grandchildren are the reward etc).

My Mum has coped somehow and although it was very hard, she has done her best to be positive.

Everyone says only time will heal etc and although it is a cliche it is true. In the meantime cry as much as you feel like it and talk about it as much as you like. We talk about our Dad all the time.

Hugs.

teenyweenytadpole Thu 12-May-11 20:47:54

Aw, Rindercella that is so kind of you especially as you just lost your dear H. I hope things are getting easier for you. I spoke to Mum today and she was sounding positive, she said she felt my Dad was around her and giving her support. It will be hard for her to make a new life but I'm hopeful she can do it. I am an only child and so is my Mum so it is really just me and her now! My DH is being fabulous but he has his own problems to deal with at the moment. I am trying to get some counselling for both of us but especially her but there is a waiting list. Anyway thanks again for your thoughts.

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Rindercella Thu 12-May-11 18:50:55

Teeny, sending you a big hug. So sorry to hear of your father's death - that's so quick, March to May from going into hospital and then dying. 68 Is young, you're absolutely right. Too bloody young sad

Look after yourself, and your Mum. Be kind and give yourself time. If you want to cry, then do. I know for me sometimes it feels like I will never be able to stop crying - either for my father or my husband. But I do. The DDs do something to make me smile, or the phone rings, or life gets in the way. But it is bloody hard.

Big hug x

teenyweenytadpole Thu 12-May-11 17:52:41

Hi all, very sad to report that I lost my lovely Dad just over a week ago (3rd May). He had been ill for a while, in hospital since the beginning of March. He was originally admitted with breathing problems which they first thought were pneumonia but actually was fluid around his heart. Over the next couple of months he had every test and scan going - brain scan, gastroscopy, blood tests, lymph node removal, two lung biopsies, you name it - poor Dad. He died suddenly from heart failure (15 minutes prior to this he had been smiling at Mum and giving her the thumbs up). However the actual cause of death was lung cancer, the tumour was between his heart and lung (asbestos related, will post more on that later). It was such a shock, we knew he was ill and cancer was suspected but we had been hoping it was treatable. He was only 68. Slightly complicated situation as my parents lived in France - Mum was with him when he died but called me on the phone immediately from his hospital room and was completely distraught, I had to stay on the phone for an hour with her while she waited for friends to come. It was awful. I was already booked on a flight to go and visit him and he died the night before I got there. Since then I have been to France to be with Mum and for the funeral, which was a bit wierd (French style cremation) but also lovely, and am now home but still in a state of shock, very up and down. Mum is coming to stay with us tomorrow, she needs to decide what to do but I don't think she will stay in France without him. I always knew that one day my parents would die but I never thought it would be this hard. My Dad was lovely. I can't believe I am never going to see his face again. Big hugs to all those out there who have lost a parent, it's part of life but it's still horrible.

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