My Dad is 64, has days to live and I'm falling apart.

(173 Posts)
StarlightMcKenzie Thu 24-Mar-11 17:08:00

That's it really. I just can't believe the last 7 weeks. On recommendation of a physchiatrist he had been referred to for moderate depressoin, he had a brain scan and was was diagnosed with a mass in his brain 6cm by 8cm which through brain surgery at the National Neurological Hospital they managed to removed completely.

I had a reaction 5 days after the operation and we nearly lost him.

Just over week ago he was declared completely cured and plans were made for him to go home with a scan every year for 5 years. They just wanted to check out a dodgy blood test.

The blood test triggered a scan of his kidneys where they found he had a tumour 10cm. This, apparantly wasn't too concerning and he was packed off to the Royal Free for treatment.

2 days later we were told that he had had a scan that had shown the kidney was treatable but the damage that it, and the two brain operations plus drugs etc. had done to his liver was untreatable. He was diagnosed with an extremely agressive cancer too advanced to treat and given just days to live.

I just cannot believe what he has been through. He's barely able to communicate with us now he is so ill as his liver is so enlarged it is making its own toxins which are killing him.

I'm so gutted. He isn't even retirement age. I just don't know what to say to my mum.

OP’s posts: |
CharCharGabor Thu 24-Mar-11 17:09:53

Oh god, how awful So sorry.

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt Thu 24-Mar-11 17:12:27


What a horrible, horrible time you have all had of it - like a rollercoaster that you just want to get off.

I hope you able to spend as much time with him as you would like to be able to do over these next few days. Hold his hand and talk to him about anything and everything.

Wishing you all strength xxx

ajandjjmum Thu 24-Mar-11 17:13:47

So sorry. sad

ilovesprouts Thu 24-Mar-11 17:19:45

so sorry

StarlightMcKenzie Thu 24-Mar-11 17:19:54

It's been hell and really not helped by the insensitivity of the staff at the Royal Free, not to mention the incompetence and neglegence.

The Neurological Hospital were fantastic btw. Just don't understand how it can be so different from one NHS hospital to the next.

OP’s posts: |
usualsuspect Thu 24-Mar-11 17:21:04

so sorry sad

noddyholder Thu 24-Mar-11 17:23:13

I am so sorry x

countrybump Thu 24-Mar-11 17:24:20

I'm so, so sorry.

StarlightMcKenzie Thu 24-Mar-11 17:24:30

Anyway, IF they can get their act together he might actually get to the hospice they said they referred him to 3 days ago which is in the same road as my mum and the part of London that he has lived all his live and intended to retire.

They keep saying he is going and then something goes wrong. And we are just livid that after his very clear message to us that he doesn't want to be told he is dying, lots of staff keep coming to give him updates of the 'hospice' issue. We had just told him that he was going back a posh and attentive ward in his neighbourhood hospital.

But I'm seriously falling apart. I don't know if I can handle any more. I want to spend time with him but at the same time I spend the whole 90 min journey to the hospital feeling sick to the bone of how I will find him, what I should say to him, whether I'll find that his fluid drip ran out 6 hours ago and they still haven't changed it etc.

OP’s posts: |
StarlightMcKenzie Thu 24-Mar-11 17:26:07

Thank you all for responding though. It is really appreciated. I just can't deal with how much it hurts and knowing that it is going to be like this for a long time.

OP’s posts: |
TotalChaos Thu 24-Mar-11 17:40:37

Very sorry Star, what a heartbreaking situation for you and your family.

Figgyrolls Thu 24-Mar-11 17:42:32

So sorry for you.x

trace2 Thu 24-Mar-11 17:48:51

so sorry thinking of you all xx

5inthebed Thu 24-Mar-11 18:07:38

So very sorry Star. Thinking of you and your family.

henrysmate Thu 24-Mar-11 18:17:13

Oh Starlight, I'm so very sorry you're going through this. There aren't any words that can comfort you right now I know, but all the things you're doing now will bring some solace for you later. Being there for him when he needs you most is the hardest thing for you, but it is a wonderful gift to him, as heartbreaking as it is.

EllenJane1 Thu 24-Mar-11 18:17:29

Your lovely dad. I'm so sorry. It's not fair, is it? You shouldn't have more than one bad thing happen to you. It's hard to get these painful and upsetting images out of your head, but try to think about the better times. It's such a difficult time, nothing else seems to matter. Thinking of you, Star.

ViolaTricolor Thu 24-Mar-11 18:19:30

Very sorry, this sounds so very hard. Thinking of you sad.

StarlightMcKenzie Thu 24-Mar-11 18:24:02

No. I'm devestated. I don't know how I can make it alright because it isn't.

He had so many plans for his future. My mum and dad spent their whole lives sacrificing for and planning their retirement. Part of that was to take the time to enjoy my kids more. I'm gutted that they'll not even remember him now and that they have already seen him for the last time, when he was up to it, and when we thought he would be coming home.

He was exceptionally pround of my ds who has ASD. How cruel it is to cut their relationship short when it was so VERY important.

OP’s posts: |
Buda Thu 24-Mar-11 18:24:03

Oh Starlight. I am so sorry. It all sound horrendous. And having to battle with the hospital for basic care just adds to the heartbreak. sad

amberlight Thu 24-Mar-11 18:26:47

Heck and double heck...(((hugs)))

Hulababy Thu 24-Mar-11 18:27:10

So sory to hear that your dad is so ill. I hope you get to spend some time with him in the next few days.

HairyMaclary Thu 24-Mar-11 18:28:47

Oh Starlight, I'm very sorry to hear this. I don't really know what to say but will be thinking of you.

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 24-Mar-11 18:30:56

Message withdrawn

VivaLeBeaver Thu 24-Mar-11 18:32:18

Starlight, I'm very sorry you're dad and you and your family are going through this. You may need to push/contact the hospice directly to get his put into place. I don't know if the MacMillan nurses would be able to help/provide support at this stage? Thinking of you.

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