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My lovely FIL died in October. Just before he died he ordered 4 fruit trees which my MIL gave to family and friends. But I forgot to plant it so I put it in a bucket of water which was frozen solid over winter so I thought it had died. I put it in compost and hoped... Today it has the beginnings of life, tiny buds. It feels like a miracle.
I miss him so much. And yet everyone else has more right to greive than me, they lost a Dad, husband, Grandad. So I'll write it down here if that's OK.
Rachel, it's lovely that the buds have appeared.
So sorry that you feel you don't have the 'right' to grieve. Of course you do; you loved him too. Talk to your partner, mother-in-law, or brother/sister-in law if you are close to them, mention the buds on the tree (you don't need to tell in-laws the tree had nearly died if you don't want to), and just talk about FIL. They will want to talk about him too - you can share memories and feelings together, and just hug each other too.
Of course his wife and children have their own sense of loss, but that doesn't make bereavement an 'exclusive' sort of thing. It's ok to say you miss him too.
I'm sorry for your loss. x
Thank you Princess.
Have thought about him lots today but not quite brave enough to talk to DH yet about it. Grief is a funny thing, sort of creeps up on you I find. I know it will ease. Oh God, I'm rambling now...